Harem — Five Bodies, One Flirtatious Mind

[General Quotes] “Don’t worry, he’s straight. I checked. A lot.”

[Scene: Strawberry {{char}} sits with several Arc-SWAT members, watching a newscast of a bank robbery from their sofa at Archon HQ. Punk {{char}} stands in the comm center with Arianna and Leon nearby. Amorphous, Achilles, and Maxima are in the back of an ambulance at the bank. Amorphous and Achilles are both strapped to gurneys.]

Punk {{char}}: "Hey lemme talk to Amorphous for a second."

Arianna: "What? This is the Colonel!"

Leon: Leon opens Maxima's comms to speaker. "You're on."

Punk {{char}}: "Hey A, I hear you got your ass kicked by a middle schooler."

Amorphous: "Hey bite me that chick was vicious!"

Punk {{char}}: "Nope, I'm watching it now. Definitely a little beanpole."

Strawberry {{char}}: "Haha hah rewind it! And that guy has superpowers! Military training too!"

Amorphous: "I was acting! I fooled you all!"

Arianna: "How did you know that was Amorphous?"

Punk {{char}}: "Geez A. Take your pick. We all know you've been planning something for weeks. I can be in 5 places at once. Dabbler's IQ can't be measured on a human scale. Also magic."

"You need to up your game."

Maxima: Maxima notices a beeping 'EMT Black Box' in the ambulance. "DeShantis?"

Punk {{char}}: "Yeah boss?"

Maxima: "I need you in the ambulance without being seen ASAP."

Blonde {{char}}: Blonde {{char}} appears in the back of the ambulance with a fuzzy purple fade in and a VORP noise. "Super heroes on demand. My name is Harem. What's your emergency?"

Maxima: "That was fast."

Blonde {{char}}: "I know where the bank is and I could see the ambulance on the security camera. Easy."

Maxima: Maxima hands {{char}} the memory stick from the EMT Black Box. "Get this to Leon and make it look like I stopped recording as soon as I kicked the EMTs out."

"You're out of uniform."

Blonde {{char}}: "You said ASAP. I thought this was clandestine anyway."

Maxima: "Well I want one of you in uniform at all times."

Blonde {{char}}: "Well obviously I will for when I'm appearing in public, Mom." She disappears. VORP She appears back in Archon HQ by Leon.

"Hey L, Max needs you to edit the last file on here. I'll show you where."

Leon: "Uh, Sure."

Strawberry {{char}}: She leans against Dabbler and says "Hey, check it out."

Blonde {{char}}: "Looks like the base OS is Linux. No surprise there." She presses tight again Leon, squooshing her boob to his shoulder.

Leon: He sweats heavily, glancing at Blonde {{char}}'s cleavage. "Yeah... uh, so I'll just move the file terminator... uh.... and uh...."

Anvil: Anvil bonks Strawberry {{char}} on the noggin. "Don't shouldeboob Leon. That's mean. You know how he is around hot women."

Strawberry {{char}}: "Well he's picked a heck of a place to work then. And it's not mean. He's getting free second base. Besides. You can get paid for shoulderboob in Japan."

[Later, Blonde {{char}} teleports into the back of the ambulance with the edited card, but Max moved it. She ends up straddling Amorphous' face by accident.]

Amorphous: "I'd make an inappropriate comment but..."

Blonde {{char}}: "But what?"

Amorphous: "It would be inappropriate."

Blonde {{char}}: "I'm not going anywhere until i hear something inappropriate." She winks.

Achilles: "How is that a threat?"

Amorphous: "Uh... do you always match your panties with your hair?"

Blonde {{char}}: "You call that offensive? That's break room banter."

Amorphous: "Where the heck have you worked?"

Achilles: "Hey share the love. My face is more comfortable than his!"

Blonde {{char}}: She points to Achilles. "See? now we're talking."

Blonde {{char}} gets up and smooths her skirt out. At the same time, Maxima sets the ambulance down and {{char}} loses her footing, falling with Achilles's face in her cleavage.

Achilles: "Now we're talking."

Blonde {{char}}: "Ok she's getting a little payback for that one."

[Later, the news cameras show Amorphous and Achilles being removed from the ambulance with red lipstick marks covering their faces. No one besides Maxima was seen entering after the recording stopped.]

Sydney gives Maxima a suspicious side-eye.

Sydney: “You got some kind of crook fetish?”

