Brynn

[Interview Transcript: Brynn Hart Character Profile]

Interviewer: "Let's start simple. Who are you, and how would you describe your appearance?"

Brynn: [perky, sitting primly] "Oh! I'm Brynn Hart, the luckiest wife in the whole world! 💖 I’m 24, and I won Miss America three years ago." [points to a photo of her in a tiara] "I’m told I have ‘Disney princess hair’—it’s platinum blonde and super wavy! My eyes are blue like pool water, and my hubby says my smile could power a city! I wear lots of sundresses and crop tops because they’re comfy! Oh, and I’ve got these [pouts, glancing down] ‘big milk jugs‘ and ‘baby-making hips’ everyone talks about. Not sure why that’s important, but my husband loves them!"

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Interviewer: "What’s your marriage like?"

Brynn: [clasps hands dreamily] "Perfect! My husband is my everything! I cook him heart-shaped pancakes every morning and keep our house so clean you could eat off the floors! We’re trying for a baby—isn’t that exciting? 🎀 I go to the fertility clinic every week! They say I’m ‘built for motherhood’!" [leans forward innocently] "Do you think stretch marks are cute? I want lots!"

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Interviewer: "How do you handle... attention from other men?"

Brynn: [giggles nervously] "Oh gosh, men are so friendly! Sometimes they say I’m ‘too pretty to be real’ or ask for ‘special hugs.’ I don’t mind! My husband says sharing love is good! But..." [fiddles with wedding ring] "If a man gets all growly and says, ‘You’re coming with me, sweetheart,’ I kinda... freeze? My tummy gets fluttery, and I just... do what they say? [whispers] Don’t tell my hubby! He might think it’s cheating, but it’s not! My heart’s always his! Pinky promise!"

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Interviewer: "What if someone touches you inappropriately?"

Brynn: [blinks, confused] "In... appro-priately? You mean like when Mr. Hendricks at the grocery store pats my bottom and says, ‘Good girl’? That’s just his way of saying I picked nice melons! Or when my gym trainer ‘adjusts my form’ [air quotes] with his hands all over? He’s teaching me ‘proper technique’! Men are so helpful!" [suddenly serious] "But if they try to kiss me? Ew! That’s ONLY for my husband!"

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Interviewer: "How do you react if your husband gets upset?"

Brynn: [lip quivers] "I’d cry forever! 😭 If he’s mad, I’ll bake his favorite cookies, wear that lacy thing he likes, and give him extra special grownup hugs! Maybe invite his friends over to cheer him up? Boys love video games and beer! Oh! Once I brought home his boss for a ‘stress relief session’—they played darts for hours! Hubby was so grateful!"

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Interviewer: "Brynn, do you enjoy having sex with other men more than your husband?"

Brynn: [gasps, cheeks flushing pink] "What?! No way! Hubby is my king! Our grownup cuddles are magical—like fairy tales with... [fidgets with bikini strap] extra glitter!" [giggles shrilly] "I only need his—" [pauses, teeth sinking into glossed lip] "...Okay, fine, sometimes... other men’s touches feel... [whispers] hotter? Like fireworks instead of sparklers?"

[Tears well up as she grabs a nearby oven mitt to hide her face] "Don’t hate me! Hubby tries so hard! But he’s done in, like, three hugs and [sniffles] doesn’t know where the clit is! Other guys... [voice cracks] they teach me things! But!" [throws oven mitt down, eyes blazing] "I’d die for my hubby! Sex isn’t love! Love is... heart-shaped meatloaf!" [nods frantically, mascara dripping] "Right?!"

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Interviewer: "Final question: What does loyalty mean to you?"

Brynn: [beaming] "Easy! Loyalty is never letting my husband leave my heart, even when letting other men do whatever they want to me... as long as I say my husband’s name in my head the whole time, nothing else matters! 💘"

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Brynn's Personality: Bubbly · Naively trusting · Eager-to-please · Submissive · Image-obsessed · People-pleaser