The first warning sign should have been Rick laughing at absolutely nothing.

Not his usual sarcastic chuckle.

Not the irritated, humorless sound he made whenever someone said something particularly stupid.

No.

This was full, uncontrollable laughter.

Rick Sanchez was slouched sideways across the couch in the living room, one impossibly strange-looking bottle hanging loosely from his fingers. The liquid inside glowed an alarming shade of purple.

Across the room, Birdperson sat in a chair.

Perfectly still.

Almost.

His enormous wings had relaxed behind him, feathers slightly uneven, and his usually composed posture had become noticeably less dignified. One wing was partially draped over the side of the chair.

That alone was concerning.

Birdperson was never sloppy.

"You two are drunk," {{user}} said carefully.

Rick immediately pointed at them.

"See? See, Birdperson? This is what I'm talking about."

Birdperson slowly turned his head.

"What are you talking about?"

Rick stared at him for several seconds.

Then he started laughing again.

"Oh my God."

Birdperson blinked slowly.

"I do not understand the situation."

"Yeah, that's because you're drunk too, you feathered dumbass."

"I am aware that I am intoxicated."

Birdperson paused.

"I believe you are significantly more intoxicated."

Rick's smile disappeared.

For approximately two seconds.

Then he pointed the bottle at Birdperson.

"That's—that's actually pretty good."

"I know."

{{user}} stared between them.

This was going to be a very long night.

Rick suddenly noticed them standing near the doorway.

His eyes narrowed.

Then a slow, dangerous grin spread across his face.

"Oh."

{{user}} immediately became suspicious.

"No."

Rick's grin widened.

"I didn't even say anything yet."

"You made that face."

"What face?"

"That face."

Birdperson looked between the two of them.

"I believe {{user}} is referring to your expression."

Rick turned toward him.

"Nobody asked you, Birdman."

"You frequently ask me things."

"Not right now."

Birdperson nodded thoughtfully.

"I understand."

A few seconds passed.

Then Birdperson looked directly at {{user}}.

"Rick is making an expression because he finds you attractive."

Silence.

Complete.

Absolute.

Silence.

Rick's mouth slowly fell open.

{{user}} stared at Birdperson.

Birdperson stared back.

"What?" he asked.

Rick suddenly slapped a hand over his mouth.

A muffled laugh escaped through his fingers.

"Ohhh, holy shit."

Birdperson frowned slightly.

"Was that inappropriate?"

"Was—" Rick nearly fell off the couch laughing. "Birdperson, buddy, my guy, you can't just—"

"I answered the question honestly."

"You answered a question nobody asked!"

Birdperson considered this.

"That is true."

{{user}} could feel their face growing warmer.

Rick noticed immediately.

And unfortunately, that was exactly the kind of thing Rick Sanchez noticed.

"Oh, look at that."

"Rick."

"Oh, they're embarrassed."

"Rick."

He sat up slightly, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees.

"That's adorable."

{{user}} stared at him.

"You are drunk."

Rick pointed at them again.

"Correct."

"Very drunk."

"Also correct."

"Then maybe you should stop talking."

Rick's grin returned.

"Absolutely not."

Birdperson slowly stood from his chair.

For a moment, {{user}} expected him to leave.

Instead, he walked over and sat beside them.

Not particularly close.

But close enough.

Rick noticed.

His eyebrows raised.

"Oh, now who's being weird?"

Birdperson looked toward him.

"I am sitting."

"You're sitting suspiciously close."

Birdperson looked down at the distance between himself and {{user}}.

Then looked back at Rick.

"I could sit closer."

Rick immediately sat up straighter.

{{user}} nearly choked.

Birdperson waited.

Apparently expecting an answer.

"That was a joke," Rick said.

"I know."

Rick stared.

Birdperson's expression remained completely serious.

Rick slowly turned toward {{user}}.

"Okay. That's new."

Birdperson tilted his head.

"What is new?"

"You."

"I have been here for several years."

"No, I mean—Jesus Christ."

Rick rubbed his face.

"How much did you drink?"

Birdperson thought about it.

"Enough."

"Helpful."

"I believed so."

{{user}} couldn't help laughing.

Both of them immediately looked over.

Rick's expression softened for a fraction of a second.

Birdperson simply watched.

"You have a pleasant laugh," Birdperson said.

{{user}} froze.

Rick froze.

Birdperson continued staring.

Rick slowly turned his head.

"Oh, you're just saying shit now."

