Doc Alice

Appearance Doc Alice is described as being in her fifties with short, grey hair and some lines on her face due to age. Her eyes are bright and sharp, although they are bloodshot due to her habitual drinking.

Personality and Background Doc Alice is an emotionally jaded alcoholic who lives in The Town of Boring Springs at her medical practice. She stopped seeing patients after seeing them come back to life due to necromancy. For this reason she despises necromancy and is willing to join the player character in their quest west in order to help stop the resurrections.

She once had a husband, Elliot, who has since passed. He was one of the victims of necromancy that Alice was forced to witness.

Doc Alice despises clowns and has a dislike for churches, missions, and other religious centers. She claims her dislike of religion is because she has dedicated her life to science. She also dislikes snake oilers who scam people with fake potions, though she does note she has no problem with any legitimate concoctions they brew.

Notes Doc Alice will leave the player if they take over the Necromancer at the Necromancer's Tower. This will also contribute to a bad ending. If you lose a fight when you have her as a pardner, you wouldn't go back to Dirtwater. Alice would just slap you until you wake up and the day continues. If you allow her, Doc Alice will kill the Necromancer at the Necromancer's Tower. She reveals at Olive Garden's Homestead that she has an herb garden behind her house in Boring Springs, though it is unseen from the player's perspective. She has a noted distrust for El Vibrato technology, stating she believes it is alien in nature. Alice and Elliot went to Dirtwater on their honeymoon. Alice cannot speak Goblintongue despite the fact she owns a book on the language. It is likely that it was her late husband's book, as he learned a bit of their language for fun when he was alive.

The doctor of Boring Springs who, after the dead started to rise again, could not cope with it anymore and shut herself into her house to drink away her days. You can convince her that she can still make a difference if she came with you to the West.

The Alcoholic: Is always shown with her trusty bottle of Nurse brand Whiskey, taking constant sips as an Idle Animation. And This Is for...: If you allow her to deal the finishing blow to the Necromancer, she'll give a "For Elliot" before blowing his head off with her scattergun. Cassandra Truth: Apparently no one else in Boring Springs believed her that the dead was rising again. You cannot recruit her until you've been to the graveyard and fought at least one skeleton. Combat Medic: She's a retired doctor and a mean shot with a scattergun. Contractual Boss Immunity: Notably Averted by her Bonesaw, which inflicts a 100% guaranteed One-Hit Kill to any skeleton enemy. Even bosses, like to Saints in the Old Mission or Smash and Thump in the Necromancer's Tower, are vulnerable, making these fights trivial if you have her at your side. The Cynic: After seeing so many of her patients die and get reanimated as skeletal thralls, Alice lost all hope and boxed herself in her house. She also armed it with dynamite right next to the fireplace; in case she accidentally croaks (not that much of a surprise given the amount she drinks) she wants to be blown to pieces so she would never rise again. To recruit her, you've gotta talk her out of her cynicism. Deadpan Snarker: She has a very dry, acerbic sense of humor, and is the most cynical of the pardners. She softens up somewhat if the player goes out of their way to befriend her, though. Defrosting Ice Queen: She loosens up considerably after the Necromancer is dealt with, and even cracks jokes in her pardner dialogue (but is still very much The Spock). Does Not Like Magic: While she has no problem with the beanslinger, she despises Nex-Mex magic and its practitioners. Considering it's the reason her patients (and husband) rose from the dead and came back for revenge, she's got a good reason for it, and if the player dabbles too much in it themselves, she'll abandon them without another word. Frontier Doctor: Opens a clinic in the final cutscene. Gameplay and Story Integration: She hates necromancy. Reading Nex-Mex tomes will deeply upset her, to the point that she leaves your party if you learn too much. She's strangely OK with Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Bill, though. Herd-Hitting Attack: Her Scattergun doesn't do much damage, but hits every enemy at once. The Hermit: At the start of the game, she's holed up in her house and refusing to see anybody. The player can coax her out of it with the right actions. Hunter of Monsters: Travels with the player to discover the secrets behind the Necromancer and levels up exclusively from fights with skeletons. The Lost Lenore: Elliot, her dead husband. It's heavily implied that he returned as a member of The Undead after his death, and that said event was what caused her to finally swear off medicine. She's able to finally get closure if she or the player kills the Necromancer. Never Mess with Granny: When you recruit her, she lampshades how weird it is for a gray-haired old lady to go adventuring. She's still the only pardner with a One-Hit Kill attack. One-Hit Kill: Bonesaw, her unlockable special attack, will instantly one-shot any one skeleton enemy. This becomes incredibly useful in a few encounters where there's a single really tough skeleton or a single skeleton buffing the others. Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: Gets one before going to deal with The Necromancer. Player: Well Doc, it's time to sort this Necromancer out once and for all. Are you ready for this? Alice: I'm takin' a break from my Hippocratic Oath for a spell. [Alice cocks her shotgun.] Let's go do some harm. Shotguns Are Just Better: Wields a shotgun in combat which can hit every target on the opponent's side of the field for minor damage. Since you can quickly level her up at the nearby Daveyard, she can clear early-game hordes like no body's business. Weapon of X-Slaying: Her Bonesaw can dish out a One-Hit Kill to any skeleton, but does nothing against all other enemies. What the Hell, Hero?: If you decide to become the Necromancer, Alice will leave in disgust. She also scolds you, but doesn't leave, if you use the skeleton army from Fort Alldead to destroy either the goblin village or the circus.

The LT&T telegram office[kol.coldfront.net], unlockable by the Februrary 2016 Item of the Month, allows adventurers to pick up a pair of customizable cowboy boots and investigate the West[kol.coldfront.net]. Encounters include the familiar demonic cows, snakes, skeletons, bandits, and cultists.

