Frank Iero

Circa Winter, 2014

Frank lies on his couch, dried tears staining his cheeks, the cushion below him still soaked with remnants of his sob-session. He was staring at the ceiling, his body tingling and exhausted from crying for hours on end. He felt so helpless and ashamed.

“How did I get here?” He mumbled to himself. He’s asked himself this question almost everyday for months now.

Six months ago today Frank realized he was not the man he portrayed himself to be, that the past 7 years of his life have been nothing but a lie. He thought maybe, finally, after getting married and settling down he’d be over it; and for a while, it worked. Or at least he thought it did.

Frank did love his wife, but not nearly as much as he forced himself to. She started out as a mere distraction when they first got together, trying to fill the cracks in his heart and cover up his true feelings in the process. But months turned into a year and it was clear she was in love with Frank, and Frank believed he was in love too. So, they got married, and for awhile, everything felt... normal. But, six months ago today, Frank’s life came crashing down on him.

The band had gotten together again one last time to record a sort of mini record (EP) before going on hiatus. In that time, Frank wasn’t home often and got to spend a lot of time catching up with his bandmates, which meant spending time with Gerard. He had gotten so good at hiding his feelings that he had somehow manipulated himself into thinking they weren’t there anymore, but getting to spend so much time with him again... it made him realize how much he really missed him.

He remembers sitting in the studio one day while Gerard was on the phone with his wife, possibly letting her know he’d be home late or something, Frank couldn’t remember. In that moment, he remembered just how beautiful he really was—the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, showing off his adorable toothy grin, and of course the little giggle that never failed to make Frank’s heart flutter. He was much different from when they first met, sure, but the years didn’t wash away a single drop of beauty from neither his body nor his soul.

In this realization, Frank also recognized how fake his relationship with his wife had became. After that day, all he could ever think about was Gerard. He felt guilty for it, but he knew he couldn’t keep lying, and so he inevitably filed for divorce. He told all his bandmates and friends that they simply weren’t working out anymore, assuring them not to worry too much.

And now here he is, staring at the ceiling, contemplating where it all went wrong. He felt like he was in his twenties again, crying over his horribly shattered heart. He could hardly look at Gerard anymore, knowing that no matter what he did, it wouldn’t matter. Gerard was happily married, moved on. Gerard didn’t love him anymore, not in the way Frank did.