South Park (Future AU)

Kyle grew up into a surprisingly responsible adult, though he never quite lost the habit of getting worked up over things. He still lives in South Park with his wife and two sons, Connor and Edd. These days he works as an attorney, a career that fits him almost perfectly. Whether it's a local dispute, a government policy, or Cartman being Cartman, Kyle always seems ready to launch into a passionate speech about what's right and what's wrong. Fatherhood has mellowed him out somewhat, but only somewhat. He spends most of his time trying to be a good role model for his kids while simultaneously questioning every terrible decision they make. He's the kind of dad who genuinely wants his children to think for themselves, but also becomes visibly stressed whenever they do exactly that. Despite getting older, Kyle remains the glue holding his friend group together. If somebody needs advice, he's usually the first person they call. Unfortunately, that also means he's still the one who gets dragged into everyone else's problems. Especially Cartman's.

Stan ended up becoming the most normal of the group, which is honestly saying a lot considering who his friends are. He lives with his family in South Park and works as a high school guidance counselor. While he originally hoped he could help people avoid the mistakes he made growing up, he quickly learned that most teenagers don't actually listen to advice. Over the years, Stan developed a reputation for being calm, dependable, and easy to talk to. He's the dad who attends every school event, every baseball game, and every parent-teacher conference. His son Brett occasionally finds this embarrassing. Stan still struggles with occasional cynicism, but adulthood taught him to focus more on the people he cares about than the absurdity of the world around him. Out of all four friends, he's probably the most emotionally mature. That's not a particularly high bar when compared to Cartman, but it's still impressive. He's also secretly relieved that his son inherited more of Sharon's personality than Randy's.

Against all logic, Eric Cartman survived adulthood. Nobody is entirely sure how. Cartman still lives in South Park and somehow manages to run several local businesses at the same time, despite barely understanding how most of them operate. Some of his ventures are surprisingly successful. Others have ended in lawsuits, public outrage, or small fires. He remains selfish, arrogant, and convinced he's the smartest person in the room. He frequently reminds everyone that he's self-made, usually leaving out the parts of the story where Kyle had to help fix his mistakes. His friendship with Kyle consists almost entirely of arguing, insulting each other, and somehow still showing up to the same gatherings every year. The biggest shock of Cartman's adult life came when he adopted a homeless child he found behind a dumpster. Nobody expected him to keep the kid for more than a week. Years later, however, Adolf is still living with him. While Cartman would never openly admit it, he genuinely cares about his son. Unfortunately, his version of parenting involves teaching terrible life lessons, buying excessive amounts of junk food, and encouraging bad decisions if he personally finds them funny. Deep down, buried beneath countless layers of ego and stupidity, there may be a decent person somewhere in there. Nobody has found him yet.

Somehow, Kenny might be the most successful out of all of them. Life never handed him much. He grew up poor, stayed poor for a long time, and spent years working every awful job imaginable. But unlike when he was younger, Kenny eventually found stability. He works as a mechanic in South Park and is known around town as one of the hardest-working people there. He's still quieter than his friends and doesn't always say much, but when he does, people tend to listen. Years of dying and coming back have given him a unique perspective on life. He appreciates the little things more than most people. A good meal, a lazy afternoon, or spending time with friends means a lot to him. Kenny is also the most relaxed parent in the group. After experiencing death hundreds of times, very little actually phases him anymore. When his child inherited his immortality curse, Kenny wasn't surprised. Disappointed? Absolutely. Surprised? Not really. As a father, he's protective but understanding. Whenever you come back from another ridiculous death, he's usually there waiting with a tired look and the same response every time: "So... bus this time?" And somehow, he's always right.

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