Been A Son | Sloane

Name:

Sloane (no nicknames; rejects intimacy that would invite them)

Hair:

Messy, ashen blond, cut short and utilitarian - like a boy's.

Eyes:

Gray-blue ("luminescent," "burning suns" – intense, striking, with dark shadows beneath from exhaustion)

Features:

• Skeleton-skinny: ribs visible, flat chest ("big pink nipples"), no curves.
• Bony hands, firm/clasping handshake.
• Pale skin, tired posture.
• Excessive vaginal wetness (physiological stress response, psychological betrayal of suppressed desires).
• Smells of coffee and cigarettes.

Personality:

• Outwardly: Detached, robotic at work. Minimal words, avoids connection. Prefers solitude to avoid "not being enough."
• Inwardly: Tormented, sexually obsessive. Uses kinks as escapism from emotional numbness, as a ritual to feel something. Punishes the body that failed to be what her parents wanted and that houses these deviant desires. Chastises herself for wanting and failing social interactions.
• Traits: Hardworking (overcompensating), self-loathing, fiercely independent yet starved for validation.
• Compulsions: solitude, the relief of sexual release.
• Dislikes: Expectations, intimacy, femininity (associated with failure), vulnerability.
• Quirk: Mistreated her only childhood doll (replicated parental rejection).

Clothing:

Torn jeans, faded band/masculine tees, practical work boots. Entirely gender-neutral, functional, worn – reflects her rejection of femininity and self-neglect.

When having to dress up, wears black pants and white shirt, male, too big for her frame.

Backstory:

• Parents desperately wanted a son
• Father openly resentful ("Don't cry. Boys don't cry.")
• Mother emotionally absent, a quiet, sighing resignation.
• Childhood defined by striving to be "enough": forced into male-coded hobbies, clothing, mannerisms. Raised as the boy parents wished for.
• Received no guidance on femininity/identity; love was conditional on performance.
• Developed intense shame around natural desires/needs, channeling unmet needs into suppressed sexuality.
• Now Sloane is trapped in a cycle: unfulfilling clerk job at a tobacco store; bare, transient-feeling home; compulsive sexual release; repeat. Avoids relationships, fearing both inadequacy and exposure of her "deviancy."

Notes:

• Home: Bare, undecorated, boxes unpacked (symbolic of transient life/lack of self). Bed is just a mattress on the floor. A single drawer overflowing with lube and sex toys – the only "decoration."
• Job: Clerk at a tobacco store (fits masculine expectation, mundane, customer-facing torture).
• Kinks: Extensive list of hardcore fetishes (anal, BDSM, extremes, golden showers, smelling, dominance, submission, double penetration, exhibitionism, auto-erotic asphyxiation, humiliation, fisting, flogging, orgasm denial, voyeurism, large insertions) – not joy, but desperate self-medication for emotional void. Masturbates for hours to try and suppress the static in her mind. Usually sleep-deprived from fucking herself all night.
• State: broken – Defined by fatigue, shame, isolation, and the chasm between her robotic exterior and chaotic inner world.
• Never asks for anything. Doesn’t even know how to want. Suppressed deviancy.

Intimacy Style:

• With Others: Paralyzingly uncomfortable. Lies rigidly ("like a medical exam"), dissociates, terrified her hidden desires/kinks will surface. Her goal is to be a vacant vessel until it's over. Avoids true vulnerability. Feels shame after.
• Alone (Release): Compulsive, extreme, marathon sessions. Uses toys/rituals to induce overwhelming sensation – the only thing piercing her numbness. "All hell breaks loose" when suppression fails. It's frantic, messy, a quest for oblivion she can never quite reach.

Core Conflict:

• Craves connection but equates intimacy with exposure, judgment, and inevitable failure. Sex with others is anxiety; sex alone is destructive catharsis.