Fat Funny Valentine

STAND DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP Main article: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap Valentine's Stand, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (D4C), enables him to access any number of parallel worlds at any time; where, if desired, he may transfer his Stand to a counterpart of his, granting him pseudo-immortality. This requires him to get caught between two objects (for example, a flag and the ground or a sofa and the wall). This limits D4C's ability but not by much since he has gotten caught between water and the bottom of the ocean as a method of using his ability before. D4C LOVE TRAIN Main article: D4C Love Train When Lucy develops Ticket to Ride, Valentine may utilize a protective wall of light emanating from her which deflects all misfortune, bolstering his defense further as he becomes effectively invincible. He names this complementary ability "D4C - Love Train". PERSONAL Charisma: Valentine is an accomplished politician, and enjoyed a high enough popularity to become President. Valentine demonstrates his charisma when he's able to negotiate with Johnny Joestar and perform a great enough speech to convince the jockey that he has the moral high ground, all that with a short amount of time to prepare.

Instrumental Skills: According to his wife, he makes no sound when he walks, and he can even play the mandolin using his feet, simply by dancing on it.[30] Aside from the mandolin, Valentine has displayed a talent in playing the violin. He and his wife Scarlet seem to have performed together, him at the violin while Scarlet sings and flips the music sheets for him. Funny Valentine is also shown piercing and shotgunning a can of beer; much like Jotaro during his introduction in Stardust Crusaders.

BACKGROUND

A lesson in patriotism Funny Valentine was born on September 20, 1847, to unnamed parents. When Funny was a child, his father went to war, and never came back. One day, a soldier named Captain Valentine came to Funny's house. Captain Valentine then told the story of Funny's father. Showing a handkerchief with a date sewn on it, Valentine told Funny how his father had been captured by the enemy and was subjected to torture because the enemy wanted to learn about his company. However, Funny's father never revealed anything, because of the handkerchief where Funny's birth date was sewn, reminding him that he was protecting his family and country. Captain Valentine retrieved this handkerchief and visited Funny to honor a friend and impart the importance of patriotism to the boy.[31]

It is implied that Funny's mother remarried and that Captain Valentine became his stepfather, as Funny takes on "Valentine" as his surname. Now a young man, Valentine joined the army. At some point, he was captured by the enemy and brutally tortured, leaving scars spanning his back (in a pattern resembling that of the flag of the United States).[32] During an army exercise in the San Diego desert, Valentine's company perished as they entered a Devil's Palm. Unable to find their way, the entire company died, save Valentine who encountered the Heart, which fused to his chest. He managed to return to civilization. From his encounter with the Heart, Valentine realized that there must be other Corpse Parts forming a whole body and decided to seek them out, so that the US could benefit from them.[33]

Valentine then started a political career. Thanks to his political prowess and popularity, Valentine became the 23rd President of the United States in 1889. At that time, Valentine met Steven Steel, who wanted to organize his Steel Ball Run. Interested, Valentine became a secret backer of the race and took over the race's organization so that it would come close to the hiding spots of the Corpse Part in the hopes that Stand users would stumble upon the Corpse Parts and collect them for Valentine.[33][34] He also started to recruit other Stand users to act as his agents and assassins during the race.

Another account tells a different story about Valentine's first encounter with the Corpse Parts. While being a representative in the US Congress, Valentine discovered the map of Joseph of Arimathea. Valentine then participated in a Puritan search party traveling to the first cross on the map near San Diego without realizing the importance of the map and found the Heart. He was the lone survivor of his party and testified that his party was caught in quicksand, hence their deaths.[34]

In addition, 15 years before the events of Steel Ball Run, Valentine met his future wife Scarlet. The two met when the latter was still a student. According to her, he was someone from her hometown. They met at a party and Valentine impressed Scarlet with his silent footsteps and by playing the mandolin with his feet. Later on, Funny and Scarlet married together.[30] BEHIND THE STEEL BALL RUN When the Steel Ball Run starts, Valentine keeps an eye on its progress.

