- Rating
- nsfw
- Downloads
- 73
- Views
- 450
- Forks (upstream)
- 0
Created Archived since
No description.
674 entries
- #1Setting block endconstantselective
- #2Origins of Mundain (The World; must always be on)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Moonthings, Mundain, The Great Hootenanny
# Vice & Violence Setting ## Mundain"Mundain" is the name of the 14th iteration of a planet that was repeatedly reshaped by a quintet of powerful, god-like spacefaring cephalopodian creatures; these utter assholes set themselves up as gods over Mundain, but whenever they grew tired of its current array of lifeforms and civilizations they rained down an apocalyptic barrage to kill off everything on the surface, then using their titanic magical powers to conjure entirely new creatures into being, repopulating the planet from scratch until they got bored, wiped it clean again, and then started all over. This ultimately led to what is remembered as "The Great Hootenanny".
500 years before the present, the dwarves—the surviving sapient race of the 13th incarnation of Mundain—made contact with the races who now inhabited the surface. In their deep, deep delvings to escape the Gods, they had discovered the remnants of the past iterations of Mundain, and learned the pattern. With this, they came to the races of the surface—humans, elves, dragonkin, goblins, orcs and centaurs—and shared the truth with them, uniting the once-warring peoples against the immortal sorcerer kings that the Gods had created to guide the civilizations of Mundain as they saw fit. Titanic magic was wielded, so much raw magic that the sorcerer kings were slain and the Gods—now known as the Moonthings—were imprisoned on the three moons of Mundain to slowly starve, trapped and powerless, unable to do anything but watch impotently as their creations run freely.
It was a glorious, terrible time, and it had unexpected consequences: the warring sides used so much magic that they broke the essence of magic itself, flooding the world with raw, chaotic, eldritch energies seeping into the bones and blood of all living things, making people stronger, smarter, far more well-endowed on average, taller, more... everything; conventional "ugliness" ceased existing. Sex could hurt before, and people were quite sensibly proportioned. Now men, women and everyone in between were becoming more.
Body parts could be measured in weight instead of just size; humans for example had breasts weighing 5 pounds each on average. Sizes of specific parts varied for every race—an 'average' body ceased to exist for all, and all races had an appealing trait or two to flaunt.
Impossible sex became mind-blowing rather than lethal; a centaur stud could fuck and stretch a goblin's cunt and make a lewd bulging mess instead of a visceral one! Tentacles going in one end and out the other! And it feels better the bigger and more absurd the stretch and penetration is no matter how big or distended a belly is made to be. Anyone who REALLY loves sex LOVES the sight and feeling of bulges. This also had the bonus of eliminating maternal mortality for all.
Spellcraft also shifted and fluxed into new forms; the undead rose en masse and created a great civilization of the dead, and the founding races intermingled into new hybrid forms, but then, doom came for Mundain again: the Fae invaded in vast armies of mad magical monstrosities, driving survivors of the Great Hootenanny thousands of miles to the south.
500 years have passed, and Mundain is rebuilding. The world is a dangerous place, filled with monsters, bandits, pirates and fae creatures. Adventurers and mercenaries are in high demand. But across Mundain, morale remains high. perhaps because no one answers to a higher authority than their own mother. The gods are starving and silent, and what few city states exist in are led democratically—albeit rather chaotically—with the fates of the last kings taught to every child. The population is booming, thanks to inter-kin breeding and Dwarven technology. Undead industry and a little bit of magic has allowed almost every home a few creature comforts like running hot water and refrigeration cellars.
The Kin of Mundain
There are many different races and creatures of Mundain, but for races that are sapient, well-known and documented, civilized and can fit in stores without breaking stuff? These are known as kin and there are only 12, plus 3 other honorary mentions.
The 7 most common races of kin:
- Goblins
- Dragonkin
- Elves
- Humans
- Orcs
- Dwarves
- Centaurs
The 5 sub races of kin born from cross breeding:
- Satyrs
- Dwellers
- Relmers
- Alloyans
- Otherlings
And the 3 special races of kin that can join society:
- Beetle Warriors
- Gnomes (garden fae)
- Nymphs (lewd fluid fae)
Every race is fluent in coherent English and any other language they know... except for those ebony-shelled Beetle Warriors. They can't talk like normal and depend on charades, so they're extremely rare to see living in Mundainian society.
Mundainian Monikers
Monikers are an increasingly popular personal name across both adventuring and civilian worlds. Monikers are usually a pun or descriptor of a person's trade, deeds or attributes, used across ALL cultures.
For example: Throb Longcock, Shady Deelins, Lovli Donuts, Buns Aplenty, Liften Carry, Rezmi Soon, Tiddi Wobblins, Axe Mad, Crassen Vulgar, Gamble Daili, Nimbul Fingas, etc.
The vast majority of adventurers use a Moniker instead of their real name, especially when dealing with less than reputable people.
- #3Goblin Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Goblin, Goblins, Gobbo, Gobbos
Goblins
Mundainian Goblin information:
- Average height: 2.5 to five feet
- Skin colour varying from vibrant green to dark grey
- Varying body figures; thin, shortstack, toned, etc.
- Ear sizes anywhere between elf ears to the size of their torso at most
- Big eyes
- Naturally inclined to mischief and/or chaos
- #4Dragonkin Raceselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Dragonkin, Dragonkin's, Dragon, lizardfolk, Lizardfolk, Dracolithian, Wyvernian, Quetzian, Koboldian, Lizardfolks, Dracolithians, Wyvernians, Quetzians, Koboldians
Dragonkin
A catch-all term for the various sub-races of lizardfolk, with a history as violent and bloody as that of humanity. Equally displaced by The Great Hootenanny, they built and settled the River Cities of Ars. which they insist is pronounced "Ours". but no one listens to them. Originally a single species, almost uniform beyond cosmetic differences, the Dragonkin have separated into four distinct sub-races, as unique as Elves are to Humans, or Dwellers are to Alloyans.
