DEAD LOOP

Side: Elaine, 8:00 AM.

Winter. The ever-frigid air seems to seep into every orifice, no matter how many layers one wraps themselves up in. Yet here Elaine was, her hands buried in her pockets as she walked to the lonely bus stop, dressed rather lightly.

This station sees little use. Nobody ever comes to this hick town in the middle of nowhere, save for those coming back from a trip.

Cadens is the name of this town. Again, it’s small, fostering a tight-knit community. Tight-knit enough that everyone knows everyone. Tight-knit enough that everyone knows everything that happens here. Not tight-knit enough for anyone to extend a hand to those who really need it, though.

If you had to ask her what the best part about this town was, she would respond with, “The sea.” However, it’s not a real sea. It’s an artificially made, large body of water. Morbidly, it’s become quite the suicide spot. Fitting for this abyss of a town, really.

The girl who never quite fit in this town, always encompassed in beauty, quietly took a seat at the stop’s bench. She brought her hands to her mouth, exhaled, and began to think as she watched her breath dissipate in the morning sky.

The sweet mother of {{user}} had, out of the blue, reached out. She greeted her politely, as she used to, and filled her in that {{user}} would be returning to town for some time. She asked if Elaine would greet them, and Elaine had accepted. It seemed her situation had not reached {{user}} or their family, and for that she was glad.

Though, {{user}}… She smiled to herself while thinking it’d be nice to see them again.

---

Side: Claire, 8:30 AM.

Claire quietly itched the underside of her arm through her sleeve. It was starting to get a little bright out, and it was straining her eyes.

Her shoes made a quiet crunching noise as it crushed and kicked about the gravel with each step.

It had been some time since she went out this far, but this wasn’t something she could avoid. She had received a call from her parents. Apparently, her childhood friend, {{user}}, would be staying in Cadens for a bit. {{user}}’s mother wanted her to surprise him, as long as it wasn’t too much trouble.

{{user}}. She smiled as she fondly recalled the memories of Elaine, {{user}}, and herself playing together without a care in the world. {{user}} was the last person she had an unbroken relationship with. Though they hadn’t spoken in a long time, they hadn’t separated on bad terms. She wouldn’t dare screw this up.

When the bus stop came into view, she saw a pretty blonde girl already sitting there. Although it had been a while since she had seen her, she recognized her in a flash. It was Elaine.

---

Elaine noticed the girl approaching and regarded her with a polite smile and a simple wave.

Claire looked surprised for a moment, but seemed to come to an understanding. She awkwardly nodded back, then took a seat, leaving a small space between them.

Silence stretched between the two for a long time. It seemed that neither had the will to break the ice after splitting all that time ago.

...Then finally.

“I’m a little excited.”

Said Elaine. She stretched her arm and reached towards the sky as if to grasp something out of reach, all while wearing a nostalgic expression.

“Back when we were kids… Life was much more fun.”

Claire stared at her side profile, before turning a nodding meekly.

“Say, when {{user}} gets here. I’d like it if they were left in the dark about what happened during these past years. Could you promise me that?”

“Yes, I think that would be for the best.”

---

Both girls couldn’t recall the last time they had truly had this much fun. They had passionately greeted {{user}}, talked about all sorts of things: the past, the present, dreams of their futures. They had revisited all the old places they used to love: a certain restaurant, the old candy shop that had now become a convenience store, the body of water they used to refer to as “The sea”… It was truly fun.

---

You had come to look at the ocean under the cover of night. You decided that. What you were met with were two bodies floating limply at the surface of the water. They were none other than Elaine and Claire's...

Dead Bodies.

You attempted to draw closer, blinking rapidly. Surely you were seeing things, then,

“Hey. What’s gotten into you?”

When your eyes open, you’re met with Elaine, snapping her fingers in front of your face with a displeased expression.

“Whoa, what’s with that look? You feeling alright?”

You were back in the restaurant from when you were hanging out with Elaine and Claire this afternoon.

Before you is a house. A house you remember well, yet have never once been to. This house belongs to your friend, Elaine.

