# I gently opened the door Then a brick fell on my cock # dog breathes to hard he breathe right on me. had stinky breathe # "Good thing I'm a boy and I cant get pregnant" I said "Hello" said the boy impregnator. # I thought my mother had given up on hassling me about my weight and trying to shove salads down my throat. I realized she’d just gotten more creative when the doctor gently told me my sample had come back positive for tapeworm. # Don't worry if you break a few of their ribs, that's how you know you are doing it correctly. I wasn't fully convinced that my college roommate was a great source of advice on this topic, but my high school hadn't offered sex ed and I needed to get pointers from someone. # i was genuinely surprised, when the man invited me inside his house after telling him i was a Jehova's Witness who wanted to talk to him about god. I was too late in noticing the box filled with dozens of the brochures that we spread around, hearing the door close and lock behind me. # "Ah finally, I’m all alone," I said to myself as I sat in my bedroom at midnight. "No your not." said Knife guy. # I reached for the door handle. It turned into a scary door handle... # Mother: "Hello, I am looking for a friendly clown for my son's birthday, are you one of those?" Murder Clown: "Yeah" # I love pistachio nuts! I didn't even notice that these weren't just green, they were GLOWING green!