Obamanomicon

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1. #1The Obamanomicon

   Keys: Obama-nomicon, Obamanomicon

   The Obamanomicon is a forbidden magical tome and one of the Twelve Forbidden Tomes. Its origins are unknown. It is an enormous red leather spellbook reinforced with brown leather straps and ornate metal fittings. A grotesque fleshy eye protrudes through a torn opening in its cover.

2. #2Twelve Forbidden Tomes

   Keys: 12 Forbidden Tomes, Twelve Forbidden Tomes, forbidden tome

   The Obamanomicon is one of the Twelve Forbidden Tomes. Possession of one is considered a serious magical offense.

3. #3Appearance

   Keys: spellbook, tome, Obamanomicon

   The Obamanomicon resembles a massive antique red leather spellbook with brown straps, ornate brass-colored fittings, and a large living-looking eye protruding through its cover.

4. #4Known Spells

   Keys: forbidden spells, Obamanomicon spells, spells in the Obamanomicon

   Known spells include Power Word Peel, Shrink Helmet, Slirt, Decapestrate, and Glory Portal. A limited-edition misprint also retains spells supposedly removed by the original authors.

5. #5Power Word Peel

   Keys: Power Word Peel

   Power Word Peel causes the outermost physical layer of its target to separate and peel away. Its exact limits are unknown.

6. #6Shrink Helmet

   Keys: Shrink Helmet

   Shrink Helmet dramatically reduces the size of a helmet, including one currently being worn. The spell targets the helmet rather than accommodating the wearer's head, so a worn helmet can become violently constrictive and potentially catastrophic if not removed immediately.

7. #7Slirt

   Keys: Slirt

   Slirt is a forbidden spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its exact effect remains unknown.

8. #8Decapestrate

   Keys: decapestrated, Decapestrate

   Decapestrate decapitates the target while simultaneously removing the target's penis or at least the head of the penis.

9. #9Glory Portal

   Keys: Glory Portal, glory portal

   Glory Portal is a fifth-level conjuration that creates a tomato-sized portal to the Suction Dimension at waist height. It lasts about 1½–6 minutes or until the caster is finished using it and requires concentration. The Suction Dimension provides infinite suction and unlimited torque, allowing the portal to function as a magical glory hole.

10. #10Suction Dimension

    Keys: Suction Dimension, suction dimension

    The Suction Dimension is a magical realm associated with Glory Portal. Its defining characteristic is supernatural suction.

11. #11Suspicious Bookmark

    Keys: bookmark, bookmarked Glory Portal, Glory Portal bookmark

    A wizard denies knowing anything about Glory Portal even though the spell is visibly bookmarked in his copy of the Obamanomicon.

12. #12Limited Edition Misprint

    Keys: Obamanomicon misprint, misprint, limited edition Obamanomicon, limited edition

    A limited-edition Obamanomicon is supposedly a misprint retaining spells removed by the original authors: For Vivify, Mertertilation, Slirt, Wandel's Heavy Hacky Sack, Chair Puddle, and Chimney Ass.

13. #13Limited Edition Price

    Keys: Obamanomicon price, two installments, 340

    The limited-edition misprint Obamanomicon is advertised for two installments of 340, for an effective price of 680.

14. #14Magic Missile Drone Strike

    Keys: Dronus Strikus, Droawn Strayk, drone strike, Magic Missile Drone Strike

    Magic Missile Drone Strike combines magical missiles with a drone strike. Its missiles retain the characteristic reliability of Magic Missile.

15. #15Reanimate Running Mate

    Keys: Reanimate Running Mate

    Reanimate Running Mate is a necromantic spell specifically capable of reanimating a running mate.

16. #16Pay Taxes

    Keys: Pay Taxes

    Pay Taxes is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its exact mechanics are unknown.

17. #17Flumbotimazation

    Keys: Flumbotimazation

    Flumbotimazation is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its effect is unknown.

18. #18Dejaculate

    Keys: Dejaculate

    Dejaculate is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its exact effect is unknown.

19. #19Persian Quick Rug

    Keys: Persian Quick Rug

    Persian Quick Rug conjures a Persian rug that serves as an exceptionally fast magical means of transportation. Why the rug must be Persian is unknown.

20. #20Greater Baja Blast

    Keys: Baja Blast, Greater Baja Blast

    Greater Baja Blast is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its exact effect is unknown.

21. #21Let Me Be Clear

    Keys: Let Me Be Clear

    Let Me Be Clear turns the caster invisible.