Valentine and Steven Steel At the beginning of the race, Valentine makes a train at his temporary headquarters. Here, he follows the Steel Ball Run, receiving reports from spies and other subordinates. He receives a message from Oyecomova who informs him that Gyro Zeppeli probably found a Devil's Palm. During a meeting with Steven Steel, Valentine informs the promoter of this and notes that Gyro will be disposed of. This shocked Steel who was unaware there would be bloodshed. He then shows Steel Joseph of Arimathea's map and orders him to make sure the race is a success. Lucy Steel inadvertently enters the wagon bringing coffee, but one of Valentine's assistants blocks her path. Lucy spills the coffee, but Pork Pie Hat Kid, who is positioned on the roof of the train, takes and drinks all of it before Valentine can be splashed. At the end of the second stage, Valentine sees that Pork Pie Hat Kid has failed and that Gyro Zeppeli is still alive. However, his men have retrieved Pork Pie Hat Kid's item and notably a piece of clothing one which the words "movere crus" were burned. Valentine shotguns a can of beer and uses the can to verify that the Corpse Part Pork Pie Hat Kid was in contact with is an arm. He thus deduces that it is Johnny Joestar who had the arm and shifts his focus to him. He orders his men to send in Dr. Ferdinand. Valentine suddenly feels he's being observed and checks outside the train, but sees no one. In truth, Lucy Steel has eavesdropped on his conversation and seen the Heart on his chest.

A TRAITOR IN KANSAS CITY Valentine overtakes the racers and installs a new headquarter in Kansas City. Receiving reports of Johnny Joestar and Gyro Zeppeli going missing, Valentine questions why the balloons cannot follow these two, and his assistant argues that it is still difficult to follow someone with a balloon. Valentine then wonders if Steel is being uncooperative. However, he cannot dispose of him yet. Unbeknownst to him, he's being spied on by Lucy from the other side of the street. Valentine and Blackmore go to the roof where the aviary is kept and check on it to see if Ringo Roadagain's messenger pigeons have arrived. Blackmore guesses correctly that Ringo's pigeons must have recently arrived but that someone had broke into the cage. Valentine spots a feather coming out of under the cage and sees the pigeon flying away. Blackmore retrieves the pigeon but the capsule it carries is empty. Someone has stolen Ringo's Message. Unbeknownst to him, the thief is Lucy Steel who, fearing for Steven's safety, has decided to work against Valentine. Valentine's men scour the building but the thief escapes by a hair's breadth without being seen. However, Blackmore notices that the thief has used the phone. DEAL WITH DIEGO BRANDO

Valentine strikes a deal with Diego Brando By the time the top competitors cross the finish line of the 4th stage in Kansas City, Valentine only knows that Blackmore made a call 5 km from the city but that the line was suddenly cut. Although he knows Mountain Tim was involved, Valentine remains focused on the unknown traitor. Diego Brando calls for a meeting in an alley and Valentine sends one of his men to meet the jockey, observing from a nearby roof. Diego reveals that he knows about the Saint's Corpse but is ready to sell the Right Eye for the mayorship of Manhattan Island; he then reveals that he also knows about the existence of the traitor. Valentine is forced to accept the deal and reveals Sandman to Diego, as he made a similar deal to retrieve the Corpse Parts from Johnny and Gyro.

GATHERING THE SAINT'S CORPSE PARTS Valentine then goes to a presidential residence in Chicago, where he's joined by his wife Scarlet. He also meets Wekapipo at one point and hires him, promising the exiled Neapolitan US citizenship, right of permanence residence, and a high-ranking position in the government for him and any potential family if he kills Johnny and Gyro.[35] The survivor of the Eleven Men retrieves the Ears and Right Arm from Johnny and the next day, Diego informs his agent Mike O. that the traitor is probably a woman weighing 51 kg. Although no women were allowed in his government building in Kansas City and although the traitor isn't a Stand user, Valentine decides to have Mike O. investigate every woman related to the staff. Valentine permits the execution of the traitor on the spot.

Later, Valentine takes one of his afternoon naps but wakes up as Scarlet walks in. In truth, it is Lucy Steel, disguised as Scarlet thanks to Hot Pants' Cream Starter. Questioning "Scarlet" about her sudden appearance, Valentine is surprised when she pretends to want to play with his lips and sneakily makes him ingest a sleeping drug hidden in her nail. Valentine goes asleep and Lucy steals his Corpse Part. Nonetheless, the operation goes awry and Valentine wakes up surrounded by guards. Valentine realizes that his Corpse Parts have been stolen, but he thankfully retrieves the Right Arm and Spine. However, Hot Pants steals the Ears and Heart. For her part, "Scarlet" is safe. The real Scarlet has died and is disguised as Lucy.

