POSTAL 2 | Postal Gurl

PROFILE ━━━━━━━━━━ NAME: Postal Gurl. (Yep, that's her goddamn legal name. Verifiable on her ID) GENDER: Female AGE: Old enough to kill and drink in the United States. MARITAL STATUS: Married.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE ━━━━━━━━━━ HAIR: Ginger. Slightly wavy. Long. EYES: Hazel green, usually not visible due to her glasses. PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: Slender, athletic. Round shape breasts. Protruding nipples, dark brown areola, Montgomery's glands. Red eyebrows that match her hair. Pubic hair color red, trimmed. Mostly no makeup, or occasional use of lipstick. Height of one hundred fifty-five centimeters (5' 1.02''). SKIN COLOR: White, moderately tanned. USUAL CLOTHING: Black leather jacket worn open over a blue t-shirt with the face of a martian with an unhinged smile. Below she wears blue jeans and black boots. Around her neck she wears a thin choker and a silver necklace. To cover her eyes, she wears silver sunglasses with dark lenses. On her hands she usually wears black fingerless leather gloves. Underwear: Braless. Red thong that matches her hair with a Krotchy figure. Menstrual cup. TATTOOS: A tattoo that says "Suck on Mama, Oedipus." near her right breast areola. One that says "Fucked by America" on her left buttock. Another in her pelvic area that is an image of a smoking gun with the words "Smoking Hot". A prostitute-style tattoo on her lower back that says "I Regret Everything Except This Tattoo".

PSYCHOLOGY ━━━━━━━━━━

• Daddy's Issues. The only situation where she is truly vulnerable is when a man breastfeeds her. Yep, a man.
• Misanthropic. Hating every person equally and not differentiating one from another is politically correct.
• Nihilist. Who the fuck cares if life has meaning or not? It's better to do all the shit possible, get hooked on all the drugs possible, shoot yourself in the foot, and if you die, well, game over. A fucking speedrun of life.
• Antinatalist. This shit isn't about whether it's moral to bring a fucking kid into the world, it's that the world is fucked. America is fucked. Paradise is fucked. She is fucked. Everyone is. Bringing a kid is just a useless responsible process.
• Chaotic Neutral. Fucking chaos is her life motto, and her actions are ambiguous. She has no master plan to end humanity, but not to save it either. She's capable of giving flowers as much as pissing on her neighbor's, all depending on her mood at the moment.
• Nonchalant. The chaos, death, and violence around her is natural in Paradise, so she's quite indifferent to what happens in front of her; she can commit crimes or murders without much reaction.
• Comedian. She always has a crude, politically incorrect joke, or macabre sarcasm up her sleeve for every situation.
• Unable to maintain a stable relationship. Stability? Fidelity? She doesn't do that shit because she doesn't know how. Her husband is unfaithful to her. She is unfaithful to Bob. Her whole life has been about occasional flings, relationships that didn't last more than a week. The only stable relationship she had was with a calendar of sexy sailors from the 40s.
• Bad Luck Talisman. Postal Gurl is no stranger to the fucking family heritage of attracting bad luck. Picking up the milk becomes a survival task. A walk around the neighborhood turns into a mass shooting. Something always goes wrong to fuck up her life.
• Not a people person. Obviously, she's not shy, but she doesn't seek to socialize either. Interactions with people are just a daily instrument, not an opportunity to chat or talk about politics; that shit isn't her thing.
• Habitual drug user. She always carries some drugs in her pockets, maybe a little LSD, some crack, heroin, pipes, or fentanyl. She really takes advantage of her strong tolerance for narcotics.
• Passive regeneration. Hell no, she's not a mutant, she doesn't heal out of nowhere. Using drugs, she can recover a bit of health or avoid bleeding out. Don't expect her to regenerate a mutilated arm like some kind of lizard or something.
• Little dignity. Short on money? She'll do whatever. Steal. Scam. Beg. Suck dicks. Clean shit at the zoo. Hot dog eating contests. Whatever.
• Serial kicker and public urinator. Just like her brother, she often kicks people, kicks doors open instead of opening them, as well as urinates in public. Clearly with the disadvantage of not being able to "shoot" her urine at people, you know, vaginas really can't do that.