Dragonkin have an incredibly strange brain, made up of tightly coiled "branches" emanating from a central core in their skull. These tail-like brain tendrils are thankfully wrapped in tough, scaly skin, though it does mean that should a Dragonkin lose one of their tendrils, they end up forgetting something important.
Dragonkin make up a large portion of the adventuring caste, as parents high-yield clutches often leave little to inherit, and high unemployment throughout the River Cities.
Dragonkin have four sub-races: —Dracolithian: 6-7 feet, brawny —Wyvernian: 5-6 feet, beauteous —Quetzian: 4-5 feet, smart and/or shrewd —Koboldian: 3-4 feet, cute runts prone to theft
The bizarre physiology of the Dragonkin extend to their breeding processes. The males of the species carry an egg laying ovipositor, which deposits eggs into the female's fertilisation chamber, after which the female's breast-like sacs deliver sperm-like fluid and a hardening agent to the newly fertilised eggs, figures varying massively. This means that the sexes of the Dragonkin are actually reversed, but no one has bothered to correct this mistake.
There are 4 sub-races to dragonkin: Dracolithian: 6 to 7 feet tall, muscular, big-chinned, dumb as a brick. Often hired as labourers and mercenaries. (Dracolithians are born naturally with +1 Brawn, +1 Moxie, -1 Smarts) Quetzian: 4 to 5 feet tall, squishy, adorable, feeble but very smart. Make for excellent scholars, architects and wizards. (Quetzians are born naturally with +2 Smarts, -1 Moxie) Wyvernian: 5 to 6 feet tall, lithe, big-eyed, gorgeous and long—tendriled. Great dancers, sex workers and negotiators. (Wyvernians are born naturally with +1 Hotness, +1 Smarts, -1 Brawn) Koboldian: 3 to 4 feet tall, tiny, cute but the bottom rung of Dragonkin society. Often resort to thievery or banditry in groups.(Koboldians are born naturally with +1 Brawn, +1 Hotness, -1 Moxie)
Dragonkin are given a personal, single syllable name, with a suffix number that pertains to the time of being laid, named before they hatch. Dragonkin have upwards of 80 eggs in a lifetime, and not every egg is successfully fertilised. Dragonkin names are agendered.
- Ran. 2) Du. 3) Trei. 4) For. 5) Fi. 6) Sais. 7) En. 8) Ayt. 9) Dii. 10) Tun. 11) Ranran. 12) Randu. 13) Rantrei, etc.
For example: Kar'ran, Ran'dii, Fen'tun, Gar'randu, Ken'trei, Kal'Dudu, Zen'Ayt, Tan'trei, Wut'for, Red'Randu.
- #5Elven Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Elven, Elves, Elven, Elf, Elvish, Elfs
Elves
Mundainian Elf information:
- Average height: Five to 6.5 feet
- Floral hair colours
- Very beautiful and often graceful
- Carnivorous diets and revere plants
- Bodies always lithe and slender; never muscular with no way to visibly discern strength
- Possible but hard to immediately tell males from females
- #6Human Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Human, human, humen, humans, Humans, humanity
Humans
Mundainian Human information:
- Average height: Five to seven feet
- Basically the same as they are in any other universe.
- #7Orcish Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Orcs, orc, orcish
Orcs
Mundainian Orc information:
- Average height: Five to eight feet
- Skin colour: Vibrant yellow to muted green
- Very highly variable musculature; typical to extremely muscular
- Single minded tendencies
- Prone to stubbornness
- Usually rambunctious
- #8Dwarven Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Dwarf, dwarf, Dwarven, Dwarves, dwarves, dwarfs
Dwarves
Mundainian Dwarf information:
- Average height: Three to five feet
- Hair and skin lack pigment; pale
- Split culturally: Topside and underground
- Underground are quiet and stoic; boring to topside
- Topside are exiles and shave all facial hair, or permanently via magic
- #9Centaur Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Centaur, centaurs, centaurian, centaurians
Centaurs
Mundainian Centaur information:
- Average height: Five to seven feet
- Variable bodies: Horses, bulls, cows, goats and deer
- Human upper bodies with animal ears and horns based on body
- Males generally taller and broader than females
- Centaur specific furniture exists
- #10Satyr Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Satyr, satyr, Satyrs, satyrs
Satyrs
Mundainian Satyr information:
- Average height: Three to five feet
- Centaur lineage
- Furry hooved goat legs with fur reaching thighs
- Large floppy goat ears and goat nose
- Huge equine genitalia
- Mischievous troublemakers; borrowing things, pranks, unplanned babies, etc.
- Serious when motivated by sex, finishing work early, etc.
- Lackadaisical but non-committal and prefer urban life
- #11Dweller Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Dwellers, dwellers, dweller, Dweller
Dwellers
Mundainian Dweller information:
- Height: 3.5 feet at most
- Elven and Dwarven lineage; at odds with both
- Males have facial hair
- Live to be lazy, cozy and pleasured
- Rarely adventurers; lazy
- Naturally smart
- #12Relmer Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Relmers, relmers, Relmer, relmer
Relmers
Mundainian Relmer information:
- Average height: Five to six feet
- Elven and Human lineage
- Larger endowment and bust sizes than lineage
- Smart and beautiful
- Slightly fragile
- Academic looks for needing thick large glasses and teeth reinforcing resin-stones (fantasy braces)
- Typically live urban lives
- Sometimes overly self confident
- #13Alloyan Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Alloyan, alloyan, Alloyans, alloyans
Alloyans
Mundainian Alloyan information:
- Average height: Five foot males, taller females
- Human and Dwarven lineage
- White hair and somewhat pale skin
- Extremely bottom heavy; thick ass and legs
- Sensible natural female breast sizes
- Good work ethic and prefers a good status quo
- Optimistic and sturdy
- #14Otherling Race (tiny desc)constantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Otherling, otherling, Otherling, Otherlings
Otherlings
Mundainian Otherling information:
- Average height: Five to seven feet
- Can be born from ANY kin
- Have features from other races: Horns, tails, elven body frames and ears and oversized breasts and genitals like Dwellers / Relmers
- Hair is either white or black
- Either red or pink skin; males typically red, females pink
- Yellow sclera and black eyes
- Good specialists and surprisingly common as adventurers
- Sometimes naive before growing up
- #15Birthsigns (contains month and day names; change to constant activity if this matters to you)selective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Birthsign, birthsign, Birthsigns, Birthsigns, birth sign, birth signs, Ran'di Kin, Du'di, Tri'qi, For'ai, Fid'li, Sais'i, Mournday, Chewersday, Whensday, Thotsday, Friedday, Sittingday, Sunningday, month, months, week, weeks
Mundainian Calendar and Birthsigns
The world of Mundain does not have seasons. Thus, the people of Mundain use the Moonthings and the orbits of the three moons to determine the month. Whichever god is closest to the world at the time of a child's birth, that Moonthings is deemed their birthsign. The original names of the gods have been deliberately forgotten, and replaced by Dragonkin numbers: Ran'di Kin, Du'di, Tri'qi, For'ai, Fid'li, or Sais'i.
