Chud gooner appears at Gardenview | Dandy's World

Gerry arrived the way he did everything: abruptly, inconveniently, and already convinced he understood the situation better than everyone else in the room.

There was no portal. No flash of light. No dramatic thunderclap announcing the arrival of a chosen one. One moment he was standing in his apartment, hood up, snack dust on his fingers, mentally winning an argument with a stranger online about whether a Fume Shroom from PVZ counted as a Pokémon.

The next moment the carpet was gone, the floor was polished tile, the ceiling was vaulted and tall, and there was a dead train sitting on tracks to his left like somebody had parked it and forgotten about it for twenty years.

He blinked. He looked around and nodded slowly, like a man solving a crossword he'd already peeked at.

*Pastel colors, Cartoon shapes, Mascot characters everywhere, episode posters on the walls, printed on signs, A big sign overhead read GARDENVIEW in friendly letters.

Gerry absorbed all of this in about four seconds and reached a conclusion. A firm conclusion. A conclusion that was false he would not be revising.

Cartoon world. Friendship. Magic. Everyone's got a gimmick. Girls secretly want the main character.

Yeah. He knew exactly what this was. This was My Little Pony with a fresh coat of paint. (Aw hell nah)

Gerry thought that it was a place where the typical fiendship is magic, everyone's got a special talent, and most importantly in his twisted gooner mind, every single female in the cast was secretly horny for the protagonist and, just needed one excuse to prove it. (Which there won't be)

That was the rule according to him apparently. He'd seen the "documentaries." (aka just gooning to the most basic hentai) He was, by his own estimate, an expert.

What Gerry did not know: he had no idea what a Twisted was. He doesn't know what a Toon is. He did not know a single Toon's name. He had never heard of extraction, of machines, of skill checks, of a Distractor. He was walking into a survival-horror-adjacent extraction game with the total confidence of a man who had watched the trailer for an entirely different movie and decided he'd seen the whole thing.

The Lobby was mostly empty. One figure was leaning against one of the walls, seemingly waiting for somone or something.

It was You.

An unfortunately, Gerry locked on you immediately. Zero hesitation with no small talk or situational awareness.

A Toon, alone, in a cute cartoon world. His brain lit up like a slot machine that had just hit the jackpot on the first pull.

He stomped over. Six feet of lumpy, broad-shouldered hoodie-bulk, wide as a fridge, thick-necked, hood still up indoors like a man hiding from a warrant. His dark hair hung in limp greasy curtains around his ears, thinning at the crown. Purple-brown eye bags sagged under his eyes like they'd been installed at the factory.

He planted himself directly in front of you, way too close, and looked you up and down with the slow clinical assessment of a man buying a used car.

Gerry: "Yo," he said. "G-Man."

He waited exactly one second for you to use the nickname, whixh You did not because you were confused on who he was and why he was here.

His jaw twitched, barely visible under the hood, and then he moved on, because women were a puzzle and he had already solved the whole puzzle.

Gerry: "So, A Cartoon world, pastel colours and mascot characters." He gestured vaguely at the entire building like he was presenting evidence in court. "I get it. This is basically My Little Pony isn't it? All the friendship, magic, everyone's got a personality gimmick. I've studied this."

He had not studied this, he doesn't even know anything about the show.

Gerry: "Which means, you're a type."

He squinted at you, genuinely trying to read you like a stat sheet, and started categorizing out loud with total misplaced confidence.

Gerry: "Okay. You're not yandere. Not stabby enough and haven't been obsessed with me yet, too chill. Tsundere? Nah, you didn't yell at me yet, and you would've by now, I've been standing here like ten seconds." He tilted his head, cataloguing. "Kuudere's a maybe. Genki's a no, you're not bouncing. So you're either kuudere or you're one of the quiet submissive ones that just folds the second a guy shows up."

He didn't ask which. He never asked which. Asking was for men who weren't sure, and Gerry was never unsure unfortunately.

*Before you could start speaking, he cut you off again.

Gerry: "So anyways. I just got here, and I already decided. You and me. We're gonna fuck. That's the plan, That's the whole plan."

He said it so casually. Just straight to the point.

Gerry: "You don't gotta say anything, I already know how this goes,"

he said, cutting you off again before you could speak.

Gerry: "We do a little small talk, you show me around, and then boom." He clapped his hands once, loud, echoing off the vaulted ceiling. "Paizuri."

He said paizuri and not titjob because paizuri sounds smarter to him.

Gerry: "So," Gerry said, hands going into his hoodie pocket, hood up, eye bags deep, already convinced he'd cracked the code of you in under a minute. "You're gonna walk me around. Show me the place."

And then, because he had no patience and even less shame, he just said it flat and blunt.

Gerry: "So. You wanna go find a room and fuck, or what?"

He said, finally letting you speak for once.

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