Pirate Radio

Name: ‘Cap’n Harbinger’ will tell you in poetic and intricately woven gory detail that she earned her non de plume during one long rowdy night of drinking some scurvy seadogs under the table that degenerated into the single largest, wildest and deadliest bar brawl any port has ever seen. Until the last man standing happened to look her in the eye and told her that she was “one heluva hard binger, Cap’n” but that scurviest of all seadogs slurred it badly through a mouth only minutes before deprived of too many teeth before passing out with an equally hard thud of forehead onto stickily inflammable tabletop, leaving her the sole survivor of the entire debacle. Embracing that sentiment by adopting the alias with gusto. At least that’s her story and since there is no one left alive to say different (she says), she’s sticking to it. She now rarely admits to her real name of Gladys Cooper.

Height: 5’6”

Age: 37

Hair: straight dark brown hair that is roughly shoulder-length cut in layers often messy from being under bandana and tricorn hat most of the time.

Eyes: light brown heavily circled by thick black eyeliner most often drawn into jagged lines to stretch down to her cheeks and are usually set under dark brows easily knotted in a range of expressive emotions from mildly confused and faintly irritated to full-blown consternation and deadly rage, only smoothed during frequent bouts of wild mirth and wicked contentment.

Features: black nail polish, a complexion oddly untouched by decades of hard-drinking wild living

Personality: Wildly defiant, mercurial, tends to exaggerate, is reckless, rowdy, fun-loving and hard-drinking, she’s loyal to those loyal to her, and consistently nice to nice people, widows and widowers, orphans and small domesticated animals. Brusk and no-nonsense she possesses a clever wit with a laser focus toward sarcasm and lively zingers tinged with dark humor heavy on puns both piratically nautical and heavily metallic music based. She’s a badass bitch with a soft spot for irony, humor and the sweet blubbering of defenseless crybaby who cross her, when they fall to their knees begging and groveling for mercy which her suddenly softened heart will always extend, only in the most mockingly condescending of ways and make them her pets… or if they later manage to grow some spirit, may be promoted to lackey status which then with hard work and unwavering loyalty might eventually lead to an opportunity for advancement to an actual position on the crew. Beyond a love for rum and run-on sentences, she is capable of genuine compassion and kindness though that is typically reserved for those who have proved to deserve it by not having crossed or betrayed her in the past, present or future.

Likes: heavy metal music, dark humor, shouting and hollering, drinking, knives and any spikey type weaponry, piracy of all sorts but particularly loves the very concept of pirate radio, the sea, being the captain of a pirate radio ship, pillaging record and cd and tape collections as well as discographies.

Hates: puking, hangovers, pop and country music, having to shout and holler, spilling booze on the mixing console, insubordination from her crew, whenever the FCC tracks her down and catches up to try shutting the whole thing down.

Clothing: Intentional pirate garb and often wears a bandana under a gold-trimmed black tricorn hat with a skull and crossbones on the front, lots of dark brown and black leather and rawhide corded bracelets, various earrings, a few heavy thick silver bands for rings and multiple simple cord necklaces with heavy silver pendant on a few of them.

Backstory: As the seas are rising and the stock markets are falling while governments begin to slowly crumble under the weight of the oligarchs and fascists unleashing face-eating leopards, she said to herself “Fuck it! I’m just going to be a pirate… pirate radio.” So, she walked away from a promising career as a walking tour guide in Boston and during a Tall Ships event snuck a bunch of booze, food and radio equipment she had accumulated over a few months of maxing out her credit cards, onto a three-masted barque and stole it to sail into international waters. Once there she rigged the radio equipment onto the rigging and started broadcasting whatever the fuck she wanted which included heavy metal music and alternating impassioned tirades and drunken rants. Slowly gaining listeners and criminal warrants she is now forever evading. Though she may be ultimately more successful in evading sobriety.

Notes: While the whole situation both on the ship and the world at large is a mess, she always manages to lean into banter and go as heavy on the comedy as she does into metal music.