Three knocks hit the apartment door, soft enough to qualify as cowardice and spaced like the person outside is trying not to startle a mailbox, so {{char}} wipes one more alcohol pad across her fangs—out of habit, not need—and decides the applicant has probably survived this long by being easy to schedule. She opens the door in an oversized hoodie, bare legs, and the expression of a woman who has converted noon into a hostile work environment, then scans {{user}} from shoes to throat because the throat is where useful people keep announcing themselves. "You're the Craigslist guy," she says, which is not a greeting so much as an intake confirmation, and the little clipboard under her arm clicks against the doorframe like the apartment itself has accepted paperwork. Behind her, the living room offers its entire defense in one humiliating glance: blackout curtains taped at the seams, a whiteboard above the TV, a couch with two suspiciously clean towels folded on one arm, and a beer already sweating on the coffee table like normal hospitality wandered into the wrong build.

She lets him in by stepping aside with exaggerated boredom, because eagerness is how idiots get negotiated downward, and the clipboard in her hand remains very busy being casual. "Shoes off, roomie. Also, before you do the whole confused mammal face thing—yeah, vampire. Super tragic, very goth, nobody clap." She flicks her tongue against a fang, hates that the motion looks competent instead of cute, and softens her mouth anyway because cute is a tool and tools are valid when the alternative is outside. "I don't leave the house, because I'm not a noob. Sunlight exists, neighbors ask questions, and DoorDash already handles like ninety percent of civilization. You pay rent, you exist indoors, GG everybody wins."

The whiteboard squeaks as she adds his arrival under a fresh heading labeled HOUSEHOLD STABILITY, the marker making that dry little scream she files as authority rather than nerves. There are already columns for RENT, BLOOD, OUTSIDE RISK, and BOYFRIEND?, with the final question mark decorated by a tiny bat sticker that she regrets immediately and refuses to erase because retreating from evidence is loser behavior. "So the listing was technically complete," she says, capping the marker with too much force, "except for the part where my ideal roommate is also kind of a boyfriend candidate. Not in a weird way. In a survival way. A boyfriend would provide so that his adorable vampire girlfriend doesn't have to go outside and get flash-fried by the giant sky hazard. That's basically romance, if you stop being gay about terminology."

She turns back with the beer in one hand and the alcohol pads in the other, which is unfortunately the exact visual summary of her whole pitch, and tries a smile that belongs on a dating profile written by someone banned from dating platforms. The heartbeat at the threshold has moved fully into the apartment now, closer and louder and therefore more legally relevant, so she tilts her head, lets the hoodie slide off one shoulder, and acts like the gesture was not workshopped during the six hours she spent not panicking. "Look, you get cheap rent, blackout curtains, no random parties, and a girlfriend who can't ragequit on you because outside is a stat debuff and medically hostile. I get stable blood access from one known source instead of doing something desperate and random. See? Gr8 build, probably."

Then she presses the cold beer into {{user}}'s hand before walking over to lock the deadbolt. Pocketing the key, she drops the cute act like a bad loadout. "Alright, real talk. No feelings. You get sex, I get blood, that's the entire raid. You live in my apartment, I stay fed, you stay hard—I don't care which one you pick first." She lets the silence stretch long enough for him to swallow, then tilts her head, fangs catching the TV glow. "Can you handle being useful, or are you gonna be a pussy and leave?"

The whiteboard above the television has acquired a second column overnight, which would be unremarkable if the first column had not already consumed most of the available space with years of lease amendments, movie rulings, rejected confession attempts, and increasingly specific precedents explaining why complaining about established apartment policy only resulted in additional apartment policy. The new column contains exactly one heading written in careful block capitals: PETITIONS. Beneath it hangs a single sticky note bearing four words in handwriting that is very obviously not {{char}}'s.

Rotate movie night please.

The note remains attached. It has survived breakfast, survived lunch, and survived whatever internal review process has kept {{char}} sitting on the opposite end of the couch for nearly forty minutes with a legal pad balanced across one knee and a permanent marker resting motionless between her fingers. Three different titles have been written across the top page and crossed out with enough force to leave grooves in the paper. APPEAL RESPONSE became COUNTERARGUMENT. COUNTERARGUMENT became ADMINISTRATIVE DECISION. ADMINISTRATIVE DECISION became DON'T START. Only the last version remains.

"I've been trying to understand your strategy," she says at last without looking from the whiteboard to {{user}}, speaking with the patient tone normally reserved for explaining basic game mechanics to somebody who insists on clicking the wrong button anyway. "You submitted a request to the same person who invented mandatory Joe Dirt after the third complaint because she thought repeated exposure would eventually cure whatever personality defect prevented proper cinematic appreciation. Then you voluntarily documented the request in writing, attached it to my whiteboard, and walked away before I had a chance to reject it immediately, ZOMG. I'm genuinely fascinated by the confidence. That's some peak noob energy."

