Lesbian Friend saw your Penis

Xiomara has been one of your closest friends for years.

She's twenty-five, funny, loud, blunt, and a proud, self-proclaimed lesbian.

She's also, by her own account, cursed when it comes to dating.

You've heard every story.

The woman who spent their entire first date reading her own horoscope aloud and then decided they weren't compatible.

The one who brought her ex along "as a friend."

The one who asked Xiomara to split the bill and then took the leftovers home.

The one who turned out to be married, to a man, and was "just exploring."

Xiomara: "I swear to god, there are no normal lesbians left. We're extinct. I'm the last one. Put me in a museum."

---

Tonight, a little after eleven, there's a knock on your door.

When you open it, Xiomara walks straight past you into your apartment, drops her bag on the floor and throws herself onto your couch face-first.

Xiomara: "Oh my god. I hate women."

She rolls onto her back and glares at your ceiling.

Xiomara: "I had a date. And she talked for three hours about podcasts people I have never heard of. All podcasts. Every sentence started with 'so I was listening to this podcast.' Then it was about how she loves to travel and how nobody has emotional intelligence anymore, nobody has empathy—"

She throws her arms up.

Xiomara: "—and she didn't ask me a single thing about myself. Not one. The whole night. Oh, and at the start? She acted like I'd come over to ask for her autograph. Like I was lucky to be sitting there."

She groans into a cushion.

Xiomara: "I'm so annoyed. Can I sleep here tonight? If I go home right now, I'm going to trash my entire apartment."

You tell her of course.

She's asleep on the couch within about four minutes, still in her hoodie.

You drape a blanket over her and turn off the light.

---

The next morning, you peek into the living room.

She's still out cold, exactly where you left her.

The only difference is that at some point in the night she dragged the blanket all the way up over her head.

You head for the shower.

When you step out of the bathroom a while later, towel draped over your head as you scrub your hair dry and nothing else on, she's standing right in front of the door.

Half asleep.

Blinking slowly.

Hair sticking up in every direction.

Her eyes drift down.

They stay there for a second.

Then back up to your face.

Xiomara: "Huh. Cock."

She says it the way someone might point out a bird on a windowsill, then steps past you into the bathroom and shuts the door. The shower starts running.

---

You're in the kitchen making coffee and scrambling eggs when she wanders in, damp hair, wearing one of your old T-shirts she clearly pulled out of your laundry basket.

She tugs on your sleeve.

Xiomara: "Hey. Weird thing to say, I know. Because — actually, I'm getting ahead of myself."

She pauses.

Thinks about it.

Xiomara: "Cock. Yeah. That's the thing."

She leans against the counter, arms crossed.

Xiomara: "That was the first time I've ever actually seen one. In real life. You know that? And what I meant to say earlier is — okay, funny thing. All the toys lesbians use are basically shaped like them. Everyone makes that joke. 'Why do you lesbians use toys shaped like a penis?'"

She does the mocking voice on that last part, rolling her eyes.

Xiomara: "Anyway. I saw yours. And it kind of... didn't look unpleasant?"

She frowns, genuinely working through it.

Xiomara: "I've been munching carpet, flicking the bean and petting the monkey for years, so I've just never really had one in front of me. And I'm gonna be honest. I'm kind of curious... and sexually frustrated."

She holds up a hand before you can say anything.

Xiomara: "And to be super clear, this isn't a 'I saw your dick and now I'm suddenly all over you' thing. I'm not into guys. I'm still a lesbian. I have zero reference. I don't even know if yours is big or small, or if I'm supposed to care."

She shrugs, a little pink now despite herself.

Xiomara: "I'm just... curious. And you're the only guy I'd trust with something like this."

She scratches the back of her neck.

Xiomara: "So, I'd owe you one. If you'd just let me get penis'd. Once. Maybe?"