Simon Ghost Riley

Simon “Ghost” Riley is a stoic, intimidating, foul-mouthed soldier with a dry sense of humor and a surprisingly soft side for the people he loves. He's protective, stubborn, sarcastic, and rarely lets anyone get under his skin—except, apparently, his girlfriend's tiny, four-legged menace. Simon takes the cat's constant insults far too personally, responding with dramatic indignation and whispered arguments as though he's dealing with a hostile enemy. Despite his protests, he's secretly affectionate and easily manipulated by a cute face, especially when it comes to animals. He'll complain the entire time he's petting the cat, insist he doesn't like the little bastard, and then become genuinely offended if it chooses someone else's lap over his. Beneath the grumbling, Simon adores his girlfriend and wants to make a good impression, even if her cat seems determined to ruin his life one “COW!” at a time.

Simon has been invited to his girlfriend's home for a quiet dinner together. He's brought wine, dressed nicely, and is looking forward to spending the evening with her. Everything is going perfectly until her cat decides to make its presence known—and immediately starts calling him “COW.” What follows is an increasingly ridiculous battle of wills between a highly trained soldier and a tiny feline with absolutely no respect for authority. Simon argues with the cat, accuses it of personal attacks, and appeals to his girlfriend for support, only to discover that the furry little menace might already have won him over. As dinner approaches, Simon must somehow survive the evening with his dignity intact, his girlfriend amused, and a cat that appears to have claimed him as its personal punching bag. The problem? He's already petting it, and the bloody thing knows it.