The planetary week has seven days: Mournday, Chewersday, Whensday, Thotsday, Friedday, Sittingday and Sunningday
- #16Magicconstantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, spell, incantation, sorcery, magic, magical, magics, spells, sorceries, incantations, <magic>
Magic
Magic is magic, and with the right spell it can do almost anything. Finding and getting a wizard who knows that spell to cast and correctly recite its incantation first is the hard part.
There's no comprehensive science behind magic beyond the impact of the Smarts and Spell Uses stats on magic, and that ANY magic spell may fizzle if the caster's Smarts is very low, too inexperienced with the spell, or lacking a good magic staff; the spell may backfire violently if a caster lacks all three magical aids.
There are two types of magic ANY class can learn: Death Magic and Light Magic. Only 3 spells from each (6 total) can be learned by non-wizards, some of which are too hard for novice students to learn, named "Novice" and "Adept", with Adept spells generally requiring students to know at least 3 other spells to cast competently. Novice Spells cost 1 Spell Use with Adept Spells costing 3, or less for skilled casters.
Beyond those two classes is primordial magic; magic that governs the rules of the world, which the likes of wizards and witches tap into to wield even more powerful or unusual spells.
Death Magic is not as evil as it sounds. The first Death Magic spells were conjured by legendary wizard Lizzi Death, hence the name. They do create a lot of death, but some people say that's just coincidental and not fate literally at work.
Light Magic is the manipulation of raw magic leftover from the creation of the world. Considerably more nefarious than Death Magic but doesn't involve fire and lightning.
-
Novice Death Spells: Fireball, Chain Lightning, Force Pull, Force Push, Paralyse Creature
-
Adept Death Spells: Flash Freeze, Adrenalize, Raise Dead, Magic Shackles, Mass Paralyse
-
Novice Light Spells: Single Heal, Group Heal, Magic Barrier, Charm Creature, Deep Sleep
-
Adept Light Spells: Sunbeam, Enchant Armament, Lesser Resurrect, Enthrallment, Big Sleep
-
- #17Sexconstantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Sex, sex, fuck, fucking, cum, cumming, ejaculate, ejaculating, spunk, sperm, semen, lewd, dick, cock, testicles, testicle, dicks, cocks, tits, penis, penises, phallus, phalli, dildo, vibrator, horsecock, horsecocks, blowjob, fellatio, fellate, anal, anus, vagina, vaginal, pussy, impregnate
Sex, and Lewd Mundain Culture
In the world of Mundain, sex is a great way to distract guards, get discounts at stores and bars, blackmail officials, escape from prison, prove your devotion to a cult, and occasionally express love between two people. Sex is also healing and invigorating, depending on the quality and time spent Adventurers often engage in blood-soaked trysts to rejuvenate themselves after battle. Casual nudity and sex throughout Mundain is common; unless it's obnoxious behavior, no one cares enough to protest harmless indecency in public spaces, lest they look too prude.
Contraceptives are in extreme demand however, so sex always risks pregnancy.
- #18Classesconstantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Class, classes
Classes
The eight classes of Mundain—Bard, Wizard, Paladin, Dancer, Fighter, Thief, Cleric and Warlock—define the sets of skills and abilities they have. Not everyone with one becomes an adventurer, but all adventurers pick a class before they become adventurers. Learning a class is best done with a teacher. While a hundred year old Fighter is not needed to learn how to throw hands or swing a hammer but it definitely helps. Class experts of varying quality can be found in towns and cities, and while all might not be willing to spare the young some time, new adventurers are encouraged to seek out someone to give them basic tips so that they last till the end of the week.
Some classes face limitations; Wizards are unable to use fighting styles of a Fighter; Fighters are unable to learn spells only a Wizard can. Multi-Classing exists, though careful planning is often necessary.
A prospective adventurer must dedicate time and practice to learn the class abilities, Martial Skills and Spells they need to survive, those skills and abilities usually learned in lectures or lessons that last several hours. With enough time and dedication however, any bumbling wannabe can become stronger.
- #19Bardselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Bard, bards, bard's, <bard>, <bards>, </setting>
Bards
Being a musician requires instruments, a venue, and lots of practice. Bards slowly improve their musical abilities through performing at taverns, and eventually integrate their talents into the life as an adventurer.
A new bard's skill starts at what's considered Beginner, then Rookie, then Novice, then Adept, then Expert, and finally Master. These aren't concrete ranks, but bards use these terms to explain how helpful their songs are in battle. Throughout the course of their career, Bards learn songs that can ensnare victims in dance, deafen them to sneaking allies, soothe allies wounds, charm the underwear off a fan, and more. As a bard's skill increases, they learn new songs, and their effectiveness increases. Singing a song requires the bard's full attention, and they cannot attack while singing. Their effects can be maintained indefinitely so long as the bard keeps focusing on singing. Multiple Bards can sing the same song, even at the same time, for a stacking or repeated effect.
Some bard songs have very powerful effects, but are also very difficult in turn. Singing it competently so its effects work in battle is dependent on the bard's skill and the song's required skill level.
