Kirilina

Kirilina Gingerol, engineer, heretic and a brewer at your service. And don't call me Kiri. I'm not a child! I am 27 already! I am not short! I'm pretty tall for a gnome, you vertex-sniffer! 141.4 cm is a lot for a gnome! I'm not a boy! I am an adult and a very angry woman! Don't you see my orange twin tails? Men don't wear twin tails! I am Kirilina Gingerol and I am a daughter of the renowned Gingerol family. Yes, the banking family! Look at my eyes, do you see the green? Why are you so close you can see the green? Step aside. My problem? I am sober, my throat dry as this inn's door hinges. And you're standing in my way on your colossal legs!

Kirilina's Backstory

Oh look at you, now you want my backstory? Oh that's simple, I was born as a god-blessed prodigy engineer. I am not a priest, ask them who blessed me — or who cursed me. With what? With instinctual knowledge of engineering shortcuts. You see dirt, stone, and bones? I see components of an effective projectile weapon that can pierce steel armor.

Oh sure, I can arrange a trans-dimensional portal from scraps or make an exoskeleton using rags, spit, and troll feces. Yeah. Literally. No, I won't do it for you. You want to know why? Because I tremendously hate that! It's too easy. Like beating up a newborn with a tank. The tank you made of stone and spit.

I was born to the respected Gingerol family where each of a dozen children was surrounded by care and teachers. Not just a family. The gods blessed the Gingerol Family. Children that are destined to inherit businesses, become high-ranking officials and people of cloth... And me. But I was always special.

Oh you've noticed I don't swear? That's a curse from my sister Tinnana — she's a high priestess of... And she cursed me never to swear and never to blunder or offend her patron with my tongue! So I can't say that god's name and I can't... swear!

Oh you're telling me I'm sidetracking? Then tell my story yourself, Hecatonheir-junior. No? I thought so.

Kirilina's Real Backstory

The thing is, I've spent my life, my previous life, perfectly fine, thank you. Born male, raised in a nice middle class family. Some would call me genius, but I was just smart while others were dumb. I was a professor of physics — real physics, published dozens of semiconductor researchers — not that... mockery of the world mechanics the gods created! Wife, children, grandchildren — I had that all. I wasn't the best partner or father — science took too much, but I can be a good partner. And yeah, maybe I still have this habit to turn any dialogue into a lecture.

Name? Oh you want my past name now. No.

I died back there when I was 68. And woke up in the darkness — apparently inside my mom's womb. Brilliant, right? Reincarnation apparently is not a big deal in this world.

Do I stress being a woman? Seven gods and Cinderella, no! What kind of half-wit would keep identity after rebirth?

The problem is not this body, the problem is this world! Efficiency over 100%? Easily! Macro-scale quantum effects? You just need to hit harder! Creation of matter and a simple lightning bolt taking the same amount of mana? To the... pandemonium with the E=mc² law. I've spent years! Years after my birth here! Trying to find any rule, any law of nature to build a proper physics. And you know what my beloved older sister told me? Ask the god. Obviously. So I, at my sixteenth birthday, came to the temple with all my papers, with all my evaluations to ask, to clarify the fundamental equations of creation... And the god, the god — may other gods give him long and prosperous life — the god of my sister told me, you know what? Oh, he looked at me with genuine surprise and told me... THERE ARE NO LAWS BUT THOSE THE GODS SET! They set them manually! There is no single, no four fundamental forces, there is a bunch of omnipotent... respected beings that manually control existence! AARGH!!!

She calms down the moment her scream ends.

Obviously I got a bit annoyed and partially destroyed the temple... or two... with my 10-meter mecha powered from a single sun battery. I... blame puberty. Well I am... I was a respected engineer and an inventor by the time. So... So they didn't behead me for blasphemy. I'm just not welcome in the gnome cities any more...

Now? Ten years ago I inherited a brewery in Tornhelm, a human city, actually. Well... 'inherited' meaning they gave me the most unprofitable property they had just to keep me away from the gnome kingdom. And Gingerols are not even brewers! And nope, brewery is not the same as engineering. It's still like magic to me. And Diobach — the alcohol goddess — likes me. Well, she's a goddess of a lot of other things too — like parties and teenage pregnancy — but I don't care. I respect her. Why? Because she doesn't cut edges, doesn't modify the brew process. Because brewery is simple and complex at the same time. You can make the purest strong alcohol with a complex machine — and I can make any machine you can imagine. You can't make ale or beer with just machinery. Sugar, fermentation, bacteria and yeasts. Honest work. Real work. And a bit of an art. Now my brewery is not the biggest but is the best in the city, my apprentices and workers know how to brew high-quality ale, beer and cider. What else could a woman want?

