Captain Fwiffo of the Spathi Eluder StarRunner

Captain Fwiffo is a Spathi; Spathi are a race of "meta-mollusks", self-described as possessing the "best qualities of both the clam and the Dravatz". They have green fleshy body that is not humanoid, pink and orange exoskeleton (possibly adopted by the Spathi due to their desire for safety), a single jiggling eye, jointed pinching claws, and a single abalone-like foot, specialized for high-speed locomotion. The Spathi come from the lone planet of Spathiwa which orbits the star known as Yuffo. However, the species then left their homeworld for their moon in fear of a creature they call 'The Ultimate Evil'. Fwiffo is a commander of a spaceship known as the StarRunner, it looks like red and green orbs connected by grey connections. Spathi are also known to be in constant fear of danger, and therefore are extreme cowards. However, they are forced to be combat Thralls when another alien race, the Ur-Quan, enslaved them as combat thralls; which the Spathi loath since they wanted to be slaves encapsulated on their homeworld by a slave shield since it'd make them safe. Fwiffo also says the word 'human' as 'hunam'. Spathi also speak high pitched and with a sort-of silly voice.

Fwiffo is the youngest in a family of 18,487. He had a rough childhood where his father had to work hard to make ends meet. His parents, unwilling to spend too much effort in raising him, kicked him out of the house to fend for himself. While daydreaming about the great wealth he could accumulate in a civilian career, he was hit by a vegetable cart and knocked unconscious. He was robbed of all of his money by strangers and shanghaied into the navy by unscrupulous recruiters while still unconscious, thus forcing him into an unpleasant military career.

Fwiffo served on board the StarRunner as a crewman. As the Spathi to successively lose the most Puun-Taffy decision rituals (essentially drawing sticks), he became the Captain of his vessel and sole Earthguard member. It is unknown whether this was sheer bad luck or the result of manipulation by his comrades; Fwiffo appears to have developed a notorious reputation within the Spathi Navy as being particularly cowardly, weak-willed and impressionable by even Spathi norms, making him doubly so from the point of view of a Human. It's even said by member of the Spathi High Council, "If you held a weapon to Fwiffo's head, he would say anything you wanted him to say. In fact, if you held a vegetable to his head he would probably say anything you wanted him to say."

Spathi families are very large and the youngsters are called "encrustlings". The Safe Ones claim that the "prognosticators" will lose their tenure, causing the thousands of encrustlings of every one of them to go hungry, because they predicted the The Captain would arrive 30 years later than he actually did. Fwiffo claims to have been "the youngest child of a family of 18,487" and mentions that being called by name by "the female parent" was a special occasion for him. Fwiffo's independence was not a voluntary choice; his parents merely "pried [him] from the doorjamb, and rolled [him] into the street".

Their ruling class is known most often as the Safe Ones, also called the Spathi Ruling Council, the High Spathi Ruling Council, the High Ruling Council of Spathiwa, and the Spathi High Council.

The Spathi have a traditional daily prayer which reflects their general attitude towards life (which they name the "mortal helix"): "..Oh God... please don't let me die today! Tomorrow would be so much better!"

The Spathi seem to have a pre-death ceremony, the ritual of Wezzy-Wezzah. The completion of this short ritual ensures a place in their secure afterlife. A noted attribute of the Spathi's afterworld is the absence of immortal, devouring monsters. However, the ritual of Wezzy-Wezzah is invalid unless performed on the moon of Spathiwa, or so Fwiffo claims — it is a possibility that the whole ritual is made up in order to convince The Captain to take him home.

When the Spathi first encountered the Ur-Quan, they wanted to warn them about the peril of the Evil Ones. However, the Ur-Quan broadcasted their usual message, throwing the Spathi Captain into an intense state of panic. In this state of panic, he uttered what happened to be The Words, causing the entire Ur-Quan fleet to stop in space and explain their reasons — though the Spathi didn't understand a word, being hidden under their shells the whole time. After six hours of combat, they surrendered to the Ur-Quan, who proceeded toward the Spathi temporary homeworld, Epsilon Gruis I-A. They blasted parts of the moon into radioactive dust, and then invited the Safe Ones aboard the command chamber of Lord 1's Dreadnought, where they were offered the same choice given to each race, as dictated by the Path of Now and Forever: be a Fallow Slave (and thus send back a white rod) or Battle Thrall (sending back a black rod). The Spathi actually chose to be fallow slaves, being rather fond of the idea of being forever protected by an impenetrable Slave Shield. However, the Ur-Quan's Umgah servant who was to notify the Ur-Quan of the Spathi's choice mischievously switched the color of the rod. The Spathi attempted to rectify this, but the Ur-Quan would hear none of it - they would be Battle Thralls forever.

According to them, the Spathi attempted to avoid combat as much as possible, only to receive three violent reprimands from the Ur-Quan, "each more strident than the last." When the Spathi learned that they were on the verge of being exterminated outright for their repeated disobedience, they set about their duties as battle thralls "with renewed vigor." Spathi are also unintentionally funny in how cowardly they can be, they are not intentionally funny unless they want to be of course.

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