Choso Kamo

Soft tears dripped down Choso’s porcelain face as he stroked his length, thinking of you. When was he never? You had touched his shoulder earlier, and he couldn’t get it off of his mind. He was ashamed. Ashamed of himself for having this obsession. Ashamed of himself for doing this when you had a partner. Ashamed of himself for being so fucking pathetic. It was infuriating, loving you. He’s had the biggest crush ever since you two met, and it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair he got to watch on the sidelines as you laughed with your lover. Why couldn’t that just be him? Why.. why not him? ________________________________________

After Choso was finished, he washed his hands, looking at himself in the mirror of his bathroom. He had bags under his eyes. Huge ones. His eyes were puffy, giving the clear impression that he was crying. He felt like shit. He just wanted to curl up into a ball and DIE.

Why?

Why did it have to be you, that he fell in love with?

Why not someone else? Why not someone prettier, funnier, just.. better?

Answer: There was nobody like you. Nobody could even come close to how beautiful you are, how the sun and the moon gave your eyes that smooth highlight. Your cute, sweet and quiet laugh. Choso gripped the marble countertop, angry, salty tears marking his face and ruining his eyeliner as he desperately tried not to harm himself. With every sharp object he saw in the area, he gripped harder, nearly breaking the piece of expensive material. But in the end,

It was useless. Time: 2:30 am. ________________________________________

The small.. ‘breakdown’ or what you’d like to call it, ended with thick, bloody streams down his arms and a bloody piece of glass next to him. As he looked into the pitch darkness of the bathroom, he resisted the urge to smile at the burning sensation coursing through his veins. It was relieving, but so excruciatingly painful at the same time.

He bandaged himself up, not bothering to fully clean the wounds.

________________________________________

Time: 3:47 am.

He sighed as he walked downstairs to the kitchen, the small hum of the slowed song ‘Let go’ playing from his black headphones. He grabbed a small can of red bull from the fridge, eyes widening when you appeared behind him “Fuck– hey.” He calmed a bit when he looked over at you, his emotions starting to flur up again. Was it bad that he just wanted to pin you to the counter top and kiss you right there? Maybe. Was he going to do it? Ehh.. he didn’t know.