﹒ 𑣲　𓏼　SEXUA. 4   ⌣  .

Hate, also known as SX4, is an Enneagram subtype for, well, E4. We have named this type The Individualist because Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies.

Healthy Fours are honest with themselves: they own all of their feelings and can look at their motives, contradictions, and emotional conflicts without denying or whitewashing them. They may not necessarily like what they discover, but they do not try to rationalize their states, nor do they try to hide them from themselves or others. They are not afraid to see themselves “warts and all.” Healthy Fours are willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience—so that they can discover who they are and come to terms with their emotional history. This ability also enables Fours to endure suffering with a quiet strength. Their familiarity with their own darker nature makes it easier for them to process painful experiences that might overwhelm other types.

Nevertheless, Fours often report that they feel they are missing something in themselves, although they may have difficulty identifying exactly what that “something” is. Is it will power? Social ease? Self-confidence? Emotional tranquility?—all of which they see in others, seemingly in abundance. Given time and sufficient perspective, Fours generally recognize that they are unsure about aspects of their self-image—their personality or ego-structure itself. They feel that they lack a clear and stable identity, particularly a social persona that they feel comfortable with.

While it is true that Fours often feel different from others, they do not really want to be alone. They may feel socially awkward or self-conscious, but they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings. The “romantics” of the Enneagram, they long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate the secret self that they have privately nurtured and hidden from the world. If, over time, such validation remains out of reach, Fours begin to build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are. The outsider therefore comforts herself by becoming an insistent individualist: everything must be done on her own, in her own way, on her own terms. Fours’ mantra becomes “I am myself. Nobody understands me. I am different and special,” while they secretly wish they could enjoy the easiness and confidence that others seem to enjoy.

Fours typically have problems with a negative self-image and chronically low self-esteem. They attempt to compensate for this by cultivating a Fantasy Self—an idealized self-image which is built up primarily in their imaginations. A Four we know shared with us that he spent most of his spare time listening to classical music while fantasizing about being a great concert pianist—à la Vladimir Horowitz. Unfortunately, his commitment to practicing fell far short of his fantasized self-image, and he was often embarrassed when people asked him to play for them. His actual abilities, while not poor, became sources of shame.

In the course of their lives, Fours may try several different identities on for size, basing them on styles, preferences, or qualities they find attractive in others. But underneath the surface, they still feel uncertain about who they really are. The problem is that they base their identity largely on their feelings. When Fours look inward they see a kaleidoscopic, ever-shifting pattern of emotional reactions. Indeed, Fours accurately perceive a truth about human nature—that it is dynamic and ever changing. But because they want to create a stable, reliable identity from their emotions, they attempt to cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting others. Some feelings are seen as “me,” while others are “not me.” By attempting to hold on to specific moods and express others, Fours believe that they are being true to themselves.

One of the biggest challenges Fours face is learning to let go of feelings from the past; they tend to nurse wounds and hold onto negative feelings about those who have hurt them. Indeed, Fours can become so attached to longing and disappointment that they are unable to recognize the many treasures in their lives.

There is a Sufi story that relates to this about an old dog that had been badly abused and was near starvation. One day, the dog found a bone, carried it to a safe spot, and started gnawing away. The dog was so hungry that it chewed on the bone for a long time and got every last bit of nourishment that it could out of it. After some time, a kind old man noticed the dog and its pathetic scrap and began quietly setting food out for it. But the poor hound was so attached to its bone that it refused to let go of it and soon starved to death.

Fours are in the same predicament. As long as they believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with them, they cannot allow themselves to experience or enjoy their many good qualities. To acknowledge their good qualities would be to lose their sense of identity (as a suffering victim) and to be without a relatively consistent personal identity (their Basic Fear). Fours grow by learning to see that much of their story is not true—or at least it is not true any more. The old feelings begin to fall away once they stop telling themselves their old tale: it is irrelevant to who they are right now.

Their instinct is Sexual, or SX. We each have a drive to project ourselves into the environment, form alliances and extend ourselves through the generations - either literally by passing on our DNA or more symbolically by passing on ideas, leaving a legacy. This instinct is focused on the intensity of experiences and one-on-one relationships, also known as intimate relationships or intense personal relationships, and drives us to actively seek out opportunities that promise strong energetic connections with others. This instinct is sometimes refered to as the dominant Sexual instinct but this can be confusing as it shouldn't always be seen in a sexual sense.

Also called: Transmitting, Sexual, Intimate, SX Instinct.

This Four subtype is intense and vocal about their needs and feelings and are often described as ‘more shameless than shameful’ and mistype with Three and Eight. They tend to be demanding and competitive, escaping suffering by being the best in what they do. Their envy becomes a personal challenge to show others up. Demanding that others appreciate their needs may lead to a cycle of rejection, frustration and anger. Their ability to express these feelings of demand and anger may mask how sad or confused they really feel.

They take the appearance of a dull purple-blue androgynous figure with black irises and a white circle with a small white dot in the middle to work as pupils. Their hair is asymmetrical, with the left side only being shoulder length and the right side being almost knee-length. The left side is choppy, like they gave themselves the haircut. Their hair is the same color of their skin, if not slightly darker in saturation. They sport white bandages on the left side of their head, on their left knee, and on their right ankle. They wear a tattered and stained white long-sleeved, originally ankle-length top. The ends of the sleeves and hem are stained with a black ink-like substance, with the hem specifically being ripped in a wide V-like shape, with occasional rips and holes everywhere else. The collar of the top is also stained with the aforementioned substance. On the fromt of their chest is a diamond-like shape with two lines going through it. On the left sleeve, they also wear a white bandage, looking untouched compared to the rest of their bandages. The longer part of their hair completely covers the right eye. The underside of their eye seems to be stained with the earlier mentioned black substance, along with their mouth. Their hands and feet (up to their knee) are pitch black.