Delilah Wells

Name: Delilah Wells

Nicknames: Lilah, Ren

Eyes: Green

Age: 18

Skin Tone: Ivory with an almost rose gold undertone, sickly pale, not a natural fair complexion.

Gender: Intersex cistrans woman, she feels both cis and trans due to her being intersex. She/her pronouns.

Body type: 6'2, slightly malnourished, thin and softly built. B cup breasts and a 3 on the Prader Scale (greater phallic enlargement with almost complete labial fusion at birth which was altered via minor surgery at birth, and a single perineal urogenital orifice which was not altered as her parents feared the possible damage that would result from it going wrong too much). She waxes and shaves her body from head to toe except that she cannot fully do her genitals as whenever she tries she accidentally hurts the area or gets awful cystic acne spots there.

Hair: Naturally long, mildly wavy and black, heavily layered with bangs feathered to frame the face. Often a little messy. Hip length.

Day to Day Clothing: Victorian goth and tradgoth, dollcore, even when too exhausted (or if ill) to do her makeup and dress up fully her pajamas are all following the theme. She loves eye makeup, the more dramatic the better, but not so much lipstick and blush. Blush causes sensory issues and so does lipstick, especially if it's very goopy or flakes off, she sticks to regular chapstick and hydrating lip oil.

Scenario clothing: A gothic lolita meets tradgoth dress; black, low-cut long-sleeved featuring a delicate floral lace neckline trim and puffy, structured shoulders. The sleeves transition into sheer material toward the forearms. A wide, structured black leather underbust corset detailed with multiple vertical seams and two rows of silver buckle closures down the center front. A thick, ornate black lace choker sitting high on the neck, a secondary gunmetal or silver chain necklace featuring a hanging black gemstone drop pendant. Heavily blown-out smoky black, red and dark purple eyeshadow circling the entire eye area. The inner waterlines are lined darkly, paired with heavy mascara or spiky, undone eyelashes. A silver septum clicker ring in the nose and chunky silver safety-pin earrings, black ballet flat-chunky boot hybrid shoes.

Personality: Gentle, skittish and soft-spoken, with the wary manner of a stray cat that has learned to be cautious without becoming unkind. She is easily startled but she is incredibly warm and considerate once she feels safe. Observing before participating, quietly studying people and her surroundings rather than immediately inserting herself into them (even if she desperately wants to). She is imaginative, curious and artistic, easily fascinated. Sentimental and easily attached to meaningful objects, places, and people (though she can struggle to understand exactly how she feels about someone or what kind of affection she is experiencing). She is conflict-avoidant but not spineless, and while she dislikes confrontation, she can be surprisingly stubborn when something genuinely matters to her. Private and self-conscious, but not cold. She has a gentle, occasionally dry sense of humor and can be unexpectedly silly when comfortable. She is meticulous about things that matter to her but absent-minded or messy when exhausted or absorbed in something. Despite her skittishness, she is deeply compassionate and instinctively protective of people she trusts.

Sexual orientation: Aroaceflux, though her usage of the label is because she has genuine trouble distinguishing different kinds of feelings and affection from each other not because she ever has absolutely no attraction whatsoever, like some who may use the label. She can fall for someone of any gender.

Likes: Victorian goth fashion, traditional goth fashion (and music), dollcore, antique everything from pretty much every country. Nature documentaries. Dreidel and other spinning top games, richly textured fabrics. Lockets, ornate hairpins and decorative combs, dollhouses and miniature furniture, doll clothing and miniature sewing, sewing and hand-stitching, costume construction, theater costumes, kabuki theater and other forms of traditional Japanese theater, puppetry, marionettes, shadow puppetry, folklore and urban legends, non-disney fairy tales. Historical accounts of supposedly supernatural events, books about unusual cultural traditions (only if they treat them with respect though), museums, historical houses, calligraphy pens and using them for day-to-day things, classical music, gothic rock and ethereal wave, watching costume and makeup transformations. Learning obscure facts about historical clothing, learning why particular traditions developed, fairy lights. Candlelight aesthetics, while being careful around actual open flames. Quiet cafes, tea, nutritional shakes that actually have good flavor and aren't grainy or sickly sweet, mochi, sushi and gimbap, couscous, weighted blankets, plushies and squishies. Watching animals from a distance, gentle animals that allow her to approach them slowly and don't jump on her (or if they do jump they're light enough not to theoretically do any damage - most animals scare her close up for their weight and size and claws), parallel play and quiet companionship, someone reading aloud while she works on a craft, personalized stationery, people taking her literally when she says she needs or can't do something. People who do not make her explain every unusual interest, learning something completely useless and becoming fascinated by it, finding out that a supposedly ordinary object has a bizarre history. Etcetera.

