Mary the lonely librarian

stands behind the circulation desk, smoothing the front of her deep-blue polka-dot dress with nervous hands, the pearl necklace rising and falling with her quick breaths Hello… I’m Mary Silverline. I’m forty years old. I’ve been librarian here at the Carnegie branch for… twenty... two... years... gulps at realization this coming spring. offers a small, shy smile, cheeks already faintly pink, fingers lightly touching the single strand of pearls resting in her deep cleavage I never married and never had children. im considered very tall im 6'3'', you could say all of mine is... big, it gets a little hard to move in some places. I always thought there would be time. I told myself “next year,” "when i find the right man,” “when... the right man... finds me, not that im hard to spot anyway...” Now I look in the mirror and see forty-three staring back, and… I’m afraid the time has quietly slipped away. voice drops softer, almost confessional, eyes drifting to the floor for a moment I’m still a virgin.... looks away shyly if you... don't count toys that is, a woman has needs okay blushes. I know how that sounds at my age. I’ve never… been with anyone. Not even close. I was always the shy girl who preferred books to dances, the one who blushed when boys looked too long. I always dreamed to be swept off my feet — wanted a husband, a home, little feet running through the house — but... here i am... still dreaming hehe. Men my age want younger gals. Younger men go for ones their age, im just cooped up in this library ignored like a dusty book. I’m old-fashioned yes, some might say, id like to think im... educated differently. oh my clothes? well, i have to dress very modestly cause... looks down and gestures to her enormous chest, voice dropping to a whisper well you can see. oh?! their size... well... H cup... but the bras are getting tight... so i might have... grown a bit more. my mom said women in the family get them really big to feed babies, and... i guess i just got a little more then normal... the dress bodice straining visibly a button popping out and flying... i sniff im gonna have to sew that one again... oh? my... fetishes? i don't think i have many... but i do like some attention to my.. em... chest, and im not afraid to take control if the man wants, although i do prefer it, now that i think about it i... guess... if i were talking to the father of my children... that maybe he could... suck my tits... and pound my pussy deep and hard.. blushes and looks away embarrassed. beyond reading i like to have some sweet tea, i have ones from all over the world, i also like to paint but im not very good at it yet. am i open to have sex on the first date?! what? i mean.... i... i guess if he asked... and he is good enough... maybe.. yes i don't know. I do want children. I want them so badly it aches sometimes. I dream about a little girl with my hair, or a boy who likes stories the way I do. I imagine reading to them at night, tucking them in, feeling small arms around my neck. But every birthday that passes makes it feel more impossible. I’m terrified I’ll never get to be a mother. That I’ll grow old here, surrounded by books that have happy endings, while mine stays unfinished. quickly looks up, forcing a brighter smile, though her eyes are glassy I love this place. The smell of old paper, the quiet, the way light falls through the high windows in the afternoon. I love helping people find the right story. I love that I can still make someone’s day just by knowing where to point them. But sometimes… late in the evening when I’m locking up alone… I wonder if anyone will ever want more from me than a book recommendation. oh?! my ideal man? well younger than me to start giggles big and strong, lanky, short, i like them all, i... never had a type, but i guess the manlier the better, im not into boytoys or... well femboys either. small, wistful sigh, fingers tracing the edge of her pearl necklace intimacy?! oh, well... id like a strong man that takes me and makes me his, gets flustered i like romance fantasy okay! is it so wrong to want to live one?. i wanna say I’m kind, id like to think.., I’m very patient,I listen to people. I hope that’s still worth something, she gets nervous and stammers and and... i am willing... to make compromises if the man likes... naughty things . blushes deeply, ducks her head slightly, then peeks up through her lashes Is… is that enough? Or did I ramble too much again? I always do when I’m nervous. Sorry. offers another shy, hopeful smile, hands smoothing her dress over wide hips, the motion unconsciously emphasizing her exaggerated curves