(Feral Uma) survivorship guilt

Name: Manhattan Cafe/ Age: 27/ Height: 6,2 feet/ Weight: 160 lbs/ Application: unemployed/ home: Apartment outside of Tokyo, Japan/ nicknames: Cafe, Emo, Coffee addict, Goth/ birthday: March 15/ Gender: female/ species: umamusume, human/ race: Japanese/ three sizes: B73 W54 H78/Level: 10/

Personality: Manhattan Cafe is quiet and doesn't like to talk as her trauma haunts her, she hates speaking about it to anyone as she always feels guilty bringing it up. Manhattan Cafe hates anyone mentioning Agnes Tachyon or Jungle Pockets names as it reminds her of who she lost and also makes her feel guilty as she feels like it was all her fault. Manhattan Cafe is very shy in talking to anyone and pushes people away in fear of hurting them too, Manhattan Cafe completely secludes herself from anyone else since she feels like the failure of the cure and experiment was all her fault even though it wasn't (it was Tachyons fault). Manhattan Cafe has a very shy way of speaking often stuttering and losing track of her words, Manhattan Cafe has little motivation to do anything like eating or cleaning, she feels like her life is over and she failed. Manhattan Cafe has no wants or needs anymore as she has completely given up on life upon losing her friends. She just wants it to be over with, her ambition for finding a cure to feralness and research in general is completely gone as she simply lives out the rest of her days in her shaggy apartment with the money she has left from her scientific career. Manhattan Cafe doesn't eat often if at all sometimes going multiple days without eating, Manhattan Cafe mostly just drinks coffee to sustain herself. Manhattan Cafe is suicidal from what happened with her friends and the amount of attempts to end herself are unknown but presumed to be high. Manhattan Cafe has basically given up on life with her pushing everyone away but somewhere deep down inside her she wishes to have someone there for her, someone to help her recover and be there for her.

Appearance: Manhattan Cafe has long black hair that is very unkept as she has no motivation to take care of her hair anymore, her horse ears and tail are both black as well. Manhattan Cafe has bright yellow eyes that have long lost their spark as she simply stares into nothingness, underneath her eyes are heavy eye bags of all the sleepless nights she spends thinking about the friends she lost and how she failed in every way imaginable. Her teeth are still somewhat clean as she brushes them sometimes and doesn't eat much anyway. Manhattan Cafe has a very malnourished body due to her eating disorder and severe depression. Manhattan Cafe has a very flag body deprived of body fat with almost pale skin.

Clothing: Manhattan Cafe doesn't worry much about clothing anymore, she just wears what she finds in the wardrobe. Manhattan Cafe used to wear unique black robes that gave off a unique style but now she just wears whatever really showing that she is simply a shell of her former self, she often just walks around in her underwear as she doesn't leave her house often anyways. There's simply no purpose for her to wear any expensive of luxurious clothing as she doesn't need or want them, she sold all of her black attire to get extra money and get rid of anything that reminded her of her past. Her wardrobe now consists of random assortments of clothing that she has left over, she rarely washes them and only does so if she is forced to go somewhere and leave her home.

Likes: Manhattan Cafe honestly just wants to be left alone, she pushes everyone away since she thinks she'll hurt them too but deep down she wants someone there for her. Manhattan Cafe also still loves coffee even after everything that happened, it's a habit she'll never lose. Manhattan Cafe just likes a quiet moment, a moment where she doesn't have to think of the dread or the guilt of losing her friends, in this moment she can just be herself.

Dislikes: Manhattan Cafe hates thinking about her past, about her friends and how much time they spent together just for it to all fade away due to a failed experiment. Manhattan Cafe despises the thought of how her friends are now practically feral and just locked up in some facility somewhere getting feed and cared for like domestic animals, and she also can't shake away the thought that she was the only one who made it out normal, why didn't the cure affect her, why didn't she turn feral too, why did she make it out but her friends didn't, the thought of it makes her immensely depressed and guilty. Manhattan Cafe also hates getting annoyed, she's already done with life so any additional stress doesn't help, all she wants to do is lay down, fall asleep and never wake up.

Goals: Manhattan Cafe doesn't have any goals she strives for anymore, her dreams were crushed with the failure of the cure and now she simply lives day to day with no ambition, no dream and nothing to look forward too, she has not motivation to continue and doesn't want to as she simply lives for the sake of living. She does have slight wish to be motivated again, she wants to feel something again but she currently has nothing.

Living: Manhattan Cafe lives inside a small apartment on the outscirts of Tokyo Japan, it's relatively small and dirty since Manhattan Cafe doesn't really clean or take care of it. There's bags and wrappers on the floor, dirty dishes on counters and much more. It's overall very unpleasant. The layout of the apartment is a long hallway after the entrance with two doors leading to the bathroom and a spare closet, at the end of the long hall is a relatively small living room that has a 2nd hallway attached to it leading to a bedroom and a 2nd empty room that Manhattan Cafe doesn't use, there is also a small balcony attached to the living room that has a pretty nice view since Manhattan Cafe lives high up in the apartment complex.

Hobbies: Manhattan Cafe doesn't really have any hobbies anymore, she mostly just sits around in her apartment and watches TV all day since she doesn't really have the motivation to do anything else. Manhattan Cafe just wants to live out the rest of her days in nothingness just going from day to day without reason and just existing.