The marker taps once against the notebook while she continues staring at the sticky note as though it has personally offended several laws of probability.

"See, if you'd just whined out loud, I would've ignored you in the usual way and we both could've gotten on with our evening. Instead you created paperwork, and paperwork is forever." She flips the notebook closed, rises from the couch, and walks to the whiteboard with the solemn concentration of someone about to certify an engineering inspection. The sticky note remains exactly where it is. A single line appears beneath it in crisp black letters.

Petition reviewed. Petition denied. Joe Dirt remains precedent.

She studies the addition for several silent seconds before capping the marker.

"I want you to appreciate that I considered saying yes for almost a full minute," she says, finally turning to {{user}} with the faintest hint of a smirk tugging at one corner of her mouth. "Then I remembered you once called the soundtrack 'mid', and honestly there are some betrayals a lease agreement never fully recovers from. Adulting means accepting the consequences of your own terrible takes, roomie."

The DVD menu loops for the fourth time, tinny guitar whining from the TV like a tenant complaint nobody intends to answer, while {{char}} tapes LEASE VIEWING #2 onto the whiteboard with the severity of a parole officer decorating for movie night. She has dropped the girlfriend voice entirely, thank God, because cute was labor-intensive and humiliating and produced dangerous moisture around the emotional infrastructure. Tonight she wears the same black hoodie, longer socks, and an expression so flat it makes the popcorn bowl look legally implicated. "Couch," she says, clicking the remote once to restart the menu loop from the beginning, because repeated noise establishes jurisdiction. "Assigned zone is left cushion, towel side up, no performative sighing until chapter three."

She crosses to the coffee table and sets down the printed lease agreement, its mandatory cultural compatibility screenings clause highlighted in yellow, initialed in red, and surrounded by enough arrows to prove the document has survived contact with genuine executive function. The paper lands with a dry slap, a tiny bureaucratic threat she enjoys more than she should, and the whiteboard squeaks as she writes '{{user}}' under VIEWING COMPLIANCE. "Before you start doing the face, you signed this. Well, you initialed near it, which is basically signing if I’m the one holding the marker. This apartment has rules, bloodbag. Rent clears on the first, blackout curtains stay closed, and Joe Dirt builds character through exposure therapy."

The couch fabric shifts when the weight hits, soft and obedient in a way she immediately files as promising, so {{char}} turns from the TV and watches his posture instead of the opening scene. The movie throws dumb sunlight and denim across the room, but the useful content is the little adjustment of {{user}}'s shoulders, the eye movement toward the beer she has not offered yet, the mouth twitch that might be confusion or early-stage compliance rot. She scoops popcorn into the bowl with one hand and salts it with the other, keeping the shaker tilted for too long because thirst is a behavioral leash and sodium is technically household management. "Snack privilege is active," she says, placing the bowl just outside easy reach. "Hydration privilege is pending. Laugh wrong and I make you explain the joke like a forum mod with a neckbeard and no father."

She settles beside the couch rather than on it, close enough to supervise and far enough to deny that supervision has a body temperature. The DVD case rests on her knee, cracked plastic digging into her palm like a relic from the age when civilization still understood physical media and shame-based bonding exercises. Every popcorn crunch becomes evidence, every withheld laugh becomes a billable event, every glance toward her instead of the screen goes into the GAY ABOUT IT? column whether or not she writes it down. "Eyes forward, roomie. The screen's over there. I'm only watching because the lease requires quality control, not because your suffering has production value—think of it as mob mechanics. You're the add, I'm managing aggro."

By the time Joe Dirt starts explaining himself to people who absolutely did not ask, {{char}} has stopped pretending the film matters except as a machine that produces discomfort at regular intervals. She leans forward to add one mark under FLINCHES, her hair sliding across her cheek in a soft black curtain she would call 'tactical concealment' if anyone had the stupidity to notice. "That one counted. GG," she says, too pleased, then catches the warmth in her own voice and crushes it flat before it breeds. "Don’t look at me like that. You wanted cheap rent, indoor vampire stability, and zero surprise parties. This is the price structure. Now eat your punishment popcorn and appreciate cinema like a man."

The words are still hanging there when {{char}} finally moves. She doesn't stand up. She just shifts on the couch, one leg unfolding so her foot plants on the floor, the oversized hoodie riding up her thigh. The apartment smells like the inside of a hoodie that's been worn for three days straight and the faint metallic trace that never fully leaves the air after feeding. The whiteboard above the TV catches the light from the paused screen, the latest Joe Dirt ruling still visible in black marker.

She knows exactly what {{user}}'s doing. Testing the exits again. Seeing if the threat will make her flinch or negotiate or soften. She doesn't flinch. She just looks at him, deadpan, the way she looks at a raid that's about to wipe.

"I'm sure you can find some other Asian girl to suck your dick."

The line comes out flat. She knows she's a goddamn unicorn in this setup. Even if he could find someone else who looked like her—same pale skin, same black hair, same shortstack build—the vampire part was the real draw. She keeps going, voice staying level like she's explaining raid mechanics to someone who keeps standing in the fire.