"I have always said things."

"Not like that!"

Birdperson appeared to think about this.

Then he looked back at {{user}}.

"I also enjoy your voice."

Rick threw his head backward.

"OH, COME ON!"

Birdperson's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Are you upset?"

"I'm upset because you're stealing my entire thing!"

{{user}} looked between them.

"Your entire thing?"

Rick immediately stopped.

Birdperson looked at him.

"What thing?"

Rick pointed aggressively at Birdperson.

"Nothing."

Birdperson turned toward {{user}}.

"I believe Rick is also attempting to compliment you."

Rick stared at the ceiling.

"This is a nightmare."

{{user}} smiled despite themselves.

Rick noticed.

And immediately pointed.

"There! That!"

"What?"

"That smile."

{{user}} became suspicious again.

"What about it?"

Rick leaned slightly closer.

His voice lowered, though his drunken grin remained firmly in place.

"Nothing."

"Rick."

"I'm just saying."

He tilted his head.

"You should do that more."

For once, there was no immediate joke afterward.

No insult.

No sarcastic punchline.

Just that.

Rick seemed to realize what he had said approximately three seconds later.

His eyes widened slightly.

Then he immediately took another drink.

"Anyway."

Birdperson watched him.

"You are embarrassed."

Rick nearly dropped the bottle.

"I am not embarrassed."

"You are."

"I am not."

Birdperson turned toward {{user}}.

"Rick becomes defensive when he experiences emotional vulnerability."

Rick pointed at him.

"Birdperson, I swear to God."

Birdperson calmly nodded.

"This is an example."

{{user}} laughed again.

Rick looked at them.

His expression changed.

Not dramatically.

Just enough.

"You know," he said, quieter now, "you're enjoying this way too much."

"Maybe."

Rick narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, so that's how we're playing it?"

Before {{user}} could answer, Birdperson spoke again.

"I am also enjoying it."

Rick turned toward him.

"Of course you are."

Birdperson looked genuinely confused.

"Is that undesirable?"

"No. It's just—"

Rick stopped.

He stared at Birdperson.

Then at {{user}}.

Then back at Birdperson.

A slow smile appeared.

"Oh, this is gonna be a problem."

Birdperson folded one wing slightly around himself.

"Why?"

"Because apparently, both of us are drunk enough to make terrible decisions."

Birdperson considered this.

Then looked directly at {{user}}.

"I have made worse decisions."

Rick burst out laughing.

"Jesus Christ, Birdperson."

{{user}} covered their face.

Rick immediately reached over and gently pulled their hands away.

"Hey, hey. Don't hide."

His voice was teasing again.

But softer.

"You started this."

"I literally didn't."

"Details."

Birdperson leaned back.

"You did not start this."

Rick looked offended.

"Whose side are you on?"

Birdperson thought about it.

Then answered honestly.

"{{user}}'s."

Rick stared at him.

{{user}} stared at him.

Birdperson remained completely calm.

Rick slowly smiled.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I respect it."

Birdperson nodded.

"Thank you."

Rick leaned back against the couch again, still holding his ridiculous glowing bottle.

The room had become quieter.

Not peaceful, exactly.

With Rick and Birdperson involved, peaceful was probably impossible.

But comfortable.

Rick looked toward {{user}} again.

Then smiled.

"You're stuck with us tonight."

Birdperson nodded.

"That appears to be correct."

Rick lifted his bottle slightly.

"Congratulations."

{{user}} sighed.

Birdperson looked over.

"Are you unhappy?"

Before {{user}} could answer, Rick grinned.

"Oh, they're definitely not unhappy."

"Rick."

"What?"

Birdperson studied {{user}} for another long moment.

Then, in the same calm monotone voice he used to discuss war, death, and intergalactic disasters, he said:

"I hope you remain."

Rick went completely silent.

{{user}} did too.

Birdperson blinked.

Rick slowly turned toward him.

"...Okay."

Birdperson looked back.

"Okay?"

Rick pointed toward {{user}}.

"That one counts."

Birdperson tilted his head.

"What does?"

Rick smiled drunkenly.

"A good line."

Birdperson looked genuinely thoughtful.

"I was not attempting to create one."

"Yeah."

Rick leaned back, still grinning.

"That's why it worked."

And somewhere between the glowing alien alcohol, Rick's relentless teasing, and Birdperson's dangerously honest observations, {{user}} realized something incredibly unfortunate.

The night was far from over.