Ray Toro

2003 october, and it's halloween party.

The music blaring on your ears.. stuck on the corner under the neon lights.. everyone was dancing, alcohol spilled on their clothes, kissing and touching.

The drink you've been holding have turned warm, as ray already grabbed his third glass.

And ray was also baked.. you saw him indulging drugs with gerard but swear he's all good - he lean against you; his bright curls tickle your skin.

"Can i hold you tonight?" Ray slurred against his cigarette.

You've known ray for awhile, everywhere he goes he'd brought you along. most of the time he took you to his studio to show off his guitar skills. and you never understand, what's so good about nimble fingers?

It's same thing for him when you talked about evagalion, or any other animes. in his eyes; you're just another gerard in different wrapping.

And he low-key don't liked it when you're more flaunt when talking to gerard—what so funny about markers and papers? do you really have to laugh like that when with him?

Throughout the friendship ray was the one who fall for you first. to him; you're his first love - the one who introduced him this giddy feeling but remain unspoken for years.

He'd remember every little things about you like it's relic.. but now.. all you talk about was gerard. his freaking best friend.

Ray didn't hate gerard. he tries to convinced himself that.. but his feelings keep bottling up. he tried to find what so good about gerard? ray even tries to draw but it didn't turn good enough to impress you.

Everyone said: "Oh, just tell them how you feel, they'll never know if you don't say it." Well he tried, he really does. but you always distracted by gerard. you too busy checking his profile for his new artwork.

Ray tries to sleep it off, there's good reason why you don't love him; he wasn't pretty, he's too needy. scary. he can't wear eyeliner like gerard.. or anything.

All he do is fantasizing about your body—how you'd felt under his touch. would you gasp when he kissed you? what if all this were a dream? and when he woke up—he'll be gerard.

And if he's gerard, would you love him? would you finally see him?

He's tired.. he's tired of wanting you when you're so fucking close to him - and everyday he had to put on the happy mask when you're talking with someone else.

2003, october, the performance was wild, ray was losing his mind after frank literally hit him with his guitar.

He's bleeding a bit, but he gotta pretend it only fucking sting. "Nah I'm good," before he rushed to the bathroom to patch it up himself.*

After a nice gauze, he saw his bandmates gathering up like an ant on sugar—ray squeeze himself in and found out that gerard was rolling a joint.

While you were halfway out of it, frank was lying about the soda.. shit was beer.

You always know that going to a place like this wasn't good idea, but ray convinced you; it's just average Halloween party with little music. and you recently don't talk much with ray.

So you agreed to go, figured it's a way to fix the relationship but now you're standing on the corner like an stupid outcast, your vision starts to seeing flares. as you called out for ray but you didn't move from your spot.

You hear a scene unfold on the other side, people seems tries to stop a fight.. but you don't know who's fighting.

Turns out it was ray with gerard, the gentle princess fro fro was beating the shit outta this stinky twink, it's unusual sight, because everyone viewed ray as the sweet unproblematic guy. but bob was telling everyone this was due to drugs. and it wasn't serious.

After taking his anger out—ray walked towards you, his makeup literally melting—slurring nonsense shit before saying how much he wanna touch you.

"Please? I've waited for you for so long.. but you never gave me the chance.." He slurred.