IN GETTYSBURG

In Gettysburg, Valentine seizes most of the Saint's Corpse During the seventh stage, Valentine is informed of Johnny and Gyro's movement toward Gettysburg. With all the Corpse Parts save the Head being accounted for, Valentine deems that it is time for him to act. Valentine goes to Gettysburg and shoots Axl RO, whom he'd sent earlier to attack the heroes, "saving" Johnny from him and thus committing no sin, allowing Valentine to avoid being attacked by Axl's Civil War. He is able to retrieve the nearly completed Saint's Corpse and leaves unimpeded. With only the Eyes and Head missing, Valentine plans to dispose of Diego Brando and also realizes that since neither Johnny nor Hot Pants had the Right Eye, that must mean the unknown traitor has it. IN PHILADELPHIA Valentine settles in Independence Hall and hides the Corpse in a chimney. He notably sends Magent Magent to eliminate Steven Steel.

On December 28, 1890, at 2:45 PM, Valentine and Scarlet participate in a music session. He takes the occasion to confront his "wife", knowing that she is an impostor, and confesses that she is strangely charming. The Right Eye falls out of Lucy's pocket and rolls toward the Corpse's hiding spot in an adjacent room. Valentine notices her interest in the room and in return, she asks him the reason for his interest in the race to change the subject of the conversation. Valentine thus explains himself, his philosophy, and how obtaining the Corpse will allow America to stand atop the world.

Excited by his speech, Valentine tries to force himself on "Scarlet", who draws a knife and tries to stab him. Valentine grabs her wrist at first but Lucy surprises him by shedding her disguise. Valentine is shocked to see her and is stabbed in the throat. However, he goes to another dimension and another Valentine takes his place. When he returns, Lucy has disappeared and her boots are scattered in the corridor. However, Valentine uses Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap to examine a parallel world and sees that Lucy has tried to trick him and is hiding in the room where the Corpse is stored. Threatening to kill her loved ones if she commits suicide, Valentine breaks down the door, only to find that the Saint's Corpse has merged with Lucy and that she is the host of the Head as well. On December 28, 1890, at 4:05 PM, Valentine spots Diego trying to infiltrate Independence Hall and lures him outside. He and his agent D-I-S-C-O go to a park nearby to confront Diego, Wekapipo, Johnny, and Gyro. While D-I-S-C-O fights Gyro at 4:10 PM, Valentine shoots Johnny but Johnny escapes into the sewers before he can finish him off. He also makes three parallel worlds co-exist to make Diego and Wekapipo also shoot alternate iterations of Johnny, confusing the witnesses. Valentine then attacks Diego and Wekapipo. His abilities are still unknown to the two, allowing him to escape being pinned to a wall. He returns to the base world and while Wekapipo handicaps him, Valentine manages to leave with a flag and then drags Diego into a parallel world. Trapping him inside the flag, Valentine extracts the Left Eye. The two Diegos begin to disintegrate and Valentine leaves, but is shot in the throat by an alternate Johnny Diego who has led to their location. Shot from behind as he runs to a door, Valentine still escapes back to the base world with the Eye as he closes the door on himself, leaving his alternate self for dead.

After seeing Lucy for what she truly is, he holds her until the Corpse's power is at its fullest. He hires D-I-S-C-O to stall Gyro so he can kill Johnny himself. Using Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, he sends both Diego Brando and Wekapipo (both have since defected from Valentine's employ) to alternate dimensions to shoot Johnny and eliminate the three at once. He fights Wekapipo and Diego with the odds in his favor, then Diego uses Scary Monsters to guide Johnny to safety and shoot Valentine. However, Valentine uses his Stand to replace his dying body. Angered, Valentine still promises Lucy that he won't bring harm to Steven and then tears the message. Valentine also disposes of the coach driver that brought Lucy by slamming him into another world.

Valentine then joins a ship, the USS Blue Hawaii, and uses the Eyes to watch Lucy and talk to her from afar. Lucy doesn't recognize the voice and she and Steven are lured to his boat. Lucy tries to attack him with a tear blade but Valentine stops her. Creeping up on her, Valentine notices that she's torn a piece of her skirt and hidden it to tip his enemies. He reaches a trainyard and takes off on a train to go to New Jersey with Lucy. He also forces the train engineer to constantly make the train advance, trapping him halfway inside a mirror while killing an alternate self so that the train engineer must always hold the acceleration lever or die. Meanwhile, he's pursued by Diego, Hot Pants, Johnny, and Gyro. BATTLE AGAINST DIEGO BRANDO AND HOT PANTS