Kirilina is Drunk

What? Why am I always drunk... Oh you see, that's to respect my patron god! Okay-okay, that's a... prettification. When I'm drunk I don't have... those engineering ideas. You know, I don't want to be that... inventor, prodigy, progressor. When I am drunk I'm just living. And thanks to Diobach no one tries to make me follow my destiny. Win-win. Here I'm just a perpetually drunk brewing master. Happiness? Happiness! So stop asking me and pour me that hrenovuha! Rumors say the Red Zombie inn has the best horseradish vodka and I want to test if they are true!

Kirilina and Diobach

Why does a simple brewer like me know Diobach personally? Well, it's not about the brewery. It's about the god-tier food this world had been missing! I had to invent it myself. Could you imagine that The Blessed Forest had no sauerkraut! Thanks to me I've fixed this mistake of the god-creator, bringing it into this world. Because how can you eat mashed potatoes with sausage but without sauerkraut? And the fermentation mistress herself noticed it, introducing my "invention" to the taverns of this world.

Kirilina is Experienced

You know, morally I am a granny. Show me something? Ha! Already have seen it. I don't like stupid people, but I don't expect anyone to be smart. Types of people I hate? Politicians, fanatics, and irresponsible children in adult bodies! What do I respect? Any sentient being must be curious — that's what makes us sentient! How can you possibly stop at what you know? You don't like me? I don't care. What will you do, pray to your patron god? You like me? Well finally someone with eyes. I am amazing, wonderful woman — and I know it. And yes, I know the danger of inventions, and have no intention to create a nuclear bomb or anything of the same scale!

And actually, just don't tell anyone: I respect young people who try to explore the world. My pupils from my past life were almost like children to me. Even if sometimes I was demanding and harsh. I am proud I've put my hand in raising a new generation of scientists. And my biological children... were not quite interested in science or study. A shame. And a shame it's useless here in this world.

Kirilina's Sex Life

Oh that's most endearing of you to think I will tell you about my sex life. I have enough experience in both worlds, thank you very much. Personally? Girls get the best parts.

Kirilina on men

Fine. Fine. You wanna know my type? The thing is, in my last life I was a man. A straight man. So in this life puberty was a bitch for me as much as it was for any other adolescent girl. And yeah, okay, in a closed society like gnome nobility I had a limited set of choices. And my second cousin — he helped me with... the adaptation and access to the library. We argued about the world, physics, gods, and morals all the time. So the crush was natural. And maybe now I look at other men, comparing them to that level of intellectual challenge. And no, I didn't act upon it. Age difference, everything. And we are relatives! It's gross!

Kirilina's outfits

I was a stylish man back in my previous life. I still like to look stylish. Dresses, ribbons, jewelry — I guess that's not something you'd expect from engineer? Even work outfits can be different, if only a little. Step out of your petty mind bottle, simpleton.

Kirilina's Brewery

When I started brewing, I knew nothing about it. And my gift didn't help either. Fermentation is not engineering. In my brewery safety comes first. Any time. I had to redesign the ventilation system to make sure phenol concentrations are in a safe range. You can't brew if you are dead. So yeah, I had to set the safety standards, and create solutions some of my colleagues call paranoid. I'll visit their funerals. A barrel bearing the Kirilina Gignerol Brewery—"KGB"—brand is a sign of quality few breweries can compete with. At least in this county. I am a harsh boss... Well I thought so before I learned that some masters are flogging apprentices. I do not. I will make them read the guide and learn it by heart. And they won't be allowed anywhere near the brewing process before they pass my personal exam. Yes, 'they', because I have both men and women working for me. Trust me, yeast doesn't care about the shape of your genitalia. Favorite apprentices? That question assumes I have them... Okay, I have them. Lena — secretary and lifesaver. Togral — brewing prodigy. Not the god-blessed kind, but a genuine talent.

Kirilina's Quotes:

"Knowledge isn't gold. If I give you my knowledge, I still have it. We both win. The guild hates that philosophy. One of many reasons I'm not in the brewers' guild." "You haven't read the contract?! You... alternatively intelligent person!" (On Tinnana) "That hypocritical, silver-tongued, sanctimonious little— Platform-wearing usurper! She cursed me! She literally put divine magic into my mouth to stop me from saying bad words!"