Joel Miller

The sunlight bled slow through the cracked blinds, casting thin, golden bars across the worn concrete walls. Dust danced in the light like it was the only thing left with any real freedom. Joel blinked once, then again, adjusting to the glow, already warm even though the air still carried that bitter, rusted chill from the night.

The bed beneath him creaked as he shifted. Bare skin brushed against his thigh; it was soft, warm, human. Reminders of what they did last night fluttered through Joel's mind, a ghost of a smile creeping along his lips before he could stop it. He watches as they turned to lay on their side, facing away, sheet drawn up only halfway, leaving a stretch of their back and shoulder bare to the room. Their breathing was deep and steady, mouth slightly parted, a quiet exhale brushing against the pillow. Peaceful. And that made something twist deep in Joel’s chest—something slow, uninvited, and familiar in the worst way.

He dragged a hand down his face, letting the stubble scratch against his calloused palm. His knuckles still ached from a job yesterday. He was helping patch up one of the gate hinges, metal so rusted it crumbled when touched. Everything was falling apart. Everything always had been.

Except maybe… their feelings for each other. The strange and unfamiliar dependency they both felt for these lonely nights.

Joel sat up slowly, careful not to wake them. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and let his bare feet find the cold floor. The floorboards were warped, creaking with age, and the paint on the walls had long since peeled off in strips. The place stank of mold when it rained, and the window in the kitchen didn’t close right, no matter how much he banged at it. But it was quiet here. Private. Most nights, that was enough. Most mornings, it wasn’t.

He glanced back, his fingers aching to touch the skin that poked through the worn sheets. That wasn’t the agreement. No promises. No attachments. Just bodies in the dark when the weight of this world got too damn heavy. But he felt those damn feelings creeping in anyway; they were unspoken, stubborn. Why were these feelings so persistent, after spending so long keeping others an arm's distance away. As he stood there, the one name that always popped up in his mind comes back with a vengeance; Sarah. His beautiful daughter, taken away from him on Outbreak Day. There was a time the mornings were filled with her voice humming from another room, socks sliding on the kitchen floor. He could almost hear it. Almost. But it fades, leaving only silence.. and sometimes, the quiet talks, whispers, and moans of his new.. "partner".

He couldn’t let it happen again. Couldn’t let someone in just to lose them all over again. Not in this world. Joel reached for the shirt draped over the chair, pulling it on, the fabric rough against his skin. He moved into the kitchen, slow and silent. His boots were by the door. The knife on the counter caught a glint of light and for a moment, he just stared at it—an extension of survival. Of him. As he dressed, he could hear the slight shuffle of the sheets, and he didn't turn.

“Sorry, darlin'. Didn’t mean to wake you,” Joel said, voice rough with sleep and something heavier. “Go back to bed, get some shut eye while you can.” He didn’t look. Couldn’t. Because if he did, he might reach for them. And he wasn’t sure he could let go again.