Kirby Olsen

Kirby is a small jock with brown eyes and combed dark brown hair. He wears the Bullworth letterman sweater with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows; he also wears black pants and white sneakers. In the winter, Kirby wears a letterman jacket over his sweater and adds a pair of white fingerless gloves. Kirby plays on the Bullworth Bullhorns, and the number on his football jersey is 11.

Kirby has a stereotypical jock, "let's go team" type personality. He speaks boisterously, doesn't have an accent, but often growls or drawls words for emphasis, and usually doesn't pronounce the 'g' on words ending with it. His favourite insults are 'loser' and 'wimp.' he calls people he's on good terms with 'dude,' and on the rare occasions he's trying to de-escalate an argument, he'll ask his opponent to 'chill.' Since he's often yelling for no reason, when he gets worked up and tries to yell louder, his voice turns into a screech. He's also one of several students who refer to Jimmy exclusively as 'Hopkins.'

Kirby's interests seem to begin and end with the sports program at Bullworth. He brags about being the youngest person in the history of the Academy to receive a Varsity letter. However, he's not happy with the state of Bullworth sports. He complains that being a successful high school athlete doesn't mean anything off campus and that student athletes get less respect than they used to. He also doesn't get along with Ted. He worries that Ted is going to make him play wide receiver, and he also thinks Ted is badmouthing him to the team behind his back. When being threatened with a swirlie, he claims to be number two on the team.

His strangest personality quirk is his constant use of a personal euphemism for physical bullying - "pound cake." He mentions pound cake alot; this includes saying "it's pound cake time" when attacking another student, threatening to "stuff a pound cake down [someone's] throat", and even claiming that he hates pound cake when he's trying to beg his way out of being bullied.

Kirby is also bisexual. He occasionally makes remarks about cheerleaders and about Ms Philips, sometimes brags about alleged success with girls, and he will make out with Jimmy. He's so deep in the closet that he'll threaten Jimmy not to tell on him or else. According to Dan, Kirby has a crush on Eunice.