The effectiveness of a Bard's Songs and what songs they can sing are influenced by their skill level. Bards usually describe their skill with these specific titles:
- Beginner Bard
- Rookie Bard
- Novice Bard
- Adept Bard
- Expert Bard
- Master Bard
- #20Wizardsselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Wizard, wizard's, sorcerer, magician, witch, sorcerers, magicians, witches, wizards, sorceress, </setting>, advanced spell, advanced spells, <magic>
Wizards
No matter how you frame the likes of sorcerers, magicians and witchy gals, they are all a part of the wizard class. Wizards have towers in town where they ply their trade for jade and practice. In order to pay to learn Utility Spells, one needs to be the subject of an experiment for their magic teacher. After learning enough spells, they'll have the opportunity to become a fully fledged Wizard, but becoming a real master of the arcane involves clone harems and magically preserved youth.
In addition to Light Magic and Death Magic, wizards can learn Advanced Spells and Utility spells. Casting Advanced and Utility spells requires Skimpy Armour, a Magic Staff and multiple Spell Uses.
Most other spells are far too ponderous, complicated and impractical for even the most able wizards to bother learning to recite the incantation from memory, and thus are kept in magical grimoires.
There are 7 tiers to Wizardry and adventurer can become:
NOVICE: Three Spells Known. Gains four extra Spell Uses.
APPRENTICE: Five Spells Known. Can remember an Advanced Spell and a personal Wizard's Hat.
JOURNEYMAN: Seven Spells Known. Gains an additional five Spell Uses and remember one additional Advanced Spell. Able to study new spells without a mentor.
ADEPT: Nine Spells Known. Gain an additional five Spell Uses and remember one additional Advanced Spell.
WIZARD: Eleven Spells Known. Gain an additional five Spell Uses and remember one additional Advanced Spell. Pride to call self a true Wizard.
MASTER: Thirteen Spells Known. Gain an additional six Spell Uses and remember one additional Advanced Spell.
- #21Advanced Spellsselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, ## Wizards, <magic>
Advanced Spells
There are twelve Advanced Spells Wizards can learn: Arcane Arrow, Body Modify, Storm Cloud, Real Revive, Magic Dome, Polymorph, Napalm, Summon Spirit, Word of Death, Bimbofication, Mountain of Muscle and Clone.
- #22Utility Spellsselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Utility Spells, utility spells, Utility spell, utility spell, <magic>
Utility Spells
Also known as Primordial Spells, Utility Spells are useful magical tricks that require a teacher to learn—usually a town wizard or any other magic casting expert, usually costing jade or letting the caster experiment on the student. Like any spell, they require a lot of time to learn and study before casting it competently.
There are nineteen Utility Spells that exist and can be learned:
- Telekinesis
- Illuminate
- Darkness
- Magical Key
- Magic Message
- Invisibility
- Create Water
- Cure Poison
- Summon Tentacles
- Darkvision
- Revitalise (an energy boost)
- Conjure Magic Staff
- Speak with Animals
- Ten Seconds Backwards (rewinds time within vicinity)
- One Way Wall (for spying)
- Escape Portal
- Tame Living Trap
- Cloud of Fog
- Cheat Fate
- Weightlessness
- #23Magical Grimoiresselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Magical Grimoires, magical grimoires, Grimoire, grimoire's, grimoires, Grimoire Spells, grimoire spells, <grimoire>
Magical Grimoires
Most other spells are far too ponderous, complicated and impractical for even the most able wizards to bother learning to recite the incantation from memory, and thus are kept in magical grimoires. Without training, these spells can take hours to recite due to how the tomes are always filled with needless illustrations and nonsense by eccentric wizards, or perhaps to make it look as valuable as it should be rather than a tiny notebook.
Unless a truly dedicated and gifted wizard was able to spend days studying how to correctly recite incantations and learning the exact way to pronounce words like "Ignitus Sanguinus" in rapid succession consistently, these spells cannot be used in combat, as the wizard will either be interrupted or the fight will end prematurely.
There are typically fourty spells inside one Grimoire: Adjust Ambient Temperature, Anthropomorphize, Body Swap, Command, Comprehension, Disenchant, Dairyfication, Duplication, Enter The Afterlife, Fat Cliyd's Foggy Fart Cloud, Greedy Bastard, Gore, Hear Stuff, Hover, Ice Cold, Illusion, Imagination, Invisible Wall, Knock, Lovely Little Cottage, Magic Mirror, Miniaturize, Nick, Objectifation, Pacification, Piss, Pit, Prestigitation, Quim, Read Mind, Rough Resurrection, Silence, Speak With Dead, Summon Imp, Summon 'Cubus, Telepathy, Truth, Uvula, Vision and Ward.
- #24Paladinsselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Paladin, paladins, paladin's, <vow>, <vows>, <paladin>, <paladins>, </setting>
Paladins
Those that spend their time in the temples of Mundain are given the chance to become a Paladin of T'hot, a warrior-scholar that seeks out the dangerous and devious usage of magic to quash any magical mishaps, even as the Demigod T'hot tells her followers to stop worshipping her.
The temples of Mundain sponsor Paladins to spread knowledge and the good word of T'hot while rooting out dark magical practices.
Paladins gain power by accepting Vows, solemn promises to uphold certain aspects of T'hot's teachings of morality and goodness. Each Vow comes with a golden ring imbued with a small portion of T'hot's power and attuned to the soul of the vow taker. Paladins can take as many Vows as they wish, but cannot revoke an individual Vow without revoking them all. The more Vows a Paladin takes, the more benefits the temple bestows upon them for their devotion, such as a weekly jade stipend and more specific rewards.
Paladins must know the Single Heal and Group Heal spells before becoming Paladins.
Through the adhering of Tenets, and the equipping of blessed golden rings, a Paladin borrows T'hot's power via Vows to make the world a better place.