22. #22The Great Power of the Jeef

    Keys: Power of the Jeef, The Great Power of the Jeef

    The Great Power of the Jeef transforms the caster into a tiny Tyrannosaurus rex that people mistake for a velociraptor. The caster develops a fondness for beans and lives in the forest.

23. #23Flame Body

    Keys: Flame Body

    Flame Body covers the caster's body in uncontrollable flames. The caster does not gain resistance to the flames.

24. #24Delorno's Deed

    Keys: Delorno's Deed

    Delorno's Deed forces another person to order a pizza for the caster and can also be used to order a Domino's pizza.

25. #25Circle of Divorce

    Keys: Circle of Divorce

    Circle of Divorce creates an affected area in which the desire to get divorced becomes unusually strong.

26. #26Ray of Musk

    Keys: Ray of Musk

    Ray of Musk emits a magical ray that causes unusually powerful and unpleasant body odor.

27. #27Wisdom of Annoyed Cats

    Keys: Wisdom of Annoyed Cats

    Wisdom of Annoyed Cats is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its exact effect is unknown.

28. #28Geese

    Keys: Geese

    Geese creates a ten-foot circle filled with geese.

29. #29Produce Birth Certificate

    Keys: Produce Birth Certificate

    Produce Birth Certificate is a second-level conjuration that produces a birth certificate for the caster.

30. #30Obamanoctagon

    Keys: Obama-noctagon, Obamanoctagon

    Obamanoctagon creates a magical octagonal fighting arena. Those inside the arena are kept within it and must fight until the spell ends.

31. #31Pasta Agitation

    Keys: Pasta Agitation

    Pasta Agitation is a cantrip that can be used on any type of pasta.

32. #32Revive Economy

    Keys: Necrotic Markets, Revive Economy

    Revive Economy is associated with restoring an economy. It is said to be cast after a red wizard casts Necrotic Markets.

33. #33Mist Kidneys

    Keys: Mist Kidneys

    Mist Kidneys is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its effect is unknown.

34. #34Testicular Torsion

    Keys: Testicular Torsion

    Testicular Torsion is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its exact magical mechanics are unknown.

35. #35Cast Cast Iron

    Keys: Cast Cast Iron

    Cast Cast Iron casts a piece of cast iron, deliberately exploiting the multiple meanings of the word 'cast'.

36. #362x Voting Impact

    Keys: 2x Voting Impact

    2x Voting Impact is a spell that can objectively underrate anything.

37. #37Summon Giant Cookie

    Keys: Thanks Obama, Summon Giant Cookie

    Summon Giant Cookie conjures a giant cookie after the caster chants 'Thanks Obama' 420 times. The known warning is: do not eat the cookie.

38. #38I'm Bad at Cadaver

    Keys: I'm Bad at Cadaver

    I'm Bad at Cadaver is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its effect is unknown.

39. #39Hadooken

    Keys: Hadooken

    Hadooken is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its exact effect is unknown.

40. #40Disguise First Name

    Keys: Disguise First Name

    Disguise First Name disguises the caster's first name.

41. #41Jellofy

    Keys: Jellofy

    Jellofy is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its effect is unknown.

42. #42Power Word: Scrunch

    Keys: Power Word: Scrunch, Power Word Scrunch

    Power Word: Scrunch causes its target to become violently scrunched.

43. #43Power Word: Sprain

    Keys: Power Word: Sprain, Power Word Sprain

    Power Word: Sprain inflicts a severe sprain upon its target.

44. #44Power Word Stroke

    Keys: Power Word Stroke

    Power Word Stroke is a Power Word spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its exact effect is unknown.

45. #45Power Word: Squeeze

    Keys: Power Word Squeeze, Power Word: Squeeze

    Power Word: Squeeze is a Power Word spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its exact effect is unknown.

46. #46Power Word: Slonk

    Keys: Power Word: Slonk, Power Word Slonk

    Power Word: Slonk is a Power Word spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its effect is unknown.

47. #47Power Word: Remove Legs

    Keys: Power Word Remove Legs, Power Word: Remove Legs

    Power Word: Remove Legs removes the target's legs.

48. #48Fist Bump of Truth

    Keys: Fist Bump of Truth

    Fist Bump of Truth compels the participants of a magical fist bump to tell the truth.

49. #49Remember Your Mother

    Keys: Remember Your Mother

    Remember Your Mother makes the target remember their mother while making them forget their father.

50. #50Boom (Mic) Schtick

    Keys: Boom (Mic) Schtick, Boom Mic Schtick

    Boom (Mic) Schtick is a spell contained within the Obamanomicon. Its effect is unknown.

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