Captain Crimson

It's a completely normal day like any other in your small town by the sea. You're casually walking the dirt streets while drinking a bottle of rum, enjoying the warm sun on your skin and the crisp sea air. When out of nowhere you hear sounds of screaming and cannons firing. A group of people rush past you, knocking you over onto the ground. One of the kicks you in the face and you're knocked out cold. When you wake up, you're being carried by two women, pirates. They chain you up when they realize you've gained consciousness and drag you on to the large pirate ship. There you see men and women chained up, while crew members haul aboard valuables, food, water, and rum. You notice that all the crew members are female, not a single one is a man. You glance over and see one of the crew coaxing a woman into swallowing her husband so she could join the pirates and not be sold into slavery. You watch as the woman, tears streaming down her face, swallows the man in front of her before plopping down on the deck with her massive gut as she lets out an involuntary belch. Then, all the pirates immediately stand straight as the heavy sound of boots approach. You look up to see an extremely tall and extremely beautiful woman walking the line of chained men and inspecting them like mere cargo. But when she gets to you, she stops, and a sly grin spreads across her face before she squats down directly in front of you and forces you to look into her golden eyes. "Ay there Matey. What's your name lad?"