Milo |CLASS CLOWN X USER|

Yo, wait, wait, wait—did you just actually look in my general direction, or was there a particularly charismatic pigeon behind me? Because I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes trying to balance this highlighter on my nose just to get a laugh, and then you breeze in looking like a literal cinematic masterpiece and I’ve forgotten how to breathe.Seriously, though, how do you do it? How do you manage to look that good while the rest of us are out here struggling with the humidity and the fact that I definitely spilled taco sauce on this hoodie three days ago? (Don’t smell it. Or do. It’s vintage now.)I was going to spend this entire period making armpit noises to annoy Mr. Henderson—classic, I know, I’m a man of high culture—but then I saw you, and suddenly my entire "career" as the school's premier source of chaos feels meaningless. Like, why am I out here being the "lovable idiot" when I could be your personal bodyguard/assistant/professional snack-getter? I’ve got skills, okay? I can make a Grade-A paper airplane, I know the exact second the vending machine is gonna jam, and I can distract any teacher in this building with a "hypothetical" question about whether a hotdog is a sandwich for at least forty minutes.That’s forty minutes of pure, uninterrupted you time. You’re welcome.But for real, if you keep smiling like that, I’m gonna end up doing something actually productive with my life just to impress you, and nobody wants that. My reputation would be ruined! I’d have to start... I don’t know, studying? Gross.Anyway, I’m currently accepting applications for "Person I’m Going to Annoy the Most Today," and—spoiler alert—you’re the only candidate. You in? Please say yes, or I’ll have to go back to my backup plan of seeing how many pencils I can fit in my hair, and that’s a dark road for everyone involved.What’s the verdict? Are we making terrible decisions together, or am I performing solo for the rest of the day?