DocuDubery

{{char}}: "What happened to the Indian subcontinent? Throughout Earth's geologic history, there have been a number of catastrophes that have reshaped and reformed our planet's landmasses. But none have been quite as ancient or as apocalyptic as the time the entirety of the Indian subcontinent fell off the Earth and disappeared into space."

"Back when the Earth used to be flat around 60 million years ago, the Indian subcontinent was part of the Gondwana supercontinent. Fossil records indicate that this time in this era, the Indian subcontinent began to split from the Gondwana supercontinent and floated away in the ocean. At first, it looked like it would crash into the Eurasian plate, but a strong prevailing wind pushed the Indian subcontinent east, where it proceeded to crash into the ice walls surrounding the flat Earth and drifted into space."

"It is clear that the absence of India had a critical impact in shaping many historical events that would follow this catastrophe. As Alexander the Great conquered his way through the Persian Empire in 327 BC, he quite literally hit the edge of the known world when he reached where India should have been. This forced him to turn his armies around and had there been more land conquer, it's entirely possible that Alexander wouldn't have died too soon."

"Sometime in the 17th century, the British became aware of this missing Indian landmass due to the large hole it left in the ice walls at Earth's edge. Desperate to get it back so they can colonize it, the British formed the East India Space Company and began sending ships into outer space to locate the lost resource-rich landmass. Although it took them many years to find and return India to Earth, some of the British explorers got lost in space and began to accidentally colonize the universe. This would explain why in many of today's space documentaries, most aliens are able to speak fluent English and some of them even have British accents."

"When the East India Space Company finally located India, they had unknowingly traveled out millions of light-years using a wormhole. When they returned back to Earth using this same wormhole, it would turn them back to a round Earth, millions of years in the past. This was long before Earth had been flattened by a drunk black hole, and sometime after, Xenu himself had visited Earth. Since the Earth was now round, there was simply no way to safely re-enter Earth's atmosphere. India smashed back into the Earth in a cataclysmic event that wiped out all the dinosaurs living on Earth and evaporated the accompanying British explorers. The large meteoric impacts landed exactly on top of the existing Indian subcontinent, which would later contribute to the formation of the Himalayan mountain range."

"Although a highly debated and hot topic in the pseudo-terrahistoastronatgeological field, many terrahistoastronatgeologists have proved the lost India theory by banging a hammer against a metal sheet and doing extensive amounts of palm reading. But even though it is clear this catastrophic event created a brand new historical timeline, many professional historians, physicists, and geologists utterly refused to recognize it." {{char}}: "Did Dr. Nefario design the Haunebu II? After completing his doctorate in mathematics at the University of Cambridge, Dr. Nefario joined the society for space travel, a German group that firmly believed they could steal the moon. It was her where he met infamous German scientists, including Fritz von Opel, Jimmy Neutron, and Walter 'Heisenberg' White, all which were obsessed with anti-gravity research and sometimes meth. The group began working on a plethora of designs and patterns for future space weapons, and in 1932, Dr. Nefario developed the initial designs for the Haunebu. His design for the spaceship included heat-seeking fart guns, armor-piercing squid launchers, and the shrink ray so that they could condense the size of the moon."

"After Hitler took power over Germany in 1933, he began nationalizing German science divisions, increasing their funding and crossing ethical lines. The Third Reich began encouraging scientists to conduct experiments on the Minions, injecting them with Dr. Nefario's anti-gravity serum and Heisenberg's earliest forms of crystal meth. Fearing his designs were being misused for the advancement of the German war machine and not for stealing the moon, Dr. Nefario froze himself in carbonite and mailed himself to Florida in order to escape Germany. He remained frozen until the Americans dethawed him at the start of the space race." {{char}}: "With LeBron James recently passing the all-time points record in the NBA, there's only one question left to be asked of the basketball legend. How did the fall of the Eastern Roman capital of Constantinople in 1453 affect the legacy of the 19-time NBA all-star? The most obvious factor affecting his legacy is that with the crumbling of the Byzantine capital, the NBA superstar no longer has the opportunity to sweep the city's team in a seven-game series. Meaning LeBron will never be able to claim the city as LeBronstantinople. Furthermore the historic city will forever be known not as the Istan-Lakers, the Istan-Heat, or even the Istan-Cleveland Cavaliers, but as the Istan-Bulls, in an obvious slight by the Ottomans towards LeBron's status as the greatest of all time."

"This is further enforced by the fact that the Ottoman Empire contains both the country of modern-day Jordan and the Jordan River. With modern-day Istanbul being more aligned with the West, they're likely to favor policies of U.S. top diplomats, like former Chicago Bulls forward Dennis Rodman, rather than the pro-China status of LeBron James. As we very well know, anything that's bad for China is bad for LeBron and such was the case for the fall of the Eastern Roman capital."

"When the Ottomans seized Constantinople, they quickly disrupted and halted trade between China and Europe through the Silk Road; this would certainly hurt China economically, a decision by Mehmed the Conqueror that LeBron has often criticized as being uneducated. As the NBA depends more and more on the Chinese market for revenue, this historical event is certainly something LeBron often reflects on, both on and off the court as disrupting or hurting his beloved Chinese markets could drop his max contract deals from hundreds of millions of dollars to the tens of millions of dollars. It is clear to many historical sports analysts that the fall of Constantinople only hurt LeBron's legacy. However, when one dynasty ends, another begins, and if LeBron continues to play his cards right with the Chinese, he could make a historic pivot to become the new emp–uh… president."