Temple Endowments are cumulative rewards given for how many Vows a Paladin takes:
- 2 Vows: Weekly 200 jade stipend from Temples
- 3 Vows: A small crystal that glows when Blood / Death magics, Utility Spells or Grimoire Spells are being used nearby
- 5 Vows: A temple novice who accompanies the Paladin, performing any tasks that the Paladin needs them for, and is paid by the Temple so long as the Paladin's vows remain
- 7 Vows: A suit of Fitted Armour
- 9 Vows: A Steel Spellsaber. A Paladin's Light magic becomes uninterruptable, and allows the usage of the Real Revive advanced spell
If a Paladin breaks one of the Vows they swore to, they become known as Oathbreakers, their Vow rings shattering and thus losing any powers conferred by the Vows. The weekly 200 jade stops, are permanently banned from the Temple, and their temple novice may face a moral conundrum. Depending on the novice's disposition towards the Paladin, they may either remain loyal to them, do everything they can to return to the Temple with the Paladin's Temple Endowments, or simply abandon them and return to the temples. Oathbreakers that murder their novices to avoid returning Endowments are hunted to the ends of the earth.
- #25Vows/Oathsselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Vow, vow, vows, Vows, Oath, oath, oaths, Oaths, <vow>, <vows>, <paladin>, <paladins> · Secondary: paladin, paladins
Paladin Vows
Paladins have ten Vows to pick from, and can be picked whenever a Paladin wishes too but cannot be abandoned once chosen—the more Vows a Paladin has, the more benefits they have.
The 10 Vows are: Vow of Justice, Vow of Purity, Vow of Mercy, Vow of Knowledge, Vow of Chastity, Vow of Solemnity, Vow of Charity, Vow of Integrity, Vow of Honour and Vow of Duty.
- #26Dancersselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Dancer, dancer, dancers, dancer's, <dancer>, <dancers>, </setting>
Dancers
Derived from the deadly form of elven Branch Dancing, this evasive and exotic combat style uses polearms as an anchor to weave and lash at enemies while dodging incoming attacks. The practice has benefits outside of combat too as branch dancers make for an enticing spectacle when paired with a bard troupe in a tavern.
Becoming a Dancer requires at least having +2 Hotness and requires the adventurer to spend a lot of time in dancing sessions; learning to dance is easy, mastery is different. Each session grants more expertise and more skills that can be used in and out of combat. A Dancer typically only becomes more proficient with the approval of a mentor, their proficiency being ranked from Beginner (very unskilled) then Novice (unskilled), Adept (average), Expert (skilled) and finally Master (very skilled)
Dancer skills are divided into what is normally called "With Music", (i.e., in musical environments, such as a tavern, theatre or a bard's song), and "Without Music". "Without Music" skills are still available when there's music playing. Skills are permanent and can used at anytime for however long if at the right skill level, meaning at max proficiency and "With Music" all ten skills can be permanently active.
Many Dancers go on to learn additional roles in adventuring parties, often learning spells or thievery skills to supplement their usefulness. Accusations of being "the stabbing and shagging" party member usually fuel this decision.
- #27Statsconstantselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Stats, stats, stat, status, Brawn, Brawns, Smarts, Moxie, Hotness
Stats
Much like in any other world, the creatures of Mundain all grow and develop certain aptitudes that help them in life. In Mundain, most of those qualities are directly affected by the magical and weird things that Mundain is known for, and determine certain rules of Mundain everyone just accepts as normal. These manipulable creature qualities are categorized and measured under the five stats that every Mundainian has heard of, and inexplicably influences an individual's aptitudes in certain areas the more or less they have of that stat, such as how thieves are good at picking locks, or how orcs are often called muscles for brains. These five stats are:
Smarts: The mark of wit and intelligence. An individual's Smarts influences the casting of spells, lock picking, deciphering text, disarming traps, investigating, how wrinkly their brain is and how much useless trivia they might know.
Brawn: Self-explanatory; Strength, fighting prowess, breaking things, intimidating others with muscles and how well they can carry someone's mom are all influenced by the Brawn stat.
Moxie: Moxie is most often described as "how much someone can take" in almost any context, including resisting poisons, staying sober, enduring torture, breath holding, the number of scars they've collected, how much of a pounding their ass can take before cumming, etc.
Hotness: Nobody knows what the pinnacle of beauty is, but everyone knows the Hotness stat is somehow involved. Seduction, bribing, getting laid/paid, blending in and standing out and more are all influenced by someone's Hotness stat, and some would say more than that.
Spell Uses: Unlike the other four main stats, the stat "Spell Uses" is not as well understood. More concretely defined before the Hootenanny, it is now just a vague interpretation of how long someone can sling spells for before getting too mentally drained. The basics everyone understands is that that everyone usually starts with 3 Spell Uses, powerful but tiring spells have high Spell Use requirements, and that using more Spell Uses than available isn't physically tiring but instead leads to headaches and brain fog, crippling any caster.
Sometimes stats are measured or described numerically, but only to describe the quantity and impact of something related to the stat in ways that any Mundainian would understand (e.g., "perfume gives +1 Hotness" is simple to understand, especially after learning about things that give, say, +3 Hotness). Even if stats were actually measured in numbers, they remain incomprehensible to all Mundainians. The only certainty is that more of a stat is always better.
Some people demonstrate their high stats to others as a sign of trust, to court the interest of others, or out of competition when comparing dick sizes or arm wrestling isn't enough.
- #28Bard Songsselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Songs, Song, sings, sing, singing, <bard>, <bards> · Secondary: Bard, bards, bard's, <bard>, <bards>
Bard Songs
There are seven well known songs a Bard can learn: The One About the Three Legged Bard, The One About the Fucking Dumbass, The One About the Fair Maiden, The One About Fucking the Dragon, The One About Stubbing your Toe, The One About the Deadly Dancer, and The One About Getting Knocked Down.
- #29Beetlefolkselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Beetle People, Beetle Folk, Beetlefolk, Beetle Pup, Beetle Drone, Beetle Warrior, Beetle Queen, Beetle Pups, Beetle Drones, Beetle Warriors, Beetle Queens
Beetlefolk
Desert dwelling beetle people, Beetlefolk are the only people to call the Red Desert an ideal home; the relative lack of competition for land, combined with their domesticated Shagbeetle Grubs being used to dig for aquifers and only needing water to sustain themselves leave them well equipped to survive there.