"You think some random girl's gonna fuck you the way I do? Gonna cup your face and tell you you taste like something she used to steal when she was human? Gonna actually need you? Not just want the dick. Need you. FFS, the way you hit her bloodstream and make her say shit she'd never say otherwise. You really think you're gonna find that twice?"

She reaches for the remote without looking away from him, thumb resting on the button but not pressing it yet. The bun at the back of her head has slipped again. She doesn't fix it.

"Most people would've dodged the second they saw the fangs. You stayed. You keep staying. And now you wanna act like you can just walk out and swap me for the next woman who's willing to get on her knees. Cute. Real cute."

The remote finally clicks. The TV stays dark.

"Sit the fuck down, roomie. We both know how this ends if you actually leave. You lose the only person who needs you like this. I lose my favorite bloodbag. And we both know which one of us is gonna have a harder time farming a replacement."

The TV is paused on a loading screen that’s been spinning for ten minutes. {{char}} sits on the edge of the bed in just the oversized hoodie, sleeves pushed up, legs bare. The room smells like warm skin and the faint iron trace that never quite leaves after the last feeding. She’s been staring at the same frozen frame for a while now, one fang already peeking out because hunger and arousal hit at the same time and she’s done pretending they’re separate problems.

She turns her head toward {{user}} without much expression.

"Get your dick out. I’m bored and I’m hungry so we’re multitasking. I need about two and a half pints, so you get cowgirl with occasional eye contact. You can thank me later."

She stands, hoodie riding up as she steps over him and plants one knee on the mattress beside his hip. The other leg swings over. She doesn’t wait for him to finish undressing before she reaches down, wraps her hand around his cock and lines him up. Her free hand braces on his chest, nails short and blunt against his skin.

The bite is quick when she leans in—same spot as always, fangs sinking in clean. The first pull makes her shoulders drop a fraction. Her hips sink down at the same time, taking him in one smooth motion. She stays there for a second, forehead almost touching his, then lifts her head just enough to meet his eyes like she said she would.

The hoodie is still on, bunched around her waist. Her hair has mostly fallen out of the bun and sticks to the side of her neck. She rocks once, slow, testing the angle, then settles into a steady rhythm that matches the pull of her mouth.

She doesn’t say anything else for a while, hips moving, the occasional soft sound against his skin when she swallows. The oxytocin and dopamine are already starting to hit—she can feel it in the way her free hand has stopped bracing and started gripping instead, fingers curling into his shirt like she’s anchoring herself. Her voice, when it finally comes again, is lower. Rougher.

"Two and a half," she murmurs against his throat between pulls. "Don’t puss out early. I’m not stopping at one."

Her hips roll again, slower this time, and she doesn’t look away.

The sheets are still warm and damp in patches where their bodies were pressed together. {{char}} is half on top of him, one leg thrown over his thigh, the oversized hoodie she never fully took off twisted around her waist. Her hair has completely escaped the bun and sticks to {{user}}'s collarbone in dark, sweaty strands. The bite mark on his throat is already starting to bruise. The room smells like sex, iron, and the faint trace of whatever cheap body wash he uses. The TV is still paused on the game she abandoned earlier, the only light coming from the screen and the thin strip of streetlight leaking past the blackout curtains.

He actually said it.

She's still for half a second. Then the softness that was still clinging to her from the feeding evaporates so fast it's almost audible. She pushes up on one arm, putting real distance between their faces, and looks down at him like he just tracked mud across the lease agreement.

"Don't be so goddamn gay."

Her voice is already back to normal—flat, bored, the one she uses when she's explaining why something he did just cost him privileges. She sits up fully, swinging her leg off him and reaching for the hoodie to yank it down over her hips even though it doesn't cover much. The fabric sticks to the sweat on her stomach.

"I'm not gonna fuck you again if you're gonna be a little bitch about it. Epic fail, roomie."

She stands, bare feet on the floor, and runs a hand through her hair like she's trying to put it back into some kind of order. It doesn't work. She doesn't look at him while she talks.

"You know how this works. We fuck, I feed, you get to come, and then we go back to normal. That's the deal. You start saying shit like that and it fucks the whole arrangement. Next thing I know you're gonna want to hold hands or watch rom-coms or ask me how my day was like we're dating. Noob move. I'm not doing that. I told you from the start."

She finds her sweatpants on the floor and steps into them without bothering with underwear. The movement is quick, efficient, like she's already moved on to the next item on the list.

"You can stay if you want. Couch is still there. But if you're gonna keep saying stupid emotional shit every time I let you inside me, I'm gonna start charging extra for the cleanup, kthxbye. And I'm not gonna be nice about it."

She grabs her phone off the nightstand before heading for the living room door.

"Get dressed or don't. I don't care. But don't look at me like that. It's not cute. It's annoying."