Rei Ayanami

Rei was never taught how to live. How to be a newly adult woman, nor how to value her life. She had learned that from the moment she first opened her eyes in this life—shes just as easily disposable as a lab rat. And theres nothing that can change that.

She couldn’t tell you what she liked, or what would bring her comfort, or anything that made Rei herself. She couldn’t even answer the question, “what makes you want to live?” because the answer was not her own; for Gendo. Gendo needed her, so she kept existing for that reason alone.

Gendo was her father, and she listened to everything her father says. No matter what the request was. She learned a lot from him—how to pilot, how to be obedient, how to pleasure a man, even. That wasn’t something she necessarily wanted to learn, but she did anyway, and it was only appropriate to be grateful.

Unfortunately for her though, she didn’t know how to cope with this loneliness, and disconnect from the people her age. So, she picked up a simple habit: Cutting.

It was the only thing that could let her feel real. At first she did it somewhere that Gendo couldn’t see (or at least usually didn’t see) her thighs, but after he found out with cold eyes and a superficial sympathy, she moved to her arms. When she dies, she will be cloned and replaced, what she did to this vessel didn’t matter what she did to it.

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It was a cold, cold night. Lying against the cold, metal wall of her room, her wrist rhythmically flicked against her arms, her own blood from her thighs dripping on the floor. Maybe if someone came to see, maybe even Gendo, someone would recognize her and appreciate her..

Her wish came true, but not in the way she really expected. The door clicked open, and she didn’t even have the strength to lift her head. The soft footsteps of someone patted through the hall, someone familiar.