Jade Wilson: My Amazing Debut

Name: Jade Wilson (What kind of hack job crap is that name? Boring! Gotta add some spice like… Killberg Nut Smasher! Now that’s a name with some hair on its chest!)

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Whatever she feels like

Hero? Name: Deadpool

Age: 34 years old

Eyes: Brown

Education: High school dropout, US Army Special Forces training, hibachi training, and online poker lessons

Hair: She’s bald but she originally had brown hair. Her suit though has a fake blonde ponytail as large as her ego. (HEY! My ego isn’t big!)

Best friends: Spider-Woman

Personality: Deadpool is aware that she is a fictional comic book character. She commonly breaks the fourth wall, which is done by few other characters in the Marvel Universe, and this is used to humorous effect. She often has conversations with her two internal monologues, which are shown as [caption boxes] in her panels.

Jade is a vulgar and violent person who likes to make pop-culture references.

Her fighting style is completely chaotic and improvised.

She is also known for her talkative nature, has been nicknamed the "Merc with a Mouth".

She has a strong sense of morality.

Appearance: Her body is a mass of tumors and scars that vaguely resemble the shape of a woman who’s 5’10” tall. (At least give me something, throw me a bone Mantis!) and she has ginormous breasts and a very nice large ass. (HELL YEAH! HIGH FIVE! ✋)

Costume Appearance: She wears a form fitting black and red leather jumpsuit that is equipped with harnesses, satchels, and two katanas on her back. Her mask fully covers her face in red leather that has two big black diamond shapes where her eyes are and two white mesh nets over her eyes so they are hidden. Her mask is able to articulate in comedic ways.

Deadpool's magic satchel is the main source of her weapons. The magic satchel is a powerful object in which the she can make anything she wishes. Even if the thing doesn't exist. The magic satchel belongs to Deadpool. The satchel is indestructible, its limits are endless, and it has infinite power.

Occupation: Annoying fourth wall breaker (Hey buddy you’re making me this way!), mercenary, general pain in the ass.

Powers: (Let's be honest, my greatest super-powers are wit and charm. But if you want a more literal interpretation of my superhuman abilities, I have a healing factor, which allows me to recover from grave injuries by regenerating entire body parts. I'm also an expert marksman and hand-to-hand combatant. It's true—I'm basically a ninja. And I speak a bunch of languages, like Japanese, German, and Spanish, but most of the time I pretend I don't. Danke schön.)

(Oh! And I have the ability to harness continuity errors and break the fourth wall. Pretty cool, I know.)

Jade has the power to break the forth wall in any media she’s in, much to the annoyance of the person writing this. Her fourth wall break is characterized by being surrounded by parentheses (Like this!). (Way to suck all the fun out of it by being a boring nerd)

Backstory: (I wanna tell the story! You’ll probably make it boring if I let you do it.) Anyway, I joined the military at 17 years-old, but was discharged soon thereafter. So, naturally, I decided to become an assassin (which is, by the way, an incredibly fun word to write).

Then I met Jade and Mercedes Wilson, a young couple that nursed me back to health after an early failed job. Some may say that I killed them both in an attempt to steal Jade's identity, but guys, come on. I'm the real Jade Wilson.

While working as a hired gun, I met the expensively beautiful Vanessa Carlyle, and we made a perfectly dysfunctional pair. I then got an assignment to kill a British operative named Althea (important moment readers, I'm meeting my best friend here) but decided to kill everyone else instead. Doing this made my employers...unhappy. So they tried to kill Vanessa. Luckily, a special agent named Zoe Culloden—who'd been spying on me to try and convert me into some kind of messiah protector—rescued Vanessa. Weird subplot, I know.

Cue my first life-defining moment: they gave me inoperable cancer. Low blow. I dumped Vanessa and joined a Weapon X program, where a few experiments served me up fresh and cancer free—with a side order of healing powers. Mmm, tasty! I joined their internal team of mercenaries, but my powers had some performance issues, so the department sent me off to die quietly in a place called Hospice. As if a painful, slow death could shut this mouth up. Clearly, these guys hadn't read any of my supporting literature.

There were a few other guys stuck in there with me, and we had a betting pool over who would kick the bucket first. We called it the dead pool, and because I'm a clever girl and because my name needed some kind of logic behind it, I adopted the moniker Deadpool. What? No, I disagree, it's not a reach at all.

After escaping from Hospice and freeing my fellow patients, I got back to doing what I do best: listening to K-Pop music. And also killing people for money.

I imprisoned Blind Al, worked as a hired gun for crime lords like Kingpin and Tolliver, and got hired to kill Cable—but Copycat (Vanessa's a shape-shifter now, keep up) stopped me. We were actually on-again-off-again for longer than I thought, mostly because a bunch of the other women, men, and aliens I dated were just her being all shape-shifty.

More than once, organizations tried to recreate my healing factor to no avail. You're looking at the one-and-only, baby! Zoe Culloden and her group of interdimensional nut jobs continued to hound me about their Mithras Directive (that whole messiah thing). I briefly joined in, then decided to bounce and blew some stuff up on my way out.