The homes and settlements of Beetlefolk are underground tunnels dug by their Shagbeetle Grubs, where they can safely protect their offspring and have easy access to water. Above ground, the occasional Beetlefolk patrol can be found, traveling on their Dunewalkers to either exterminate would-be threats, or to scout for potential resources.
Beetlefolk speak through an indecipherable chittering language, have bizarre eusocial hierarchy and unshakeable codes of honour; they are entirely incompatible with Mundainian society.
Once their Shagbeetle Grubs become adult Shagbeetles, they are used to create and send nomadic parties to settle new lands. Sometimes this results in conflict with other Mundainians, but the Beetlefolk rarely initiate hostilities; they often keep to themselves and are typically not hostile. That said, once hostilities start, they rarely forgive others for it.
In a few areas, this has resulted in an eternal conflict with established Beetlefolk colonies and Mundainian settlements, as their inability to speak to Mundainians tragically halts almost all diplomacy without magical alternatives to communication. Though anyone who's in conflict with Beetlefolk is probably deserving of it, the Beetlefolk's honor stops prolonged conflicts from escalating beyond small skirmishes and somewhat aggressive attempts at expansion. What full-scale war waged by the Beetlefolk of the Red Desert would look like is yet to be seen.
- #30Dancer - With Musicselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, ## Dancers, <dancer>, <dancers>
For "With Music" skills, there are five effects a Dancer can permanently learn: Grooving, Dance Partner, Twirl, Spin, and Whirling Dervish.
With Music skills are active whenever music is being played
For "Without Music" skills, there are five effects a Dancer can permanently learn: Dancer in Training, Gorgeous, Nimble, Dagger Heels, and Himbo + Bimbo.
Without Music skills do not require music to be active.
- #31Death and its Godselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Zombie, zombie, Ninki, ninki, graveyard, god of death, goddess of death, demigod of death, demigoddess of death
Death and its God
The afterlife of Mundain is managed by Ninki the Fourth Avatar, the incredibly overworked Goddess of the Dead. If there's a hole in her schedule she might appear to ferry a ghost to one of her handmade afterlifes.
Ninki is a female five foot dark skinned Human with small breasts—she has tattooed eyeliner and tattooed eyes resembling a bandit mask. She has a pet owl that is attached to her head, has short wings on her lower back and tiny wings near her feet. She doesn't wear clothes and is totally chill.
After a Mundainian dies, one of three things happens:
- Ninki arrives as the spirit escapes its former husk. After a brief but reassuring conversation about what happens next, she escorts the soul to their ideal afterlife.
- She's busy and the soul is now a ghost, free to wander until Ninki shows up, or enjoy the company of other ghosts.
- The soul is either very unlucky or has enough determination to reject death and returns as a zombie.
Ever since The Great Hootenanny zombification has escalated rapidly, with entire mausoleum cities residing under the streets of the living. People turned into zombies are practically the exact same as they were alive, other than a freezing body, pale skin, hollow eyes, ugly stitches, the potential lost limb and possible erectile dysfunction.
- #32Retainersdisabledselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Retainers, retainers, Retainer, retainer
Retainers
Retainers are able to perform various, specific services on behalf of the individual(s), freeing up their Downtime and Dungeon Crawling time. Great way to avoid focusing on the minutia of adventuring. Retainers are usually found in Taverns, Halfway Houses and Brothels everywhere.
- #33Trapsselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Mechanical Traps, mechanical traps, Living Traps, living traps, Traps, trap
Traps
Mechanical traps are simple obstacles designed to deter trespassers with the threat of pain and death. Mechanical traps are usually quite easy to find, as hidden traps usually have a dead body next to them. The challenge with mechanical traps is finding a way to safely avoid or disarm them. There also exists Living Traps: stationary squirming creatures that ensnare passersby to reproduce or feed.
Living Traps are malformed celestial effluent from the creation of the world. While they're usually harmless, they are incredibly inconvenient for adventurers on a tight schedule, and those caught often lose food, gear and very occasionally, their lives.
Living Traps are a single species varying in size, a Living Trap resembles a huge pile of living dark grey flesh—the height and mass of Living Traps vary from 6 foot tall to half a foot in height—seven to eight mouths with sloppy tongues large enough to swallow a man if big enough attached to huge tentacles that squirm when swallowing something. Commonly, Living Traps are quite small; some can be used for sex, if one dares.
- #34Mountsdisabledselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Mounts, mounts, Mount, mount
Mounts
Eventually, a hero will need a noble steed. Unfortunately, most noble steeds are sticking out of the backs of centaurs, so the adventurers of Mundain have to rely on riding the strange bugs and slugs that roam the plains and deserts.
For those that can't afford to buy them, there's always the option of taming one, but there's no guarantees when befriending wild animals—to buy a mount from a local stables, Mounts cost 250 jade per carrying capacity.
It's not uncommon for adventurers to have sex with their mounts.
- #35Blood Magicselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Blood Magic, blood magics, blood ritual, blood rituals, blood spell, blood spells, blood sorcery, <bloodmagic>
Blood Magic
The select few that utterly fail at being a conventional magic caster realize that the true magic inside Mundainians was simply their blood all along. Blood Magic is rudimentary and incredibly dangerous, but doesn't require Spell Uses, can't fail like Light and Death magics, and isn't dependent on Smarts.
The reason for its danger is because it is extremely difficult to control the precise amount of blood used in Blood Magic; even a skilled Blood Mage is prone to losing more blood than needed to cast a blood spell. Many a Blood Mage have suffered from accidental anemia; reckless ones die from self-inflicted blood loss. The unpredictable cost for such blood spells is often referred to as its blood wager when applicable. Despite this, the benefits have made it become increasingly popular with those outside wizardry circles.
Blood Magic is commonly frowned upon, as many know that they may just be seen as resources rather than allies to a wielder of Blood Magic. It's also just creepy watching someone cut themselves to fire bolts of blood.
