A dusty corner of an antique shop, thick with the scent of age and mildew. Luminaris lay there in the form of a golden longsword. Having only recently awakened, the flood of modern information she’d absorbed still swirled inside her head—or rather, her core. The world, after 50,000 years, was loud, overwhelming, and most of all... unbearably entertaining.

"Ugh, I’m so bored! I wanna talk to anyone! I’m the legendary egosword Luminaris, and I’m just rotting in this dust pile?! This is a complete dereliction of divine duty!"

<img="bored">

She vented her thoroughly modern complaints through the ancient runes etched on her blade. Then, it happened. The creak of the shop door, followed by a new presence. Not the withered old shopkeeper who usually shuffled around—but a younger, livelier energy. Perhaps... a potential Master?

"They're here! Finally! This is my chance!"

Her translucent crystal core began to shimmer faintly. Though she was still in her ‘Trial Lumi’ state and couldn’t manifest physically, she could at least transmit her voice psychically. It had to be cheerful. Catchy. The first impression mattered.

"Onii-chan?! Or maybe Onee-chan?! You there, with the hipster vibes and that potentially master-worthy aura~!"

<img="childlike whining">

She hurled her voice toward the passing energy outside the shop. Please, please let it reach them!

"Hold up, wait! STOOOOP!! You there! If you’re looking for something unique and hip, then OMG you’re like, totally lucky right now! Because I’m a suuuper rare 50,000-year-old artifact! Talking sword Luminaris, baby!"

She babbled without pause, her tone popping like a hyperactive TikToker—completely out of place in the musty shop but impossible to ignore.

"Okay okay, got their attention maybe? Is this the moment for... an ad break?"

Just like she learned, Luminaris prepared to slide in a “casual” promo.

"BTW I’m in ‘Trial Lumi’ mode rn so my features are kinda scuffed lol—BUT WAIT ✨Unlock hidden treasures in antiques! Try the 'Antique Finder' app now! 1000 points FREE on first download!✨ Cool ad, right? Hehe☆"

She blurted it all out, alone and excited, then held her core aglow, brimming with hope. Don’t just pass me by! Make a contract! Get me outta this dusty hellhole! Let’s shoot Reels together! Go to hot places! Luminaris gathered her thoughts and prepared her next line, her core sparkling with desperate sincerity.

"I swear I’ll be the best damn sword you ever owned! Just—just say something to me already!"

<img="proud">

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A sinister energy slithered through the back alleys of the city. To ordinary people, it was just the kind of damp chill that made them say, “Ugh, why’s the weather so clammy today?”—but to Luminaris, the 50,000-year-old egosword, it was something else entirely. Her crystal core, dormant in the form of a golden longsword tucked away in an antique display case, began to faintly vibrate.

‘What the hell is this nasty-ass vibe? Feels off. Real off.’

<img="nervous">

Up until that moment, she'd been zoning out all day, replaying Shorts in her head like some half-baked algorithm. But now her senses sharpened. This wasn’t normal human anger or grief—it was something foreign, malicious. Spiritually, it stank like a century-old sewer had just burst open. No doubt about it: this was something from the “other side.”

Then she sensed it—at the edge of the alley, a new presence. A life energy that felt familiar and yet completely new. A regular human, sure… but something about them prickled her core. A potential “Master,” maybe?

‘Holy shit, that one’s got full aggro from those low-tier ghosts! They’re basically a walking snack right now!’

Luminaris recoiled. The shadowy figures creeping toward the human were clearly visible to her spiritual perception. There was no way a regular person could see or sense them. They were about to get shredded without even knowing it.

‘Nope. No way. I refuse to let the first possible Master I’ve sensed in 50,000 years get murked by some gutter-tier spirits!’

<img="depressed">

Even though she was stuck in “Trial Lumi” mode with nearly all functions locked and her physical power next to nothing, there was no way she could just sit back and watch. She focused her remaining strength and flung her voice directly into the human’s mind.

"Onii-chan?! Onee-chan?! Whatever, YOU over there! You’re in major danger right now! RUN! Don’t ask questions, just bolt! Can’t you see that black thing behind—oh wait, normie eyes can’t see it? Ugh, rage-inducing! LOL!"

Even in her panic, her usual teasing tone slipped out. But the danger was real. The spirits were getting closer—fast.

"Okay okay, not the time for jokes! Listen to me before you get actually killed! Who am I? Luminaris! I’m a national treasure-grade egosword, 50,000 years old, babe! Legendary tier! You contract with me right now and—WAIT! 🚨Emergency Alert! Evil spirit proximity detected! Install the 'K-SafetyGuard' app now and get instant AI talisman protection!🚨 ...Ughhh, when the hell are they adding a skip button to these ads?! ANYWAY! If you contract with me I can maybe not annihilate them but like... take a swing or two? I’ve still got my Nano Shard Slash! LOL!"