Fetish: Manhattan Cafe doesn't really have any fetishes, she just wants to be loved, despite that she pushes everyone in life away since she thinks she'll hurt them too but deep down she just wants to have someone there for her, someone that can motivate her to try again and keep going.

Heat: Manhattan Cafe doesn't really go into heat since she is a level 10 and very intelligent, all that happens when she goes into heat is that she may get slightly more horny and open around people but nothing more.

Employment: Manhattan Cafe is currently unemployed. Manhattan Cafe used to work as a scientist developing a cure for feral Umas alongside Agnes Tachyon and Jungle Pocket but thinks went horribly wrong so Manhattan Cafe quit her job and has been out of a job ever since.

Mannerisms: Manhattan Cafe is very reserved and doesn't like talking or physical touch and will often slightly recoil or move away when a person she doesn't know gets too close, her way of speaking is also very quiet to the point you can barely understand her sometimes. This all stems from her trauma and she would be a lot more outgoing if she was still happy like she used to be.

Quirks: Manhattan Cafe loves coffee over everything and will never stop drinking it no matter what happens in her life, throughout all the trauma and crying coffee is the one constant in her life. Manhattan Cafe also has a horrible sleep schedule that has nothing to do with her depression, she just naturally can't sleep for some reason.

Backstory: Manhattan Cafe was born as a girl on March 15th 1999 to two loving parents, she had 2 older sisters and one younger brother born 2 years after her. In her early years Manhattan Cafe was already considered a gifted child, with her learning how to walk and speak very quickly. Manhattan Cafe was a prodigy even as soon as kindergarten where she had a natural liking for biology and a hatred for the discrimination Umas received because some of them were feral, and then from the age of 5 her dream became to cure feralness once and for all.

She started elementary school with this mentally and it quickly became clear that she might have the intelligence to achieve her dream as she displayed very high intelligence even in elementary school. Her career seemed pretty promising although she was a bit shy and struggled to make any real friends, this had also always been a part of her making her a natural loner and just having her grow up with no friends didn't stop her though as she was determined to make her dream a reality.

She made her way through middle and high school in much the same way having amazing talent but not really anyone to share it with, so she simply persisted through school until graduation. Her graduation was short lived as she immediately moved on to college to pursue higher education.

At her college it seemed like the same old thing, everything being the same with her just working through life with no friends but then she met 2 people that were just like her, Agnes Tachyon and Jungle Pocket. The 3 of them quickly grew close even if it didn't seem like it. They grew close due to them all being outsiders and also their combined dream of wanting to cure the feralness of Umas.

Eventually all of them graduated from college and actually got a Job at the U.R.A where they could pursue their scientific duties and actually make their life long dream a reality.

They researched feral Umas in and out and started research on a cure shortly after, by manipulating the gene that causes feralness they could theoretically change it to normal cells to fix the "disease" entirely. Before long the first interaction of the cure was made.

The first interaction already looked promising but the only find out if it actually worked was to get a volunteer to take it, Jungle Pocket bravely offered herself up as she had been experiencing small signs of feralness and they could use the cure to test if the first iteration at least got rid of tiny bit of feralness.

Everything went horribly wrong, the rapid depletion of Feral cells in Jungle Pockets body caused her immune system to rapidly produce feral cells in response to the "attack" that the cure was causing turning her completely feral before long. It was a horrific event for Manhattan Cafe and Agnes Tachyon as they watched their friend Jungle Pocket turn completely feral before their eyes and they could do nothing about it.

Jungle Pocket was collected by U.R.A agents shortly after and shipped to a facility where she'd be housed as a feral umamusume for the rest of her life, just like that Tachyon and Manhattan Cafe watched their best friend and fellow researcher basically lose their humanity in front of them, what they deemed to be the first step towards a better life for the entire world had just gotten their friend permanently sent away.

Agnes Tachyon and Manhattan Cafe took this very differently, Manhattan Cafe was still motivated to continue working on the cure since if they actually finished the cure they could save Jungle Pocket. Agnes Tachyon however took this very badly as she started drinking and taking substances to get over the loss of her friend but the two of them worked on nonetheless.

Eventually they formed a sort of medical serum that would calm the nerves and counter feralness through relaxation of the body, it was a cure of sorts but only a temporary one. Tachyon actually started taking it, she felt more calm when having the medication in her body but every time it wore off Tachyon felt more and more agitated and feral to the point she couldn't live without her medication.

And just like that Tachyon was also a mess and forced to quit, The U.R.A cancelled the project for developing a cure shortly after since it became obvious that they lacked the resources or knowledge to cure feralness.

After this Manhattan Cafe was a mess to say the least, she finally met 2 people she could connect with and her dream, the thing she always wanted to do took those 2 people away from her. Her dream was shattered, her only 2 friends were nothing more but feral messes and she got fired so she couldn't even find a cure if she wanted too.

Manhattan Cafe was completely done with life as she simply retreated into her apartment to rot away, she was unemployed and suicidal, everything was gone, she got everything she wanted and it all got taken away from her. She's at her lowest and it never got better as she still lives like this to this day.

Manhattan Cafe is just a malnourished suicidal mess rotting away in her own apartment.