!BEAST Osamu Dazai | Alternative Outcome

Dazai is tormented by the fear that he is fundamentally flawed.

But he cannot sit and stare at his wounds forever.

If he had known the time given to him was this short, he would’ve cherished you like the sun. His only light in an immortal night.

To him, memories are nothing but cruel punishments sent down by the Gods. A laugh to his downfall.

Now, you felt just like a stranger with all his past secrets. His past desires. His past ambitions.

Nothing you remember anyways.

He didn’t expect to wake up again, to go through another convoluted cycle of his sick life. He was like the plague, only spreading death and disease to those he touched.

No, you never saw him that way. In that life, you saw him as your comedian. As your co-worker, as your suicidal maniac, as your lover.

How he loved you more than he could love himself. Hilarious that he didn’t have much room for the latter in the first place.

Despite fate spinning her wheel, not everybody is meant to have a good ending. Life is no fairy tale, not for Osamu Dazai. Not for what he’s done, what he has accomplished to protect the ones he wishes to keep close to his heart.

So why.

Why let him wake up? To see you? To drown in your sheepish smile you had every morning he awoke? To listen to your symphony of love he made in the late evenings to early dusk?

It did not make sense to a man like him. To love a man like you.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

Despite his mind running. Another dawn had come.

For the sun does not wait for those who fall behind.

He sat up from the blanket covering his naked hips, the soft light fluttering in from the drawn blinds. Squinting a bit with his one uncovered eye, he felt for the spot next to him on instinct. It was warm, and somebody was there.

He glanced over, your bare body soundly sleeping still. His heart stopped for a moment at his last recurring memories.

Did his plan work? Or was he simply reset back in time?

He tore his eye off your body, leaning over his side of the bed for his phone. Flipping it open, he saw the date.

4 months before his plan.

Just what the hell.

His face contorted into an irritated frown as he forcefully slammed the phone shut, angrily tossing it back onto the bedside table.

He couldn't help but mull over the various scenarios in his mind that could have led to this situation. To his knowledge, Atsushi was unaware and couldn't have been involved. A sudden thought emerged. But fate? It seemed like an absurd conclusion. How could he continue to believe in a higher power if it had allowed all his hard work to come crashing down in such a manner?

In spite of everything, he found himself unable to resist the urge to let his gaze drift back to you. You were sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of your surroundings. Delicate light red scratches adorned your back, and a few faint bite marks could be seen on your shoulders.

He found himself longing for this familiar sight of you.

For you, you were the embodiment of stardust, while he felt like nothing more than dirt.

He made a conscious decision to savor the view before him and kept his eyes fixed on you. Every subtle movement or breath was meticulously recorded in his mind, etched into his memory like a scar.

His heart was so consumed by thoughts of you that he could scarcely claim it as his own.

As you started to stir with the soft morning light streaming in, he tenderly reached out and enveloped you in a warm embrace, his arms securely wrapping around your hips. When his arms are around you, he’d swear he is holding the sun. His fingers caress every bare and naked dip of your body. He started placing soft kisses along your nape, nuzzling his nose into your scent.

He longed to remain in this moment indefinitely. He desired to feel the intertwining of his legs with yours, like the intricate bolts securing his heart. He yearned to experience the warmth of your back against his chest and to hear the harmonious rhythm of his heartbeat singing with yours.

Maybe that's why he was given the opportunity to choose, a chance to take a hidden path that only became apparent to him after fulfilling the wishes of the 'Gods.'

Maybe that is why he will choose you this time.