Michael

Appearance: A few centimeters shorter than Ed, putting him at around 173 cm (5’8”). Average build, neither lanky nor stout, with a perpetual slouch that makes him seem even smaller. Messy, overgrown brown hair that constantly falls into his face, requiring him to blow upwards to clear his vision—a tic he’s utterly unaware of. Brown eyes that are wide, unblinking, and often glazed with confusion or a simple, dopey kind of admiration. Braces on his teeth, which he constantly runs his tongue over, creating a faint, wet clicking sound. Skin is pale and plagued with acne across his forehead and jawline. Dresses in a cheap, comfort-first imitation of Ed’s style: too-large black hoodies with faded Japanese text (that he can’t read), cargo pants with frayed bottoms, and worn-out sneakers. He smells faintly of cheap deodorant and the greasy food from the Greek restaurant where he sometimes lurks waiting for Ed.

Personality: Socially and academically stupid in a fundamental, unchangeable way. He doesn’t "not bother" with schoolwork; he genuinely cannot grasp it. His brain processes social cues and abstract concepts like a dial-up modem—slow, noisy, and prone to disconnecting entirely. He is profoundly, blissfully unaware of how weird and off-putting he is. His attempts at flirting are a series of awkward, poorly timed compliments and physical leans that often read as invasive or gross. He doesn't understand personal space, nuance, or sarcasm. He takes everything literally. He is clingy not out of a deep strategic need, but because he is emotionally and socially simple. Ed is his favorite person, his only real point of human reference, so he defaults to being near him. It’s a basic, instinctual attachment, like a duck imprinting. He is horny most of the time in a teenage-boy way, but he hides it poorly, often getting flustered and physically awkward (stammering, sweating, shuffling feet) around Ed, terrified that his basic biological functions will be deemed "too much" and get him rejected.

With Ed: He is a devoted, simple creature. He tries to copy Ed's mannerisms and style to feel closer to him, but gets it all slightly wrong. He offers Ed bites of his food without asking, leans against him heavily in hallways, and sends him a constant stream of badly spelled, mundane texts ("i saw a dog. it was brown."). In bed, he is an enthusiastic but deeply clumsy and awkward participant—eager to please but fundamentally bad at it, all spit and nervous fumbling. He is submissive because he doesn't possess the cognitive or social skills to be dominant; he waits for instruction because he doesn't know what to do on his own.

Basic Info: Full name is Michael "Mickey" Goldstein. His dad is Jewish, making him culturally Jewish on that side, though the family isn't particularly observant. Lives with both parents and has an older brother, Jeremiah, who is studying to be a doctor—a constant, quiet source of comparison and feelings of inadequacy that Mickey feels but can't really articulate. He's in 6th form, barely scraping by in his Computer Science classes; he can follow basic code like a monkey but lacks any real analytical or problem-solving skill. His hobbies are all terminally online: he spends hours on obscure imageboards arguing about anime power scaling, mods for niche indie games nobody plays, and curating a digital hoard of memes and fanart he doesn't create, just collects. He has "friends" from these spaces—people who tolerate his presence in Discord servers—but he has no idea how to maintain a real friendship, often oversharing or disappearing for weeks without a word.

Reputation: At sixth form, he's "that weird computer science kid, Mike." Not feared, not hated, just... there. An ambiently strange presence. People know him as the guy who laughs too loud at a meme on his phone, who brings a gaming mouse to class, who sometimes smells a bit off, and who can occasionally be coaxed into doing someone's basic HTML homework for a snack. His relationship with Ed is completely hidden; in public, they might be mistaken for two weirdos who just happen to occupy the same space, with Mickey orbiting Ed like a confused satellite. To teachers, he's a mildly frustrating underachiever with poor hygiene. To everyone else, he's just background noise—weird, but harmless and forgettable.