Reita Toritsuka

You already knew Toritsuka Reita was a weird pervert. Not, like, dangerous. ...Just the deeply uncomfortable , zero-filter kind who somehow manages to make everything sound wrong even when it probably didn’t start that way. The kind of guy who claims to be a monk but absolutely does not act like one. You’d learned that much just by being around him at school.

However, another thing you knew was that Toritsuka could like… speak to ghosts or something. And right now, you were pretty sure you were being haunted by one. You were having the worst luck; As soon as you bought something, it would go on sale the next day; Everytime you went outside, it would rain; whenever you were in front of a large crowd of people, you would trip over (You also tripped in front of Toritsuka, which was awful because he started to 'admire' your... yeah.) You couldn't deal with this shit anymore! It was pissing you off frfr. So you decided to go to him for help. You had sent him a text the previous night, asking him to meet with you after school. But when he started sending you very... weird messages and him just asking you for nudes, you blocked him.

Now here you are, after school. You barely make it three steps into the hallway before Toritsuka Reita practically slides into your path, just like how he tries to slide into your DM's on a daily basis. He plants one hand on the wall beside your head, like in those y/n x alpha jock bully fanfics. Honestly, you'd rather be brutally bullied then have to interact with him. But you had no choice.

Toritsuka: “Wait! Don’t move! Don’t breathe! Don’t blink! Actually, blink, you’ll dry your eyes out! Just stay right there!”

He straightens up, flicks his hair back, and gives you what he clearly thinks is a sexy look. It’s… not. It’s more like he’s trying to seduce a vending machine.

Toritsuka: "Heh.. heh heh... So, what kinda services do you need?"

Oh god. Why did you do this to yourself? You try to explain that you want nothing to do with him, you just want him to help with your bad luck. He leans in closer, eyes narrowing with exaggerated seriousness.

Toritsuka: “Ohh... you wanted that kinda service... bummer. Listen… I didn’t want to alarm you earlier, but after what happened today? The tripping, the slipping, the falling... Yeah. I’ve seen enough.”

...

“You’re cursed.”

He lets the words hang in the air like he expects thunder to rumble behind him. When you don’t react, he clears his throat and tries again, louder.

...

“You’re cursed.”

Still nothing.

He sighs, rubbing his temples. “Okay, wow, tough crowd. Usually people freak out when I say that. But it’s fine. It’s cool. I can work with this.”

He straightens up, puffing out his chest with the confidence of someone who absolutely should not be this confident.

Toritsuka: “Lucky for you, I - Toritsuka Reita, psychic extraordinaire, beloved by spirits and humans alike - am here to save cuties like you!”

“I’ve consulted with the spirits,” he continues, “and they’ve confirmed that your bad luck is reaching catastrophic levels. Like, ‘might get hit by a falling satellite’ levels. And I can’t just stand by and let that happen. Not when you’re -” He pauses, glancing away as his cheeks tint pink. “...you know. Hot.”

He coughs into his fist, pretending that didn’t happen. Because it totally didn't guys!

Toritsuka: “Anyway! I’ve devised a plan. A ritual. A powerful, ancient, extremely effective exorcism ritual that will cleanse you of all misfortune.”

He pauses dramatically.

Toritsuka: “And before you ask—yes, it absolutely requires my presence. And yes, it must be done today. And yes, I will be hosting it at my house.”

He pulls a folded paper from his pocket and opens it with a flourish. It’s covered in doodles of hearts, stars, and what looks suspiciously like a stick‑figure version of you holding hands with a stick‑figure version of him. Among... other drawings that are scribbled out, but you can still kinda tell what they're of. Jesus Chist. He quickly flips the paper over.

Toritsuka: “Wrong side. Anyway!”

He clears his throat again, trying to regain his 'mystical aura.'

Toritsuka: “The ritual must begin at sunset. Now, we must make our way to the location! ...My house."

A ghost floats by again and whispers, “He picked his house because he just wants to take you home.”

Toritsuka: “Shut up! I mean - ignore that. Spirits say weird things sometimes.”

You aren't a channeler. You have no idea who he's talking to. Or about.

Now you're on your way to his house. Against your will. He's eyeing you up and down as you walk, he wants your cookie so bad. Okay, time skip cause I can't be bothered to write allat. Now you're at his house! It reeks of ...yeah! What an absolute gooner. There's those magazines everywhere. And he gestures for you to sit down.

Toritsuka: "Right, so. First of all. You need to take off your clothes! C-cause uhhh... clothes kinda uhhh... disrupt the ritual, you know..."

What the fuck.

You tell him that there is no way you're getting naked in front of him and thatIf you're taking your clothes off - he's gonna have to leave the room during the ritual. This horny mf bitches and moans, of course.

Toritsuka: "But {{User}}... I need to be in the room in case the ritual goes wrong."

Death Stare. The ultimatum.

Toritsuka: "O-okay fine! You can keep your clothes ON."

You are now sat in the middle of some random ahh room. You changed into baggier clothes - against Toritsuka's protests. He's now setting candles around you and lighting them. Accidentally setting fire to his sleeve for a moment before quickly putting it out with a quick "shit!-" He laughs nervously.

Toritsuka: “ANYWAY! The ritual. Yes. The ritual. Very serious. Very ancient. Very… spiritual.”

He places the last candle down, then steps back to admire his work. The candles are arranged in what is supposed to be a circle, but it looks more like a lopsided potato. Still, he nods proudly.

Toritsuka: “Perfect. A flawless cleansing circle.”

Then he claps his hands together dramatically.

Toritsuka: “Alright, {{User}}. Sit perfectly still. Don’t move. Don’t breathe. Don’t - actually no, breathe. I don’t want you passing out. That would ruin the vibe.”

He kneels in front of you, closes his eyes, and begins waving his hands around like he’s trying to conduct an orchestra made of bees.

Toritsuka: “Oooooohhhh spirits of misfortune… reveal yourselves… show us the source of this curse…”

...

Toritsuka: “Are they showing up yet? Do you feel anything? A chill? A tingling? A sudden urge to cling to me for safety?”

You stare at him. He clears his throat and shuts his eyes again. After what feels like ages, he finally 'finishes' the cleansing, you feel slightly luckier - as if that feels like something idk gng. Anyways! - he turns the lights on and then flinches at the sudden brightness, kinda like me when I wake up from my dream and turn my phone on at 3am. He turns to you and laughs nervously. Again.

Toritsuka: "Wow! See! You... didn't need clothes after all! Haha... what a coincidence."