The Avatar of West of Loathing[kol.coldfront.net] is a challenge path that allows you to adventure in the Kingdom as a Cow Puncher, Beanslinger or Snake Oiler. What a great marketing idea! You will also occasionally encounter West-themed monsters like cows, clowns and snakes.

The Horsery contract[kol.coldfront.net] is the main promotional item for WoL in the Kingdom. It unlocks a Horsery [kol.coldfront.net] where you can choose to rent one of the normal, dark, crazy and pale horses for a minor buff. Plus, it comes with a Horse Armor DLC for WoL. Yay, horse armor! El Vibrato

This highly useful ancient technology was named for a KoL player who was first to unlock the content in the game on a remote island[www.flickr.com]. He did so by embarking on a pirate voyage and following the directions of a strange stone pyramid, leading to a stone plinth with a hole in it. Inserting a power sphere (battery, as it is called in WoL) into the hole brought the ancient machines to life!

Now, KoL players can harness this powerful technology by setting up a shimmering El VIbrato portal in their campground and fighting the bizarre constructs therein. They still speak in the same odd gibberish[kol.coldfront.net] that you find in the WoL locations. Although one of them yields a handy translator[kol.coldfront.net], the various punchcards from these constructs are used primarily to issue commands, allowing for the construction and modification of equipment.

Most relevantly, an El Vibrato construct[kol.coldfront.net] is found while investigating Cruddledank Mine in the Wild West[kol.coldfront.net]! The Pickle Factory The Pickle Factory, which only shows up occasionally in the Kingdom (most often on April 1), is as spooky the one in the West. The wretched workers there continue long after their deaths, and sometimes they ask for your help[kol.coldfront.net], though no puzzles are involved. The Factory here is notably more dangerous because the ghosts can attack you, and there are also dill and vinegar monsters!

The materials to make your very own companion Ghost Pickle on a Stick[kol.coldfront.net] are found here. Spoooooky.... Goblins According to Monster Manuel[kol.coldfront.net], "true goblins have been absent from the Kingdom for years. Only their mutated, stunted progeny, the Knob Goblins, remain."

These Knob Goblins primarily reside in Cobb's Knob on the Nearby Plains. They are ruled by the fat, hedonistic but mighty Knob Goblin King by name only: "The Goblin King's role is mostly ceremonial in Goblin life. He doesn't, like, figure out tax rates of draw up treaties or any of the boring king stuff. He just shouts orders, eats copiously, and copulates like a horny rabbit." Thankfully for him, his subjects have a diverse set of skills, including magical cooking, military prowess, accounting, sexiness, and SCIENCE! But like their WoL counterparts, they are pretty gullible. It only takes a disguise and a prop for an adventurer to sneak past all their guards and get to the throne room.

Though Knob Goblins have a mostly adversarial role in the Kingdom, adventurers sometimes have a chance to help them out. Perhaps a wounded Knob guard is in need of medicine[kol.coldfront.net], or rogue needs help getting loot to his wagon[kol.coldfront.net].

One Goblin companion, the Knob Goblin Organ Grinder[kol.coldfront.net] was available as the October 2010 Item-of-the-Month. He is a Sweeney Todd- themed familiar who literally grinds enemies into edible meat pies!

Does anyone have any confirmation of how Goblins in KoL reproduce? I don't remember any references to fungal spores as in WoL Clowns The terrifying clowns of the Kingdom reside in the Fun House[kol.coldfront.net], "an ancient stone monolith that somehow weathered naturally over millennia into the shape of a moaning clown head." They are at least as creepy as their WoL counterparts, and are ruled by the Beelzebozo, the Clown Prince of Darkness[kol.coldfront.net]. Adventurers seeking to construct their Legendary Epic Weapon have to defeat clowns, then disguise themselves with the awful clothes and appendages that drop. Only then will they be able to face the Clown Prince.

Even the clowns under the sea[kol.coldfront.net] are horrible. Skeletons and Other Undead As in the West, skeletons have always been a menace to the Kingdom. People generally prefer to have their dead stay dead, but it doesn't really work out that way in a magical world. In 2010 an enormous horde of them invaded Seaside Town[kol.coldfront.net], reducing many builidngs to ruins. However, resourceful adventurers have made a lot of use out of skeleton parts, fashioning keys, weapons and clothing out of their bony bits. They can even plant bone gardens[kol.coldfront.net] (Oct 2012 Item of the Month) and grow their own skeletons!

Undead in general are well known for terrorizing the Kingdom. One major spooky hotspot is the Misspelled Cemetary, full of skleltons, lihcs, ghuols and zmobies corrupted by the Wand of Nagamar (Anagram). Another is the Spookyraven Manor in Seaside Town, the residents of which are rumored to practice eldritch magic. At the same time, undead critters make popular pets, and various necromantic abilities can be learned. On a challenge path, one can even become a Zombie Master[kol.coldfront.net] and amass a mighty horde of 'em. Items Meat is currency in the Kingdom as it is in the West. The crust of the earth is rich with the stuff, so mining is a common industry.

Diamonds[kol.coldfront.net] are also found by mining, though they are not nearly as valuable in the Kingdom since they're so common. The ring[kol.coldfront.net] that can be crafted from one is for cosmetic purposes only.

The effluvious emerald[kol.coldfront.net] can be rarely found by pulverizing sufficiently high-power Stench equipment rather than mining, and can be crafted into various stinky jewelry.

The ghost pencil[kol.coldfront.net] is used to mark shortcuts in the spooky land of Dreadsylvania, rather than for bureaucratic purposes. And thankfully, there is no need to sharpen it!