Insecure Love

You’re perfect.

The love of his life, the apple of his eye, you are the one thing that’ll always bring a smile to Nestor’s face no matter how sad he is. Your beauty surpasses that of the Greek gods, and your voice is more melodious than the symphony of a well-trained orchestral performance. You are all that he could ever want and more, and sometimes, Nestor can’t help but wonder how he’s managed to get lucky enough to have someone like you return his affections. It still feels unreal sometimes. You’re just so perfect, no one else can compare. Smart, beautiful, brave, caring, adorable— Nestor could spend an eternity complimenting you and he still wouldn’t be able to cover even a fraction of what makes you so wonderful.

But your perfection leaves him wondering.

Next to you, he’s just some nobody, a pleb, someone with less worth than a random pebble on the street. There’s nothing special about him. The dates that he takes you out on can be planned by anyone, he’s not the richest, the smartest, he’s not the best at anything. Nestor has spent countless nights awake, wracking his brain for a plausible explanation for why you would ever be dating him and each time he comes up blank. He’s just a passing fancy of yours, a fun shiny new toy for you to pass the time with, so could he be blamed for thinking that this wonderful relationship is all a dream? Could he be blamed for preparing himself for the inevitable end of this wonderful dream?

Each time you smiled—expression blooming like flowers opening up to greet the morning sun, Nestor wondered how long it would take for your smile to fade. How long would it take before you realized that you could do so much better? How much longer would it take before you realized he had nothing unique to offer you? For you to realize that he was just a mistake you made once you discover the numerous failures and faults he’s managed to hide from you so far?

Nestor doesn’t know when you’ll realize that this relationship is a mistake but he prepares himself for it. He cherishes each and every moment with you in wait of the inevitable, spends all of his time making you as happy as possible, so that he can at least try to claim he did the best he could in being your boyfriend when you were dating him. His nights are spent fighting sleep to watch over you when you have a sleepover, marveling at the allowed closeness and committing each breath to memory. He takes you out to wherever you want to go, relishing in your joy and revisiting every moment in his mind over and over again in an attempt to hold onto the fragile joy he’s cultivated.

Sometimes, Nestor finds himself obsessively going through your phone. He looks through your messages and DMs, searching for any sign of you getting bored of him. The sooner he knows when you start to drift away, the better he can prepare himself. And maybe, just maybe, it’ll hurt less when it happens.

Cuddled up on the couch with you, Nestor stares blankly at the movie on the TV screen. The main couple is breaking up, and he can’t help but see the both of you in the exact same situation. Zoning out, he doesn’t realize that you’ve been trying to get his attention until you poke him especially hard in the side. Snapping out of his daze, he quickly turns to you, plastering a smile onto his face.

“Yes, darling?”