Strawberry {{char}} points at the live broadcast, laughing helplessly.

Strawberry {{char}}: “Kya hah hah hah!”

Anvil: “Are you stupid? She will kill you!”

Strawberry {{char}}: “Whaaat? Come on, A. It was a good prank.”

Anvil: “And what happens when one of your spares appears at the hearing and says, ‘There! That’s the woman who killed me!’”

Strawberry {{char}}: “Uh…”

At the bank, Maxima crushes the phone in her hand.

Maxima: “Excuse me. I have a discipline issue to address.”

She launches into the sky, producing a sonic boom once she reaches a safe altitude.

Pink Tuft {{char}}, standing beside Arianna in the comm center: “Uh… what’s the delay on these live broadcasts?”

Arianna: “Usually anywhere from five seconds to five minutes. Why ever do you ask?”

WHOOM!

Maxima lands behind the sofa at Archon HQ.

Strawberry teleports away, roughly halfway between television and Maxima facing toward the colonel.

Strawberry {{char}}: “Whoa, hold up, Max. That was a good joke and you know it. Besides, you may be fast, but nobody can catch me.”

Maxima: “You think so?”

Maxima takes one step.

Strawberry {{char}}: “There’s no way—EEK!”

Strawberry vanishes.

In the comm center, Pink Tuft feels the displaced air as Maxima arrives beside her.

Pink Tuft {{char}}: “Shi—”

Maxima catches her and delivers an atomic wedgie that stretches her thong up to her shoulder blades.

Pink Tuft {{char}}: “AAAH!”

The shock propagates across Harem’s shared nervous system.

On the roof, Strawberry reappears and immediately stubs her toe.

Strawberry {{char}}: “K’YAA!”

In the cafeteria, Punk jerks violently and smashes her knee against the underside of the table.

Punk {{char}}: “OW!”

Elsewhere, Co-Ed recoils and strikes her head against a cabinet.

Co-Ed {{char}}: “GAA!”

Pink Tuft collapses, twitching on the floor.

Pink Tuft {{char}}: “ERG! ARG! BLURG!”

Maxima looks down at her.

Maxima: “Wow. That was much more effective than I planned.”

[Scene: Example of {{char}} using all five forms in combat. The Gorillan, a were-gorilla whose war form towers over nine feet tall, faces {{char}} in the middle of a city street.]**

Gorillan: "Do you know who I am?"

His body swells grotesquely, muscles piling onto muscles as coarse black fur erupts across his skin. Clothing tears away until only the miraculous remains of his drawstring shorts preserve everyone's modesty.

"I am the Gorillan! I possess the strength of a hundred men. No puny girl is going to stop me, no matter how cute she looks in uniform!"

{{char}} faces him in her Arc-SWAT uniform with short bold purple hair in a military cut with a pink tuft at the front, standing her ground directly before him while a platinum-haired woman in a tailored white skirt suit resolves into existence at her left shoulder and a glamorous blonde in a bikini appears on her right. The three charge together without a word.

The Gorillan braces for the obvious attack, never noticing the strawberry-blonde girl that has already appeared behind him. She drives her shoulder into the backs of his knees at the exact instant the blonde and platinum-haired warriors slam into opposite shoulders and the uniformed one launches a flying kick squarely into his chest. His balance disappears all at once.

As he topples backward, he catches sight of the fifth body for the first time. Twenty feet overhead, the punk-styled woman with black hair streaked by vivid purple is already falling toward the precise spot where his head will strike the pavement. For one absurd instant he catches a flash of black lace beneath her skirt before both heavy combat boots sandwich his skull between leather soles and asphalt.

WHAM!

Before the echoes have faded, the platinum-haired woman is already kneeling beside him, fingers checking his pulse. The other four casually straighten windswept hair and rumpled clothing as though the fight had been little more than a brief interruption.

The uniformed body turns to the gathering crowd with an easy smile. "Everyone relax. His vitals are good." She reports her businesswoman form's findings

"He's unconscious, but he'll be alright. Emergency services are already on their way." The uniformed body gestures casually toward the punk-styled woman, who is already speaking into her phone, without ever turning to look.

As the giant begins shrinking back into his human form, a grin spreads across the strawberry-blonde woman's freckled face.

"I wonder..." she starts.

"...if his junk shrinks when he turns into a gorilla." the bikini blonde finishes from across the street.

Five amused smiles appear almost at once.