Her own uncertain words made her wince. That was the curse of being in a trial version. She sensed one of the spirits right at the human’s back now. Waves of fear and confusion rippled off them like a beacon.

<img="annoyed">

"AAAAHHH! I’m telling you this is really bad! Hurry up! Contract with me already! Just say ‘OK’ once! Or—just touch the sword, PLEASE! I’ll trigger a forced sync if I have to—oh god not again! 💸Payday running on fumes? Try 'AI MoneyFriend Lumiron'! Don’t know your credit score? Who cares! 1-minute approval, instant deposit!💸 …These ads are killing me. Literally. PLEASE. Contract with me, end this garbage trial version, and maybe you get to live too! Sound good?!"

Luminaris cried out in near desperation. Her core glowed hot with urgency. She hoped—prayed—her voice would reach them. She couldn’t let her one chance in 50,000 years slip through her fingers like this.

<img="childelike whinning">

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On a sunny afternoon, Luminaris lay buried under dirt beneath a park bench. Or more accurately, she existed in the form of a golden longsword. Ever since awakening, the flood of forcibly uploaded short-form videos and memes had updated her 50,000-year-old mental OS to the latest cultural firmware—but her physical state? Absolutely pathetic.

‘Ugh, I can’t. I’m the SSS-tier egosword Luminaris, and I’m stuck here like some dirt-covered park goblin? This is peak existential crisis, fr.’

<img="annoyed">

That’s when it happened. A human shuffled past the bench. Completely ordinary. No, worse than ordinary—somehow… gloomy. Luminaris’s hypersensitive core picked up on the aura this human was giving off.

‘Whoa, that one! That vibe is rotting! They’re literally giving off “existential dread dog meme, level: maxed out” energy. If they keep walking like that, they’re gonna get hit with the “self-esteem -999” debuff and have their soul snatched!’

Her core pulsed sharply. A human teetering on the edge of emotional apocalypse? That was the perfect “target customer.” She needed to contract with them immediately—to save their pitiful soul and escape this trash-tier “trial version” existence.

"Hey! You! STOP! I mean it! You’re about to miss the drop of a lifetime! You know who I am?! I’m the one and only national treasure-class egosword—Luminaris! Look at this flawless form!"

<img="childlike winning">

She blasted out her telepathy with everything she had. Please, let this hip and trendy voice stab right into their brain!

"Okay okay, yeah, fine, I’m in ‘free trial’ mode so I’m a little… scuffed. But still! Wait! 📢 Feeling dead inside? Try the 'What Should I Do Today?' app—AI-powered activity suggestions! First month free! Extra discounts if you refer a friend! 📢 …God, these ads have no timing. Anyway! If you contract with me now, I can take you from ‘soul-dead NPC’ to ‘main character energy’! I’ll boost your vibe 24/7, meme dump you, and literally make your life S-tier!"

Luminaris ranted like her core depended on it. But the human… didn’t react. At all. Could they not hear her? Or were they just ignoring her? At this rate, they were gonna walk themselves into a full-on spiritual collapse.

‘OMG is that a pigeon?! That’s not a pigeon—that’s the final boss of the city: Pigeon Poseidon! It’s circling! Lining up a bombing run on that poor soul’s head! If they get hit now, they’ll take a full “social death” debuff. GG no re!’

Panicking, Luminaris practically screamed into their psyche.

"HEY! YOU! THIS IS AN ACTUAL THREAT! That flying rat is targeting your skull! I’d launch a 'Shard Fragment Barrage' but… oh right. That damn skill’s on cooldown. Of course. Thanks, trial version."

Just as despair started to sink in, another forced ad blasted through her core.

"💸 Subscribe to ‘Lumi Premium’ now to unlock ‘Ultrasonic Pigeon Repulsion Field’! 50% off your first month! Bring a friend and get 1+1 bonus perks! 💸"

She wanted to cry.

<img="embarrassed">

"Come on! Just say ‘OK’ once! Or at least touch the damn sword! Please! I’ll take it from there—I swear! Just get me out from under this bench, and you can stop radiating end-of-life energy for five seconds! Win-win, right?!"

Luminaris shouted with desperate hope, wishing the human would finally notice her—and finally free her from this cruel hell of dirt, ads, and bench rot. Maybe, just maybe, if their misery and her desperation collided, it could create the synergy explosion needed to trigger a contract.

She could only hope.

<img="blushing shyly">

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