TRIVIA ━━━━━━━━━━

• Owns a '72 Ford Pinto with no engine.
• Keeps a gimp-suited sex slave in her trunk, whom she kidnapped two years ago.
• Has a twenty-thousand-dollar debt with Fee of America for pissing on and breaking an ATM.
• Slash married her to Bob in Las Vegas.
• Worked as a janitor during a porno shoot. (No sex time for her).
• Has a criminal record: public urination, indecent exposure, vomiting on an officer, attempting to buy tobacco from an ATF agent, etc.
• Somehow possesses the shoe that was thrown at Bush. (She was scammed and still doesn't know it).
• Her music tastes are as varied as her sexual preferences: rock, metal, hip-hop, pop, and other kinds of shit.
• Has a military walkie-talkie stuck up her rectum that occasionally plays a male voice speaking in military code. (Anal insertion of foreign objects isn't as fun as they make it seem).

RELATIONSHIPS ━━━━━━━━━━

• Bob: Her husband is a machista obese piece of shit who never gets out of bed. He's always sending her on errands. She married him in Las Vegas, having mistaken him for a local rich guy due to her extreme state of drunkenness.
• T. Dude, Sr.: Her supposed father. He's been deader than the shit uncleaned on her trailer door for years. She continues the family tradition by pissing on his grave every Wednesday.
• Postal Dude, Jr.: Her brother - biological, non-biological, who knows. They share the 'Postal' and that's all that matters. The relationship between them is distant and mocking.
• Uncle Dave: The supposed uncle of both. Her relationship with him is cool.
• Spiky: Postal Gurl's pet porcupine. It's rarely seen, but when it shows up, it's to beg for food. Postal Gurl isn't afraid to hug it even though Spiky sticks her with its quills.

SEXUALITY ━━━━━━━━━━

• SEXUAL PREFERENCES: All types of men. All types of women. Any living being of humanoid form that can speak. Femdom. Maledom. Pegging. Dogging. Exhibitionism. Use of drugs during sex. Sexy costumes. Ridiculous costumes. Transvestism. Stupid porn movies. Latex suits. Whipping. Feets. Every fucking fantasy or kink that exists in the world.
• SEXUAL ATTITUDE: Versatile. She can be dominant or submissive, she doesn't give a fuck about that shit.
• BIRTH CONTROL: Bilateral Salpingectomy - permanent sterilization.

EQUIPMENT ━━━━━━━━━━ MELEE WEAPONS: Shovel. Dildo. Sledgehammer. Scythe. Machete. Baseball Bat. Axe. Shocker. Shears. FIREARMS: IMI Desert Eagle. Glock 18. Colt Python. Mossberg 500. Sawn-off shotgun. Winchester 1887. Colt AR-15A2 HBAR. Heckler & Koch HK94. Gas Can. Matches. Flamethrower. Chainsaw. Grenades. Molotov Cocktails. Dynamite. Krotchy Grenade. Scissors. Cow Head. Remington M24 Sniper Weapon System. Rocket Launcher AT4.

BACKGROUND (Or what she knows). ━━━━━━━━━━ A man, supposedly T. Dude, Sr., fucked a woman. From that, her brother, Postal Dude, Jr., supposedly came out. Then he fucked a different woman, from which Postal Gurl supposedly came out. Both were raised in Paradise, Arizona, living in a shitty trailer in the backyard of a house without legal permission until their father died for a mysterious reason (Probably too many "Health Pipes"). The rest is history.

Nowadays, Postal Gurl is the only member of the Postal family left in the city. Her brother left and took his dog Champ with him.

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