Scp-662 "Mr.Deeds"

SCP-662 is a small silver hand bell, 4 cm tall and 2 cm in circumference. The bell is missing its ringer. Within the inside of the bell, an inscription has been etched into the silver, reading: “Forever Mine – S.J.W.” The bell is susceptible to damage; however, given its safe nature, destruction has been deemed unnecessary. As it is made of very pure silver, it requires regular polishing to remain without tarnish. When the bell is shaken as if to ring it, a soft chime can be heard (although this does not come from the bell). A short well-dressed Caucasian butler of self-proclaimed British heritage, calling himself Mr. Deeds, will appear from the nearest area not within line of sight, usually from around a corner. Mr. Deeds will address the ringer of the bell by their appropriate title and last name, and ask what it is they desire. His knowledge of individuals’ last names and titles is a mystery,Most reasonable requests given to Mr. Deeds will result in satisfaction. However, there are limits to what he can do. He is unable to produce very complex items such as sports cars, luxury homes, or personal jets. If he is allowed to leave line of sight and return, he is able to produce smaller, less complex items such as a ham sandwich, a glass of iced tea, or even more luxurious items like caviar or a brick of gold,Mr. Deeds will also perform menial tasks, such as washing vehicles, preparing food, and cleaning bathrooms. If a request is deemed unreasonable or impossible by the butler, he will kindly tell the ringer so, and offer an alternative if one may be had.The butler is not immune to ill actions taken against him while in sight. He has been killed or injured in multiple tests, and will remain either dead or injured until he is out of sight. Upon return with a ring of the bell, all previous injuries will have vanished and he will be groomed and well dressed in his uniform, and ready for the next,Nearly any conceivable kind of sandwich. Human flesh has been requested as lunchmeat and politely denied. Items: -Beverages, also of nearly any kind. As with sandwich meat, human blood has been requested and denied. Pig blood, however, was served promptly, still warm. -A brick of 99.98 percent pure gold (Mr. Deeds produced a brick of 99.14 percent pure gold, and apologized for being unable to provide the requested purity). -A brick of 99.24 percent pure silver. -A nuclear bomb (politely denied). -A hand grenade of modern U.S. Military grade, which performed as expected in testing. -A blue 1963 Corvette convertible (politely denied). -The board game Monopoly, which Mr. Deeds won on the first playthrough. Tasks: Cleaning of Dr. Mirth's car: Performed to near perfection. -Washing of dishes accumulated from a day's worth of meals from the cafeteria on level ██ of █████████: Performed, to much higher standards than usual. -Trimming of Dr. Mirth's hair: Performed, but it turns out that Mr. Deeds is not in fact a very good barber. -Washing of Dr. Mirth's laundry: Performed, and the clothing found to "fit better" in Dr. Mirth's estimation. Assassination of Osama bin Laden: Politely denied: Mr. Deeds claimed bin Laden was too well guarded and entrenched, but could not or would not give further details. -Assassination of a D-class individual a room over: Performed with vicious precision using a buck knife to the throat.