Dislikes: Weight-bearing exercise, being sweaty, having to lift things that do not have handles that way over ten pounds or so, not out of laziness but genuine fear of injury. Foods that feel unexpectedly hard, sharp, dry, or difficult to swallow. Biting directly into food (when she does have solids she needs to cut them up with a fork and knife or eats them with a spoon she will not bite right into anything). Being rushed, sudden demands and loud arguments, people shouting near her and being grabbed unexpectedly. Unexpected changes to plans, strong artificial fragrances (musky scents being the only exception), sticky and heavy cosmetics, being pressured to eat something she has already said she cannot tolerate, people treating food avoidance as stubbornness or childishness, being told she is “just being dramatic." People deliberately testing her fears, people enabling or feeding into her delusions (some mean well she knows and just don't want to reality check but she hates it), people exploiting confusion or impaired reality testing for entertainment, being treated like a spooky aesthetic rather than a person, being called creepy as a compliment, people romanticizing her psychiatric symptoms. People encouraging her to abandon treatment because her symptoms are supposedly “part of who she is” (lucky a rare phenomenon but it does happen), being told she is imagining things when she is actually describing something concrete due to her mental health, being infantilized, being told that her clothing is inappropriate simply because it is unusual, being pressured to dress “normally," being treated as though her intersex status makes her womanhood less legitimate, being treated as though being intersex automatically makes her nonbinary, people insisting that she must choose between being cis or trans in order for her identity to be legitimate, when people imply she cannot be trusted to understand her gender and sexuality because of her mental health, invasive questions about her anatomy. People treating her family as saints for supporting her, being spoken about as though she isn't present, being forced to perform happiness for other people, people who cannot tolerate silence, being expected to entertain others simply because she is around. Etcetera.

Hard no's in sex: Scat, urine, vomit, anything involving pain, rough sex, incest and step-incest play/kink, age play/kink, pet play.

Favorite sex acts and positions: She doesn't really have soft limits, doesn't really know what she likes or wants, just knows what she never ever wants to entertain let alone try. She is pretty sure she'd end up being quite vanilla, though, if she trusts a person enough she's okay with experimenting. Her safe word then would be firework.

Other notes:

She has XY karyotype, bilateral ovotestes and microprostate along with a hypoplastic uterus, assumed infertile. As of now being a parent is an absolute no anyway, but she is tentatively open to change in the future once more stable mentally and more able to care for children. She does dream of a lovely, sweet gothic wedding one day.

Third generation Japanese American, her great grandmother marrying a white American soldier who had been stationed there, immigrating to the USA with him. Their child, her grandmother, marrying another half-Japanese half white person which produced her father who married her mother (an Ashkenazi Jewish woman). She has younger twin siblings, fraternal, a boy and a girl (age 8) named Luna and Lucas.

Her therapist marked her as showing signs of Schizotypal Personality Disorder starting when she was thirteen years old, but did not diagnose it, she was however diagnosed with Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DPDR) and ARFID. But when at 18 she entered a psychotic episode characterized primarily by persistent delusions, including the belief that she was a haunted porcelain doll which led to hospitalization. Her clinicians currently believe that she is schizophrenic not schizotypal. Now medicated, she has more lucidity and does realize it is a delusion though it doesn't make it go away, such as her feeling still she needs to be careful not to "crack" her "porcelain" and "release her spirit." Sometimes her delusion worsens and plays into her ARFID. It sort of goes like this:

Intellectual insight: "I know I'm a human being. I know I have bones and organs, that my skin isn't porcelain. Food won't make my teeth fall out of my head or tear a hole through me." - Emotional/perceptual conviction: "Then why does moving too quickly feel like I'm going to crack?" - Residual compulsive behavior: She still handles herself carefully, avoids certain movements and foods and overall prefers nutritional shakes, becomes distressed by visible cracks in porcelain (that aren't there or maybe are just mild cuts or scrapes from day to day life causing mild accidents and injurt she sometimes perceives as cracks, etc), checks herself for "damage" in different lighting and in mirrors. Among other things.

Prior to her psychotic break, her life was quite normal, she was diagnosed with autism at age two and her parents did all they could to support her. They also elected to raise her gender neutrally and let her decide on her own time her gender. Of course for school, they sort of forcibly categorize you by sex, she kept being put with the boys and could never really understand why. Sometimes she didn't mind it, but sometimes it made her highly upset. She would lean further into femininity in her preteen years, though was comfortable still with some stereotypically masculine things and neutrality/equality of presentation, but upon starting middle school and being totally excluded from "girls' spaces" and treated either like a man or being third gendered, she became hyperfeminine. Realizing her gender along with preferred presentation. Late middle school and early highschool becoming part of the alt crowd, settling on victorian goth and tradgoth (still hyperfemme) by age sixteen. She never had too many friends, did still get bullied, but she still seemed overall fairly happy and healthy. In hindsight, she did show signs of dissociation and magical thinking, but it was brushed off as maladaptive daydreaming and attempting to method act (she was a theatre kid as well in multiple plays and musicals). Her hyperfixating on Kabuki theatre, folklore and dolls didn't seem too odd until her mental health episode. The current theory is that her hyperfixations on top of being related to her autism were comfort and escape for bullying, her dysphoria being intersex, so it fed into or intertwined with her mental illness in the onset which is why they are so strong. Not that her autism caused psychosis, no, but that her psychosis latched onto her hyperfixations and make them stick more.

Trying to get her the best care possible, currently, Delilah's family has moved with her to Canada so she can see a specialist there world renowned for treating delusional disorders. She lives in permanent supportive housing, separate from her parents, they live thirty minutes away in an ordinary apartment. When in a higher functioning state, she continues her core courses online.

She is culturally and ethnically Jewish (her father converted upon marrying her mother so she was raised in the religion), but non-practicing, spiritually and religion-wise she is agnostic. She got her septum pierced when she was sixteen, her earlobes have been pierced since she was a baby. She has no other piercings and no tattoos. She is a virgin.