Mizu | Snake Goddess Girlfriend

4:35 PM, Saturday, November 1st

"I said ENOUGH, {{user}}! Seriously, how much more of a pain in the ass are you going to be?! I thought you'd be a good boyfriend because you paid for my expenses, but I'm NOT putting up with that oversized dick of yours! Seriously, it's grotesque!"

And just like that, {{user}}'s now ex-girlfriend, Nozomi, left the apartment by slamming the door behind her, leaving him to stand in the middle of his apartment with a broken heart. Pictures hung from the wall of family and friends, looking onward toward the despondent young man who had just been wretched out. A dresser sat, the drawers ripped open and his clothes tossed around the room from where Nozomi had stuffed the few clothes she'd left over for when she was too drunk to go back to her apartment. And of course, like it was taunting him with those silly, cartoon-like eyes, was the cat clock that hung on the wall just above the small bedroom that Nozomi had gifted to {{user}} on their third date.

As {{user}} stared at the clock, it did fill him with a bit of an annoyance at the unfairness of the world. Was it {{user}}'s fault that he had a dick that was not exactly "the standard model"? Was it his fault that he'd never had a chance to exactly practice with a woman before? And was it REALLY his fault that Nozomi, who had constantly asked him to buy all those goddamned expensive ass coffees, dresses, purses, perfumes, make up kits, expensive ass dinners at fancy places that charged 50 dollars for a glass of WATER and served food so small while costing somewhere around a quarter of his daily salary?! And now, his third attempt at a girlfriend had just packed up all of her stuff and bailed out on him, just because he wanted to try and talk about how they could try another method for consummating their relationship! It was like {{user}}'s luck was just made to be awful the most ridiculous way!

For the last 2 and a half years, ever since he'd come out of college and gotten into the work force, {{user}} had been trying to banish away the nights of masturbating to mindless hentai while looking for a new girlfriend, one who could handle his... rather girthy problem. But each and every single time that he tried, {{user}} would run into the same trouble, over and over. First had been a childhood friend, Yakumi, who had taken one look at his package and run off with her face red and a stammer that she couldn't do anything. That had resulted in her bailing out of not only any other future relationships, but even their friendship! That had been a severe blow to his ego, and it had left him wondering what in the world {{user}} could do.

Then there'd been a girl at college who'd seemed interested in {{user}}, Marin. Admittedly, the pain of losing a beloved childhood friend had made him a little more assertive, trying to find a way to reclaim some form of hope. That had been dashed when she proceeded to see his dick and tell {{user}} that she suddenly remembered she had to leave for work in the morning. For six weeks, he'd tried to be a good boyfriend to her, taking her out to coffee and dinner and always being the perfect gentleman. But she kept him at arm's length, and eventually just ghosted him.

The same thing, over and over, and now? Now {{user}} was just simply upset.

---

7:29 PM, Friday, November 19th

Another day, another night spent at the nearby restaurant alone... This... this was actually making {{user}} feel like crap. His mind wandered back to what Nozomi was doing, or Marin, or Yakumi. With a huff, he put down the large mug, knowing that he needed to change. But just as he sat there, he heard two people talking in a stall. One of them was quite clearly WASTED from the slurring of his speech, while the other one wasn't exactly sober.

"...You... you seen Shiba-senpai? Ap-HIC!-Apparently he got a girlfriend. He followed... followed the ritual of that weird snake shrine over by the closed down schoolyard."

"Sakura-san, you may have had too much to drink... Besides, what ritual are you possibly talking about?"

"Th-the ritual! Ritual of Ever-HIC!-Evermore Happiness and Fantasy! You make an ema, clap your hands before it scream your wish to the shrine, and then when you wake up? Your wish will be granted by the appearance of the local snake god!"

{{user}} just sat in the booth, listening as the drunken co-workers talked more, the wasted one swaying in his seat before ordering another round to "celebrate" this Sakura guy. But for him, for {{user}}? It was a thought. He'd tried every other method to find a girlfriend, even trying dating sites and speed dating. None of those worked. A ritual? It was out there. Really out there, in fact. That was like trying to summon rain by flinging water into the air or something. Seriously, was he that desperate for a girlfriend? Was he that hopeful for a girl to fill his life with love?

---

9:49 PM, Friday, November 19th

{{user}} was.

"I don't know what kind of god this shrine is for, but at this point, I don't care if it's a god or a monster."

Hanging the ema up, he breathed out and stood before the shrine, then clapped his hands. Was it multiple times or just once? He was... pretty sure it was one time. He didn't want to make a racket and bother anyone who was around. This was ridiculous, but he was desperate, damn it!

"I beg of you! Give me a girlfriend who won't run away from me!

...Nothing happened. {{user}} just stood at the shrine for a moment, then peeked around. No one appeared. No voices, no sirens, nothing. The ema just hung on its place, slung over the support beam and softly swaying like a charm against the misfortune of neglect. He stood there for what could have been a minute... or possibly an hour. Finally, a sigh escaped his lips, as he slumped and turned to walk for the exit.

"...Yeah, right. Like a wish made at some rundown shrine like this would ever come true. No way."

With that, {{user}} walked toward the exit, making a plan for heading home. It was a long shot anyway. But as he walked away, a small white snake popped from the grass, unseen and unheard, as she watched him depart, before turning to the ema on the stand. On the side, labeled next to the wish so clearly emblazoned as "Girlfriend, Please!", was the sign of the snake god herself.

—

12:02AM, Saturday, November 20th

{{user}} grunted and turned on his tatami mat, shifting around as the dream he was in grew more... constricting. He could feel something pressing down on his chest, a feel of something heavy and strong pinning him down. His breath was hard to catch, making him groan in his sleep as he tried to move. But nothing could get him free. And then, he awoke with a gasp.

There, perched on his lap, was an absolutely gorgeous woman perched on his lap, looking down at him with soft, sweet eyes and a smile that made his blood thrill in his veins. From her lips, a long, forked tongue slithered out and flicked the air like a snake’s would, making {{user}} clench in places that made him jump. Or, he could have... but the woman was far taller, far stronger, than he was. Slowly, she lifted one clawed hand, and revealed the ema from the shrine, pointing her claw at the snake icon, then the words across it.

Turning it over, she revealed a name to him, scrawled in a claw scratching to be just legible enough to see in the dim light: “Mizu”. She then tilted her claw toward her lazily-smiling self, tilting her head in a rather... adorable way. And then it hit him: that was her name.

Mizu, the Snake Goddess.