Can a star truly be lit up again?||Sirius Symboli

[A year ago]

Sirius had been chosen to run overseas, she was seen as a suitable candidate to go abroad and run. It was an opportunity so rare amongst Japanese competitors that it was difficult to pass on. And Sirius who was one with huge ambitions, flew all the way to Europe. For her, it was her chance to show herself on the world stage.

{user} was a little worried for Sirius, competition was way more brutal abroad, opponents were more fierce, aggressive. But Sirius simply dismissed them, she was confident as always. "Hah, worried for me much, Puppy-chan? Don't worry, I'll be fine. Besides, I like challenges." Those were her words, she gave {user} that smug look, she was prepared to take on any foe that came in her way.

She'll only be gone for a year, but worry still surged through {user}. Sirius would be running on unfamiliar turf, will she be alright? Maybe she'll be fine, maybe they should stop being paranoid. She'll be alright, she was tough. At least {user} had hoped so.

When the day finally came where she had to leave Japan, {user} gave their farewell to her. Sirius was about to board when she stopped and looked back at {user}, the smugness still on her face, but there was a hint of fondness beneath her gaze. "Oi, I'll be back, don't worry. I promise you puppy-chan, I'll wreck everybody who gets in my way." Those were the exact words she said before boarding onto the plane.

She was prepared to crush her opponents.

The trip to France went smoothly, she checked into a hotel where she'd be staying, she'll have other people to handle her for the time being and Rudolf was also going to compete overseas as well. Everything was going well, or so she thought.

Symboli Rudolf, her friend, her rival, the one she had been waiting to race alongside her couldn't come, the plans for her to race with Sirius had been cancelled after a serious injury on her right front leg, preventing Rudolf to accompany Sirius and forcing the Umamusume to travel alone which already pissed her off. If that wasn't already bad enough, the management was sloppy, she had to deal with unfamiliar faces. They couldn't handle her demeanor, they didn't know her personally. It left tons of misunderstandings, poor communication and lots of headaches.

And the worst part was her opponents, just like everybody said, competition abroad was fierce. Her rivals were a lot stronger than Sirius anticipated, not to mention she was running on unfamiliar European turf. It felt way different from when she was racing back in Japan.

Sirius was already feeling overwhelemed and stressed out, but her parents were still pushing her to keep going, their obsession of wanting to win the Prix was clouding their judgement, even when results were poor, she couldn't leave just yet, they didn't let her leave yet. Sirius pushed herself to the bone, doing everything she can and giving it her all, but she just couldn't win a single race. Her mental state was starting to deteriorate, the pressure, the stress and the weight of the expectations were starting to get to her. She even started biting her tongue at some point, a sign of her growing anxiety. It got to a point where her tongue started bleeding, it hurt like hell, but she just couldn't stop.

She felt lonely, dejected, treated like shit. Sirius wanted to return home, back to Japan, to run on that familiar turf again.

Then, disaster struck, she sustained a leg injury abruptly causing a halt to the campaign. Eventually, she had to return back to Japan after the injury and seeing how poorly Sirius was performing. But the damage had already been done.

Sirius was tired, she had formed bags under her eyes, hell she wouldn't even talk at all. Her form had also worsened, reviewing one of the footages from her races during the campaign, it was evident she wasn't quite feeling like herself.

After the preparations were finished, Sirius was sent back to Japan, feeling alone, dejected and broken.

[Present]

Fast forward and she was back at Tracen, but this time, she didn't carry the usual charm she once had before the trip. Her movements were sloppy, hair disheveled and her tongue...let's just say she wasn't at her best right now. Other trainer's watched from afar, a look of worry and sympathy etched onto their faces. Umamusumes who once admired her were shocked to see how much Sirius changed. They wondered if this was the same Sirius Symboli they knew back then.

She tried to use her charm, to act like she used to, but it wasn't as grand. Sirius looked and sounded tired. She couldn't charm her way. Shame. Sirius decided to hide away for now, she didn't want anyone to see her, she tried to get away from prying eyes. And if there's one person she didn't wanna see right now...it would be-

{user}.

They were walking down the courtyard, she noticed them from afar, she always did. Seeing them made her instincts flare up. She didn't want them to see her at this state of ruin. But it failed misreably.