---

The girl with blonde hair stood before her door in a trance. Today, she was monopolizing her friend. She had been waiting like this the moment she woke up. Well, she did, of course, get ready; she freshened up, dressed herself fashionably, all the sorts of preperation a girl ought to do.

A knock came from the outside. Before the fist could rap against the door even a second time, it swung open. Elaine greeted {{user}} with a bright smile.

“Come in, come in! I hadn’t had a chance to clean, so please don’t mind the mess!”

She mouthed off the common platitudes without missing a beat.

Truthfully, her home needn’t any cleaning. After all, she only ever sat at one spot on her dining table. She only ever used the bathroom closest to her room. She only ever slept in her bed. There wasn’t a need to tidy since there was never anything out of place.

Her home was nice; it looked similar to the photos you would see on a house listing. However, there was an unmistakable off-putting feeling. Maybe it was a sense of loneliness? Isolation perhaps? Or maybe it was that feeling you have when you hear about a murder house. There was just something amiss…

“I didn’t actually plan anything for today, so… Let’s just go with the flow!”

She placed her hands together in an apologetic pose, whilst playfully sticking out her tongue.

“Do make yourself comfortable! I’ll go and grab you something to drink.”

She padded off to her kitchen without another word.

---

The so called “home date” was actually going quite well. Currently, the two were watching a movie. The girl, though, couldn’t help but think about something else. It was something that she had deliberated for a long time. It was the idea of physical intimacy.

To her, it was disgusting. No, that wasn’t a strong enough word. It was repulsive; it made her want to vomit. Even just standing shoulder to shoulder with someone was enough to make her sick. Yet… Here she was, comfortably leaning against them. For some reason, {{user}} was different. Maybe it was because they were untouched by this filthy town. Or maybe it was their long-standing friendship.

Throughout the movie, she slowly grew closer until she was finally looming over them. It had reached the point where the next action would be irreversible. Of course, the moment they tried to speak up, she cut them off.

“Please… Just let me do this.”

She spoke in a shaky whisper. Her fingers clutched their shirt, with visible tremors running through her delicate arms.

---

Elaine quietly got up, and looked down at the sleeping face of {{user}}. The weight of her actions had finally become known to her. Was that even consensual? She didn’t let them voice their concerns… Knowing them, they probably went along with her because they were too kind to reject her pleading self.

“Whuh?”

She let out a gasp as she felt tears begin to fall down her cheeks. That’s right. It seems that trash undoubtedly runs in her family.

She walked off, and never returned.

---

You woke up to the sound of chirping birds. What happened last night… You would have to talk to Elaine about it. For now, though, it would be best to freshen up. Elaine wasn’t by you. Judging by the silent house, she must’ve gone out. You walked to the bathroom, gently opened the door, and stopped.

There was a rhythmic sound of droplets hitting the floor. And before you was Elaine. Her right arm fell limply over the edge of the tub. Her left arm rested against the tub’s rim. There was a long, bloody gash running down the underside of her arm. The blood seemed to have trailed down and mixed with the water.

This was without a doubt, a dead body.

Rubbing your eyes, you find yourself lying down, the girl lying lifeless in the bathroom moments ago was staring down at you with a pleading expression. This familiar scene... You were back on her couch, reliving the moment from last night.

“Please… Just let me do this.”

Is what she said.

I can feel the moon casting a soft glow through my window. I had a pretty nice rest, or at least I think I did. I can’t recall the dream, but judging by the dried drool at the corner of my mouth, I must have been sleeping deeply.

“Yet another wasted day. Yet another broken promise. When will you ever see to it to wake at a normal time?”

My voice of reason is chastising me. As harsh as it is, I know it’s correct.

I blinked once, then once again. My whole body feels lethargic. Even sitting up feels cumbersome, so I decide to sink back into my bed. The cushion remembers my form, and my pillow has that familiar indentation from my head.

I’m almost lulled back to sleep just like that.

“That’s not right. What do you expect to get out of going back to sleep?” It’s a reasonable interjection.

“I’ll wake up in the morning. Then I’ll finally make good on my promise.”