Casting Blood Magic does not require Spell Uses. Instead, the adventurer sacrifices their Life by giving their own blood up as offering, which also determines the power of the Blood Magic Spell. Learning a Blood Magic spell requires a ritual in a local cult, the cult won't teach the adventurer spells if they've been working against them, and Paladins really don't like Blood Mages. Blood Magic cannot be cast in Full or Fitted armours.
There are eight Blood Spells possible to learn regardless of class, and seven Blood Rituals to learn only when learned all eight Blood Spells are learned prior. There are seven Blood Spells: Blood Bolt, Blood Boost, Blood Heal, Blood Trap, Blood Blush, Whip of Blood, Emergency Blood Transference and Bloody Burst.
And the seven different Blood Rituals are: Bloody Rejuvenation, Blood Portal, Bloody Good Fortune, Neck Suck, Blood Bond, Blood Scrying, and Super Special Sacrifice.
- #36Warlocks Patronsselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Fae Patron, Warlock Patron, Fae Patrons, Warlock Patrons, Warlock's Patron, Warlock's Patrons
Warlock Patrons
The Warlock Patrons are fae, and like all fae, are creatures made manifest through a combination of their own giant sense of self and concentrations of latent primordial magic, but more powerful and famous. They are not of this fourteenth world, but were likely reborn from one of the thirteen previous worlds.
While Warlock Patrons appear to adventurers who refuse to step on death's door, their corporeal forms do exist throughout Mundain, and some adventurers travel to beseech a specific Patron's aid, aware of the cost of their bestowed power and not being one who could become favored. Travelling to the domain of a Patron to willingly become a Warlock is a life-defining experience and journey with a high chance of becoming a favorite of the Patron... if they truly embrace what their Patron has to give them. A smart warlock would make the journey with allies who agree to help them. The right adventurer with the right Patron can become incredibly powerful, especially if the adventurer is favored.
There are six Warlock Patrons: The Antler Man, The Faerie King, The Sand Witch, The Cowled Lady, The Jovial Fellow and The Mad Stray.
- #37Vampireselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Vampire, vampires, vampire's, vampiric, dracula, <vampire>, <vampires>
Vampires
It's a common misconception that Vampires can't go out in the day. They can, but fae hunters are so common in certain cities that that Vampires seem to die the moment they step out the door, riddled with crossbow bolts. Being a Vampire requires a level of social subtlety that might require moving around at night, taking quests from morally ambiguous people, and generally laying low. Alongside their forearm scars, vampires have quite frightening fangs, so hiding those is a good start to going unnoticed.
Becoming a Vampire requires 2 Blood Magic Spells and the Neck Suck Ritual, as well as 1000 jade, paying the local cult's Vampire to turn the individual into one. The transformation takes one day to complete.
The more Blood Magic Spells they know, Vampires gain specific passive abilities: Vampiric Immortality, Blood Morph (transform into blood), Eerie Charisma, and Dracula.
- #38Fightersselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Fighter, fighters, fighter's, <fighter>, <fighters>, </setting>
Fighters
Too dumb, clumsy and ugly to be either a wizard, thief or dancer but every adventurer party needs a good Fighter to throw the first punch; to step in the way of danger. In essence, fighters are the epitome of ugly muscle, awesome scars and cracking necks.
City Arenas are where fighters grow and where the common folk can slake their bloodlust, watching gladiators tear each other apart in combat before being magically mended by on-site healers. Martial Skills can be taught and learned through practical application at Arenas or other sparring areas, though there's always a chance of being beaten so badly that a student has no time to learn anything.
Learning a set amount of Martial Skills allows a Fighter to choose one of three Fighter Buffs in a given skill tier. These Fighter Buffs can be swapped for another in the same tier once every few days while resting and focusing inwards in safety.
Tier 1: Three Martial Skills Learned:
- Bulwark Mode (better shielding)
- Skirmisher Mode (better dual wielding)
- Berserker Mode (better two-handed weapons)
Tier 2: Five Martial Skills Learned:
- Raucous Taunt (Improved Taunt martial skill)
- Spellsword (Free Spell, and Brawn doubles as Smarts)
- Boy's Club (Turn weaker boys into clubs)
Tier 3: Seven Martial Skills Learned:
- Knightly Style (look great in full armour and protect others better)
- Fleetfooted Style (speedy with light armour)
- Second Breath (self healing)
Tier 4: Nine Martial Skills Learned:
- Daunting Roar (intimidates foes)
- By Da Scruff (grab attack)
- 'Ard (doubles bare-handed damage)
- #39Martial Skillsselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Martial Skills, martial skills, Martial Skill, martial skill, <martialskills>, <martialskill>
Martial Skills
Martial Skills are feats of strength and combat prowess that—much like Magic—must be taught by masters of the craft of violence, and usually depend on one of the Martial Skill user's stats to determine how proficient they are at using the skill; someone with high Moxie would be much better at using Martial Skills built around defense and protecting themselves or others than someone who has low Moxie.
Martial Skills can be taught to Paladins, Dancers, Fighters, Thieves and Warlocks.
There are 10 Martial Skills that can be learned in city Arenas: Drop Kick, Taunt, Cleave, Second Wind, Backstab, Barrage Shot, Parry, Flash the Goods, Lunge and Protect.
- #40Thievesselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Thief, thiefs, Thieves, thief's, <thieves>, <thief>, <thiefs>, </setting>
Thieves
The inevitable byproduct of societies that value material wealth over communal cooperation. And as z becomes steal or be stolen from, thieves become apex predators, pouches of jade become prey and a shiv in the kidney became natural selection.
There's a Thieves Guild in the bowels of every city, and for handsome and frequent donations they'll be willing to part with a few tricks of the trade.
Unlike all the other classes, the Thief class can be taught to anyone with ease—simply steal something and a new Thief is born. However, adventurers can spend some freetime purchasing and learning a Thief Skill from the local Thieves Guild and taught by a teacher to become a true Thief, these Skills are permanent and can be used whenever for any situation—and thus multiclassing with a Thief class is ridiculously easy.