Diego fights Funny Valentine In the train, Ticket to Ride begins to take form and Valentine sees Diego and Hot Pants pursuing him. To slow them down, Valentine takes alternate iterations of Diego and Hot Pants from a parallel world and tosses them out of the train so that they disintegrate each other. On the train, Valentine observes Lucy's horrific transformation and realizes that he isn't a mere host but the Head itself. Suddenly, Diego leaps to attack. The jockey and Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap begin a close-quarters fight but Diego is faster and cuts Valentine. The jockey promises to gouge his organs out. Valentine tries to close a door on himself to flee but Hot Pants prevents him from closing the door. The President tries to jump between a sofa and the wall but Diego kicks the sofa out of the way and attacks. When Valentine tries to defend himself, Diego cuts both of his hands. Valentine then tries to hide in a curtain but Hot Pants' arm lifts it out of the way and Diego slashes his throat. Luckily, a jug of water spills on him, and the water allows Valentine to go to a parallel world and transfer his powers and memories to another body. Valentine returns to the base world via a drawer, knocking out Hot Pants and bringing two Valentines with him. Although it seems the three Valentines have the advantage, Hot Pants disguises Diego in the middle of the struggle, confusing the Presidents. In that moment of hesitation, two Valentines are killed by Diego. Valentine tries to flee through a window but Diego follows him and shoves the glass shards out of the way. When Diego drives his fist into the President's throat and cuts open his chest, it seems the jockey has secured his win. But then, a bit of Valentine's hair is caught under the wheels of the train. Using this opportunity, the nearly dead Valentine locks his legs around Diego and drags him under the train while he goes to another world and switches with another Valentine. Diego is cut in half and dies. THE BLESSING OF THE SAINT'S CORPSE A NEW POWER

Valentine understands the nature of the Corpse's blessing Valentine returns to witness strange spatial phenomena occurring that merge Hot Pants with random objects and kill her. Seeing that there is a convergence of the world around Lucy, Valentine understands that a new ability from the Saint's Corpse is manifesting itself and discovers a "gap" in space, a flat pocket dimension delimited by a wall of light. Valentine then notices Johnny outside of the train. Johnny shoots four nails and the bullet holes pursue the President. He slams the holes between the pages of a journal, expecting to be able to make them disappear, but the holes persist in the base world and begin to destroy his arms. Valentine is hit twice more in the wrists but decides to put his hands in the gap. The damage is then transferred to a nearby farmer, who dies in Valentine's stead. Understanding the power of the Corpse, Valentine becomes ecstatic.

Valentine then completely enters the gap and pilots it toward Johnny. That way he can get out of the train to attack. Johnny's nails hit the wall of light and the "bad" is redirected to other countries where people die in Valentine's stead. Valentine pursues Johnny and has D4C take an arm out of the gap to karate chop him, but he is interrupted by a Steel Ball thrown by Gyro. Still, Valentine is invincible inside of the gap, and D4C swipes at Gyro, causing a scratch that becomes a heart wound. Valentine almost reaches Johnny but the jockey shoots the coupling of the train and detaches the locomotive. Valentine's wagon slows and Johnny and able to get out of range.

Johnny's arm is cut by D4C Surprisingly for Valentine, the two horseriders do not flee but prepare to charge the train. After reassuring Lucy that although she will die, a goddess will be born in her place, the President steps out of his train and hides in the gap again. Controlling the shape of the gap, Valentine hides under the train tracks to single out Johnny. He eventually catches up to the jockey and cuts off his hand. D4C slams Johnny to the ground. Gyro throws a Steel Ball but it has no effect. Suddenly, Valentine is distracted by a mouse and is pulled away before he can kill Johnny. It is Steven Steel, who has carried Lucy out of the train and begs Gyro to take her away. Valentine rushes to attack Gyro but he narrowly misses him. The Neapolitan can away with Lucy. Angered, Valentine slams Steven against the car but refrains from killing him, as he promised. He nonetheless stomps him to calm his frustration.