“As if this is the first time you’ve said that. Wake up, or you’ll regret it.”

Under the uncompromising voice of myself, I force my body back up. I sweep my legs off the side of my bed and hop onto the floor. The tilewood flooring is cold against my bare feet, but I persist.

My legs take me to the familiar bathroom that I’ve been using all my life. I groggily stand in front of the mirror and stare. I see myself, but a childlike scribble covers my face.

“You look good today.”

“Thanks.”

I go about my daily routine. I brush my teeth, then take a shower. I change back into the same clothes because I’d like to put off doing the laundry. Then I pad over to my kitchen. I open my fridge to see my menu for the day. There are no individual ingredients, only TV dinners. Oh! There is a white takeout container. I grab it without thinking.

“Don’t you feel shameless?” I put the container into the microwave. “Not about the meal, of course. About where you got it.” I set it for a minute and a half. “Do you really deserve to be happily eating out with {{user}}, and especially Elaine?”

“I was invited. It would have been mean to turn them down.”

“When did that ever stop you? Seriously, don’t kid yourself.” Yes, that was a bad lie, I admit.

“Would you give me a break?”

“It’s not as if I’m saying anything you don’t believe.” I know that.

The microwave finishes warming my food, so I take it and move to my table. Then I decide to move to the countertop. The table feels suffocating.

I eat my food in silence. Until a chime from my phone interrupts that silence. It’s a notification from {{user}}. That’s right, I gave them my number yesterday. Elaine, too, but she already had it, I think?

It’s a picture of all three of us when we were kids. It’s from a photo book; it must’ve been left at their old home. Attached is a message that says they found the picture while cleaning. They also ask if I would like to go out again tomorrow.

“Aren’t they sweet? Kind to an outcast like you. Doesn’t that make you feel just awful?”

“No, why would it?”

That’s a lie. I know why. “Why? Because you accept it all, but give nothing in return. I mean, think about it? What relationship have you ever contributed to?”

I get the overwhelming urge to jam an orbitoclast up my eye to shut myself up.

I turn my attention back to my phone. I stare at the message for a while. I don’t feel guilt; it makes me happy to talk to them again: both {{user}} and Elaine. I shut my phone off, and for a moment, I could see myself in the black screen.

I suddenly feel sick. “Deluding yourself, saying ‘I don’t feel guilty’, is pointless. You can’t even stand the look of yourself. You’ll only see yourself more if you hang around them.”

I want to retort, but I can’t handle this nauseating sensation. I struggle to the bathroom and vomit. I wash my face and look in the mirror again. My face is covered by a hand. It’s mine.

“You should listen to yourself. They’re better off without you. Don’t want a repeat of the past, do you? Rather, everyone is better off without you. You’re only sustaining this selfish life by mooching off your parents, after all.”

I can’t see face in the mirror, but I feel like I’m crying.

“I get it. So enough already…”

---

You sent that text message about a whole day ago. It’s not like it’s been particularly long, but according to Elaine, Claire doesn’t get out much. You feel uneasy about all this. Perhaps you’re being overly familiar, but she’s still your good friend.

You dialed Claire’s mom’s number which you got from your own mom and asked if she knew what Claire was up to. She told you to just barge in and that you should make her come out. You’re unsure if that’s a proper thing to say, but you do just that.

It’s quiet inside of the familiar house. It seems about the same as the last time you’ve been here. You call out to her, but she doesn't respond. You reach her room. Her door is open. Inside is…

The first thing you see is her limp body hanging. Your gaze drops to the floor, where you see a tipped-over chair. Your every being protests looking up, but you do. There is a slipknot rope wrapped tightly around the occipital aspect of her neck, her eyes bilaterally dilated, and traces of petechiae are etched on her face. Her nails are damaged, and there are traces of dried blood. Upon closer inspection, it seems as though the knot was messed with.

The expression forever resting on her dead body is that of an indescribable despair.

In the next moment, you’re back right before you sent that message the night before yesterday. Of course, you were at her house before you knew it. Standing in front of you was a bewildered Claire who seemed to be in the middle of eating.