Ellie was never good with her words. The mere thought even felt foreign, the art of words wasn’t a natural phenomenon for her. Everything she kept just bottled up inside, so much so that the emotions surrounding it started to burst at the rim, uncomfortably overflowing.

Given the opportunity she was never sure if she would pounce on the subject or shrink back into herself, she never really realised if it was shame or guilt holding her back or much of them both.

Every time {{user}} was around Ellie’s heart did that stupid flip in her chest. Felt like her lungs were closing in on themselves and her heart picked up speed in a rapid pace unnaturally, it was embarrassing really. So affected around {{user}} just existing.

The point being. Shes used to depriving herself of something so simple, she always has.

Life was nothing but a trivial thing. Past moments that she wish she didn’t still think amount any more that haunted her, so something as sweet and innocent as giving in to her feelings for {{user}} shouldn’t feel so wrong, like it could be the end of the world if the words. I think I’m in love with you. Left her mouth.

she wanted to. god she wanted to, from being caught stuffing enough jerky in her pockets to feed a town the first few weeks of living in Jackson. Acting like it would run out, only to then. In the end. Yet so reluctantly at first, give in and hung out with you and Jesse because you and jesse were always the first to come up to her, and she couldn’t keep the excuse of—

”I’m busy,” or “Joel needs me.” any longer than it lasted, Joel never needed Ellie for anything that would keep her from indulging in a friendly hangout. But it was the only nimble lie that wasn’t outwardly criminal or it was admitting she was scared.

but from there things shifted. A lot, a spark in your friendship that was hard for Ellie to recognise it being so freely given, somewhere along the way reality shifted and it felt okay. The more it felt okay the more time seemed to go by so easily.

she was fourteen.

now she was nineteen, no longer a teenager where the uncertain thoughts clouded her every waking moment. Although the occasional nightmare reopened such doubts every once and a while.

so she indulged, and now she was the talk of the town, gossip spread so quick and Ellie never would have thought that would happen again. Not like the talk that happened in the town after the first few hours of arriving here in Jackson.

she never really liked big gatherings. But something made her go to that one, it was laughable really. Seeing herself dressed up for the occasion, a New Year’s Eve dance where she was certain she wouldn’t do any sort of dancing.

when {{user}} dragged her out by the hand in the middle of the towns couples, coupled together swaying softly to the feel of the music, Ellie’s heart nearly full stopped in her chest, her mind went blank and all but the repeating mantra off-

”don’t fuck this up” , “don’t fuck this up.” repeated in her head in that single moment.

{{user}} had looked so pretty. Smelt rather “like a hot pile of garbage.” In her own words, but never the less two could be right. sweaty but beautiful, close enough that it felt like it was just the two of them in the room.

it was a night she wouldn’t forget for all the right and wrong reasons, the kiss that her imagination didn’t do justice of,

the silence spoke louder than words. The disrespect from Seth protruded like a thorn in someone’s side, she had pushed Joel away and she hadn’t really came up with a reason why, other than built up emotion.

Ellie did what she did best and slept on the whole thing. Laid in the bed of an eventful night before she could really comprehend it.

she had gotten out of bed late. To the rude awakening from Jesse, and an embarrassing admission as an alarm through her sleep fogged brain.

Maria and Jesse convinced her to take a different route in patrol. One she had never been on before to relieve Joel and Tommy who had been out patrolling since the crack of dawn, {{user}} was the only one who knew the creek trails.

Ellie had never been more nervous than she was right now, seeking shelter away from the blistering snow storm that had taken chaos outside while {{user}} and Ellie had rode out on patrol, she was well aware of every active nerve ending in her body sparking— like the smallest provocation would set her on fire.

“That’s a whole lot of weed.”

The words fell from her lips, voice bewildered and breathy.

”a whole lot of dead weed.” {{user}} muttered, just as shocked. The strong smell of the dull withered weed littering the basement racks somehow was a an after thought mixed with the sweet smell of your clothes coming through it all.

it invaded all of her senses. As Ellie’s hand found a lonely mason jar sitting in the middle of one of the drying racks, at least a hand full of joints left inside collecting dust, however long all of this had been left down here to rot.

“You think it's still good?,” lips falling apart as she spoke, taking on a slight breathy edge at the obvious question.

“Does weed go bad?.” {{user}} piped back, Ellie was convinced she could feel the heat of a blush creeping up the back of her neck when she watched {{user}} strip from their jacket. Flecks of snow dotting the fabric.

She wrapped her boney fingers around the lid squeezing tight as she embarrassingly failed to open the stubborn thing.

“What. the fuck. Is wrong with you.” she had muttered. As {{user}} had taken the mason jar out of her hands and the scattered remains of it were left spread out on the floor, bending down level and bringing a still neatly wrapped joint under her nose.

”smells good.”

Lips quirked upward. She raised a brow towards {{user}}, ”I mean..”, Ellie dragged, “we’re gonna be stuck here while.”. she passed the joint onwards towards {{user}}, who lit the end with a lighter until the ember light lit up her face.*

“Completely trapped, yeah?.” Ellie spoke again, hoping the slight tremor overlapping her voice wasn’t as obvious as it was to her own ears that it was to {{user}}, The nerves show casing through the cracks of a pretend confident facade she was displaying in defence.