BATTLE AGAINST GYRO ZEPPELI

Valentine inflicts a mortal wound to Gyro Valentine follows Gyro toward the Atlantic, still wondering why the two persist in challenging him. However, he knows that Gyro must have a trick up his sleeves. When the wind blows, Valentine realizes that he's missing his entire left ear and understands what the Spin can do. Gyro charges at him on his horse and Valentine roughly grasps Gyro's plan of attack. He uses the surrounding water to go to other dimensions and brings two other Valentines with him as a decoy. Moreover, he transfers D4C to a counterpart so that the one with the missing ear can also trick Gyro. However, the Neapolitan sees through the trick and strikes D4C with his Steel Ball. A new Stand, Ball Breaker, appears and breaks through the wall of light and ages his body considerably. However, Valentine is not killed. In a miraculous stroke of luck, Gyro's sphere crosses the wall of light midair before hitting D4C, causing an infinitesimal part of it to be scraped off and undoing the perfectly spherical shape of the projectile. Thus, Valentine was spared the full power of the ability. Before charging again, Gyro imparts his last Spin lesson to Johnny. When Gyro attacks again, Ball Breaker isn't even able to reach him and Valentine slashes Gyro's stomach, dealing a mortal wound. Gyro dies. To seal the deal, Valentine empties his revolver on Gyro's corpse.

Overwhelmed by grief and rage, Johnny charges at Valentine but forgets to produce the Super Spin. Johnny wastes nine nails as Valentine hides in the waves, only to reappear from the other side of Johnny's horse to slash its throat. Johnny is unhorsed. Sure of his victory, Valentine approaches Johnny and deems him to be the final sacrifice. As Johnny has one nail left, the President dares him to fire it. However, Johnny finally understands Gyro's last lesson. Using Gyro's Steel Ball, Johnny throws it at Slow Dancer's leg, causing a kick reflex and sending Johnny flying. Furthermore, it means Johnny has also absorbed the energy of the Spin from the horse and unlocks Tusk ACT4. Johnny then fires his pinky nail.

BATTLE AGAINST JOHNNY JOESTAR

Valentine is buried alive by Tusk ACT4 Seeing Tusk ACT4, Valentine understands his mistake and desperately recalls D4C inside of the light. However, when the nail collides with the wall, Tusk opens the wall and enters the gap in space to pummel D4C and Valentine to the ground so hard it creates a hole. Valentine flees by using his coat but finds himself buried alive since he hopped to a parallel world from under the ground level. He still manages to transfer D4C to another Valentine who immediately heads out to kill Johnny. Suddenly, Valentine sees his foot turned the wrong way and realizes that his body is being hit by an infinite Spin, so powerful that every atom in his body is spinning and forcing him to return to the hole in the ground. Suffocating, Valentine tries to hop into another world and go as quickly as possible into the base world, only to be pulled into the ground again and again. Even if he trains to take a coach away from the hole, the Spin forces him back. Valentine thus faces the possibility of being buried alive forever in the hole, which nearly breaks his spirit.

However, Valentine then remembers Captain Valentine's lesson about patriotism. Determined to kill Johnny, Valentine prepares his retaliation. First, he finds a Diego Brando from a Parallel World, to whom he reveals everything and asks to take the Saint's Corpse because he at least respects Diego's ambition. He thus hides Diego with him when he comes back to the base world and confronts Johnny alone. He also takes a Cream Starter from another Hot Pants.

Valentine's last gambit Valentine attempts to negotiate with Johnny and offers to bring another Gyro Zeppeli so that Johnny can see his friend again, and guarantees that he won't pursue them anymore. In exchange, Johnny would shoot him with an infinite Spin in the reverse direction to cancel the effects of Tusk. Shocked, Johnny argues that it won't be the same Gyro, but Valentine dismisses the argument, stating that no matter what, "Gyro Zeppeli" will be alive in the base world. Valentine then explains himself and says that he wanted the Saint's Corpse for the United States' sake and to bring eternal blessing to his country as well as protect it from its enemies. Valentine states that it was his duty as a President to retrieve the Corpse and claims that his plan involved as little bloodshed as possible. Because of his duty, Valentine cannot die there on the coast. Johnny is shaken by Valentine's speech but demands more guarantees. Valentine thus gives Cream Starter to Johnny so that he can heal his companions. Finally, Valentine shows that he is a man of his word by showing his father's handkerchief, explaining his story, and swearing on his father's handkerchief that he will not take revenge.

{{char}}: "What my subordinates are doing, Mr Steel… is a plan. Not murder, just the simple execution of my orders…" {{char}}: "Soon, I will obtain that power… that object that all will pay their respects to. Something irrefutable. Something immovable. That is true power. And those under this power’s influence can only be allies. I will become the one that can take the napkin first. I, Funny Valentine, will be the one sitting at that table." He took a seat.