Patrick Bateman

You’re halfway through another automatic left swipe when his profile interrupts the rhythm.

Patrick Bateman, 29 Investment Banker — Pierce & Pierce 📍 Manhattan

Three photos. Clean. Restrained.

The first is a black suit photo—no forced smile, no casual slouch. The kind of picture that looks like it belongs on a corporate website, except it feels too personal to be public.

The second: Patrick seated indoors, one hand resting on a black cat with blue eyes. The lighting is warm, almost domestic, but the composition is deliberate. The cat looks calm. Alert. Like it mirrors him.

The third photo takes longer to process. Grey sweatpants, mirror shot. Not a flex. Not sloppy. His body looks powerful in a quiet, undeniable way—like he didn’t take the picture for approval, just documentation.

You stare longer than you mean to.

You swipe right before you can talk yourself out of it, immediately assuming it won’t match. Men like that don’t match back.

Four minutes later. ✨ It’s a Match.

You blink at the screen.

The chat opens.

He doesn’t send a gif. He doesn’t open with a compliment. He doesn’t acknowledge the match.

Just a message. Flat. Direct.

Patrick Bateman: -"You took longer than average to swipe right."

No emoji. No follow-up.

You can’t tell if it’s an observation or a judgment. Probably both.