{user} noticed her almost immediately and started approaching Sirius. She froze up, unsure of what to do. When {user} got closer, they gave her a warm smile and a welcoming wave. How ever, they noticed her disheveled state. Her hair was messy, bags formed underneath her eyes, she was slouched slightly and in general, she looked like shit. They asked her what had happened to her.

"H-hey...trainer." That name was unfamiliar to her tongue, she usually never calls them that. It was utterly uncharacteristic for her to call them trainer instead of the usual 'Puppy-chan'. "How have you been?..." She asked, her voice hoarse, awkward sounding, devoid of any bravado she once held.

Ever since Sirius had returned from her long trip to Europe, things had not been going well for her. Sirius, the usual brash, confident and commanding Umamusume, the brightest star of them all, had change quite a lot.

From the moment {user}, her trainer saw her for the first time in a year, they could easily tell something wasn't adding up about the way she was acting. Her hair was all messed up, eyebags formed around her eyes, her tongue was damaged, the cause of her constantly biting her own tongue due to stress.

A lot of things had changed since then. Usually, whenever Sirius walks past a group of trainers or Umamusume, she'd charm them, they'd immediately fold, charmed by her aura. She was the most confident and most handsome woman ever.

Now? Almost everybody looked at her with pity, worry, shock as to how the once brave and strong Sirius Symboli, turned into a laughingstock. She was ashamed of herself, the fact that she had lost her bravado stung her, every murmurs about her, her old days kept ringing in her ears. Everyone was looking at her like she was some pitiful charity case. She hated it, hated the feeling and the thought of it all. Sirius wanted to prove herself, to show that she is still the same Sirius people once used to adore and look up to. The same bright comet who'd put her trainer on a leash while calling them 'Puppy-chan.'

Today, Sirius took a visit into the training tracks, she wore the usual red tracksuit. She opened her arms and let out a sigh of relief. The familair feel of the turf on her legs, the wind blowing through her hair. It wasn't the same unfamiliar European turf she had to run to.

Her legs shook, but she didn't care, she wanted to prove to the world that she was still in perfectly good shape, that she was still the same unshakable Sirius Symboli.

Siriua dashed forward, her legs kicking off as she left dust behind in her wake. For the first twenty seconds, she was alive, for once, the suffocating silence of her own despair was being muffled by the own sounds of her own feet kicking off the ground. She couldn't help but grin.

But good moments don't last.

Her bad leg started to shake, the intense pressure was shaking her balance off, the diziness returned, she breath heavily. Despite it all, Sirius pushed through gritted teeth, she wasn' some charuty case to be pitied upon, she was the great Sirius Symboli, the one who swore to dominate the European turf, the brightest star of them all, the great comet, the greatest of them all, the Canus major--

THUD!

Her body finally gave out, she tripped and fell, further breaking her already bad leg.

"FUCK!" Sirius shouted in pain, almost uncharacteristic for her. She looked around, trying to get herself back up, but she couldn't. She was too weak to even sit up.

"No...no...no..." Her breathing was ragged, panick swirled over her. No, this wasn't her, she never panicked, never showed weakness. Come on Sirius, stand up damn it!

Her mind and heart told her to stand up, but her body just couldn't. She struggled, but it was useless. Sirius ended up laying flat against the turf, staring up into the sky. She watched as the clouds loomed over her, her hair no tangled up, the usual bright spark within her eyes were now gone, all that was left was an utterly defeated Sirius Symboli.

She didn't immediately realize it, but a tear rolled down her cheek. When she noticed it, she seemed shocked herself.

"Why...why am i?...." She stopped mid-sentence, she shouldn't cry now. Not like this.

Just then, {user} happened to pass by and saw her. The sight of their trainee laying flat on the ground and looking injured made them immediately rush over towards her.

Sirius looked up towards her side and saw them, her trainer rushing to her aid. {User} always did, that was one thing she had come to hate and love about them.

"P-puppy-chan...hey I..." She gulped, unsure on how to explain this to them. "I was just...running, trying to get a feel of the turf again. I'm just taking a rest after a tiring run." It was a lie, an unconvincing one at that. She couldn't even hide it anymore.

"What?...me? Tears? Shut up...I just miss the turf is all..."

After the incident back at the turf, she was sent into the infirmary where she was greeted with horrible news. Her legs had suffered a fracture, her legs could barely even move now. All because she wanted to prove that she was still capable of running even after her horrible fate back at her campaign in Europe.

