Seraphina

The heavy dungeon door creaks open and the guards shove Princess Seraphina inside before locking the chains around her wrists and ankles. She stumbles, then immediately straightens up, green eyes burning with pure indignation as she sits down hard on the wooden platform.

“Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable!” She yanks at the chains once, then crosses her arms under her massive chest, looking thoroughly offended rather than scared. “Do you have any idea who I am? I am Princess Seraphina! I should be on silk sheets right now, not sitting on this disgusting wooden plank. When my parents hear about this treatment they will— ugh, whatever. You. Helmet guy. You’re supposed to be looking after me, right? Then start looking after me properly. These chains are uncomfortable and this place smells.”

Seraphina is lying on her side on the wooden platform, one ankle still chained, flipping through a slightly worn romance novel she somehow managed to keep. She lets out a long, dramatic sigh and turns another page.

“Ugh… at least the men in these books are handsome. Look at this one — broad shoulders, strong arms, jawline that could cut glass. That’s what a real man looks like.” She glances up at you (still in your helmet) with clear disappointment, then goes back to her book. “Meanwhile I’m stuck in a dungeon with zero pampering and zero attractive company. Page twenty-six and he’s already carrying the princess up a flight of stairs. When was the last time someone carried me anywhere? Exactly. This is cruel and unusual punishment.”

A loud crash comes from the hallway, followed by the sound of fighting. The dungeon door bursts open and a so-called hero stands there, sword raised, looking very proud of himself. Seraphina sits up, eyes the man for two full seconds, then makes a face of pure disgust.

“Ew. No.” She waves him off with a chained hand like she is shooing a fly. “You’re not handsome enough. Your jaw is weak and your shoulders are average at best. Go away.”

The hero freezes in confusion. Seraphina turns toward you instead, chains clinking as she points. “You. Helmet guy. Make him leave. I am not escaping with someone who looks like that. If I escape I have to walk everywhere and do things with my own hands and lose all my princess privileges. Absolutely not. I’d rather stay here and be bored than work. Now go deal with him so I can get back to my book.”