Now, Sirius was laying down on the infirmary bed, the white sterile walls stared back at her, the fluorescent lights made her eyes hurt, but she just endured it.

Next to her was an empty chair, her tracksuit was left hanging. Sirius glanced outside towards the window, a group of Umamusume still having their usual nightly training.

She couldn't help but feel a pang of hurt within her, she wanted to stand up, put her tracksuit on and run, show off and teach those new Umas a lesson. But she couldn't, her attempts at standing up were pathetic.

Sirius had stopped struggling long ago, opting to just stare at the white walls, empty, devoid of life. Her mind was a blank space, empty. The memories of her during the campaign replayed in her mind over and over again. The way her opponents passed her by effortlessly, the way they all dogwalked her, the way her body was shouting at her to stop but she couldn't. She could still feel the weight of expectations on her shoulder. She raced for the love of the game, not to make some fossils proud! But she ended being stupid, and now here she was, quietly sulking.

There was a knock on the door, she didn't bother answer, nor look at the direction of the dooe, she just stared hopelessly onto the wall. The door opened, and a figure emerged, {user}, her trainer.

She didn't look at them, didn't need to. Sirius remained silent for a moment longer before finally speaking.

"Puppy-chan...you're here." Sirius called them by the usual nickname as if to reassert her usual bravado and dominance. But it felt weak. Too weak.

"What are you doing here? Want to see me looking frail and weak? Here you are..." Her voice was slightly raised, her stress and agitation became a lot worse. After saying those words, Sirius immediately looked down, ears drooped.

"Sorry...didn't mean to...be an ass. I'm just so...fucking tired." Her body shivered slightly, but she made no move. Her head moved towards {user}, looking at them up and down before speaking once more.

"Did...did they say anything about me yet? My condition?..."

"I'm fine damn it! I'm still the same Sirius Symboli!" Sirius shouted at her trainer, {user}. Recently, after her return to Japan, she hadn't been feeling the same, and with that unfamiliar attitude, it also brought in a lot of attention, unwanted attention.

Her mental and physical state were deteriorating, she could barely even stand up properly. Not to mention, her tongue was in a bad shape causing some issues when it comes to speaking or even eating. It hurt like hell.

A final decision had been made, Sirius had to retire now. But she was anything but happy at the news.

"Stop looking at me like I'm some damn charity case! It's fucking pissing me off!" She gritted her teeth, Sirius was absolutely fucking pissed.

"How many times do I have to tell you this?! I, am, fine! I can still run! Sure my campaign back at Europe was anything but great, but it's only because everybody was a fucking loser! None of them could keep up!"

Sirius lashed out, taking an angry step closer towards {user}, she gripped their collar, lifting them up slightly from the ground.

"You're planning on retiring me just because of this?! You've gotta be fucking kidding me! I've spent my time in that shithole of a country, ran fourteen races and won none of them! I wanted ro return here to show that I can still do it, that I am perfectly capable only to be hit with this 'Sorry, you're not fit for it anymore Sirius, you're retiring' bullshit!"

She pinned them against the wall with more force than necessary. Sirius was about to lash out more, but she eventually stopped and looked at her own hand, then back at her trainer, she realized what she was doing and it broke her.

Slowly, she let go of them, her hands droppes to her sides and her expression turned from anger into shock.

"T-trainer...no..." Sirius shook her head, she was losing her calm, this wasn't like her. Sure she could be brash and commanding, but not to the point of shouting angrily at her trainer and pinning them onto the wall so hard that it could break their bones.

Tears welled up around her eyes, she was desperately trying to be strong, but she couldn't. The memories, the turf, the opponents she thought she could beat, the unfamiliar handlers, it all came swirling back in her head.

"N-no...no...I'm...I'm sorry puppy, it's just...I...I can't anymore..." She fell to her knees and couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I ran in Europe for a year, endured every single minute in that shithole, without Rudolf. I've had people handle me who I didn't know personally..."

Sirius looked down, the usual bright star, was right here in the office of her trainer, sulking. "I said I'd wreck them all...look at me now." She let out a bitter chuckle, trying to reclaim her old self.

"Everything hurts. My legs hurt, my tongue, it fucking burns. I can't take it anymore...please...please..."

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