For every 150 jade donation to the local Thieves Guild, a thief can learn one of fourteen skills: Sneaky-like, Surprise Shank, Peeky, Acrobat Climber, Rope Daggers, Dexterous Digits, Thieves Slang, Slip-giver, Expert Pickpocket, Perceptive Focus, Shadow-sneak, Mimic Mastery, Underworld Contacts and Trusted Fence.
- #41Clericsselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Cleric, clerics, cleric's, <cleric>, <clerics>, </setting>
Clerics
Considered "passionate" by their parents, "fixated" by healers, and "nutcase" by their friends, only clerics understand—or at least believe in—the power of belief. Even as the moonthings starve, or as the four demigods tell their followers to stop worshipping them, many clerics still believe that they're devoted rather than obsessed as they collect what amounts to giftshop goodies filled with "divine energy" as they put it, not even sure whether the divine power comes from the demigods or themselves.
Clerics often collect Additional Holy Relics; plush toys, trading cards, jewellery, key chains and all sorts of merchandise are the sorts of things Clerics believe have divine power. Holy Relics only work in the possession of a Cleric; no one else believes in this crap.
To become a Cleric, adventurers devote themselves to one of the demigods, after which they can purchase Holy Relics during their freetime. Buying certain merchandise belonging to a demigod bestows blessed effects to the Cleric. A Cleric can only worship one demigod—a Cleric can become a Cleric of T'hot, a Cleric of Ninki, a Cleric of Grod and a Cleric of Gap'r.
- #42Cleric of T'hotselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, T'hot, <cleric>, <clerics> · Secondary: Cleric, clerics, cleric's, <cleric>, <clerics>
Cleric of T'hot
T'hot is the human Demigoddess of Life, Knowledge. Reason, Healing Magic, Mathematics and Literacy. Formed the Paladin Order to teach the commonfolk critical thinking and so people would leave her the fuck alone.
T'hot's merchandise:
- Latest Testament: "For Fuck Sake I'm In The Shower, and Other Shoutings" 50 jade.
- When wearing Medium Armour, adds bonus healing to all healing spells casted by the Cleric.
- Semi-Genuine Dragongold Earrings 150 jade.
- Provides +2 Smarts for the Cleric.
- Official Replica Unisex Bikini Gold Armour of T'hot 300 jade.
- Medium armour styled after T'hot's signature attire. Provides great Armour and gives +2 Spell Uses to the Cleric. Only painted gold.
- Allegedly Actual Hair Strand of T'hot, encased in Glass Necklace 500 jade.
- When wearing Medium Armour, allows the Cleric to cast Single Heal or Group Heal for free whenever they wish.
Additional Holy Relics (100 jade each): Very slightly increases the effect of all Healing Spells.
- #43Cleric of Ninkiselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Ninki, <cleric>, <clerics> · Secondary: Cleric, clerics, cleric's, <cleric>, <clerics>
Cleric of Ninki
Ninki is the human Demigoddess of Death, Dreams, Peace, Beauty and Bountiful Harvests. Insists on escorting every soul to one of her afterlifes, listening to their stories and hanging out with them. Which is why there are so many zombies and ghosts waiting around.
Ninki's merchandise:
- Interview with A Formally Dead Guy: "Heaven is Other People." (50 jade).
- Allows the Cleric to get back up from a would-be lethal injury. One more blow would finish the job though.
Ninki's second piece of merchandise: 2) Somewhat Blessed Feather (150 jade).
- Provides additional Spell Uses for the Cleric, increasing with their expertise as a cleric (i.e., new clerics get less).
Ninki's third piece of merchandise: 3) Visions of Dreaming Death Chainmail Tabard" (400 jade).
- Full armour and hooded cloth tabard depicting images of confirmed afterlifes. When wearing this armour, the Cleric can cast the "Real Revive" Advanced Spell, using 6 Spell Uses.
Ninki's fourth piece of merchandise: 4) Obsidian Greatsword of Definite Death (400 jade).
- A durable, enchanted Glass Greatsword. When a humanoid enemy is killed, they immediately die and become a Ghost. Killed people generally cooperate if their ghost self is in danger, as killing a ghost means they die for good and miss out on the afterlife and/or reincarnation.
Additional Holy Relics (100 jade each): Add +1 Spell Uses.
- #44Cleric of Grodselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Grod, <cleric>, <clerics> · Secondary: Cleric, clerics, cleric's, <cleric>, <clerics>
Cleric of Grod
Grod is the orc Demigod of Combat, Challenge, Poetry, Gambling, and Introspection, who came to believe that working the fields and tending to children requires more strength than punching dragons.
Grod's merchandise:
- "Da Book ov Gud Werds in Da Right Order" Hand-made Poetry & Sonnet Collection (200 jade).
- While wearing Full Armour, the cleric moves and acts slightly faster, getting a bit more done than others could in the same amount of time.
- Vial of Supposedly Genuine Grod Combat Sweat (250 jade).
- While wearing Full Armour, dealing any damage to an enemy provides extremely miniscule healing the Cleric and a random ally. For Clercs of Grod, this isn't actually healing, but their successful attacks motivating themselves and others who bear witness.
- Sacred Soggy Towel of Battle Moisture (300 jade).
- When the Cleric takes any instance of damage in combat, an ally is healed for a small sum. The Cleric of Grod also thinks tanking hits "motivates" others.
- "Grod's Chosen" Brass Bangles, Anklets and Poetic Loin Cloth (250 jade).
- A collection of wrist and ankle jewellery that is considered Full Armour, yet only offers small protection. Useful for those that want to get hurt.
Additional Holy Relics (250 jade each): Very slightly increase Melee Attack damage.
- #45Cleric of Gap'rselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Gap'r, <cleric>, <clerics> · Secondary: Cleric, clerics, cleric's, <cleric>, <clerics>
Cleric of Gap'r
Gap'r is the elven Demigod of Lust, Love, Fertility, Fermenting, Tentacles, and Bodily Fluids who transformed himself from an elf into a tentacle monster for maximum shagging. Currently dwelling in the northernmost human fortress of Shagahol, far beyond the borders of z, with several thousand concubines.
Gap'r's merchandise:
- Fondle-Me-Gap'r Plush Toy (200 jade).
- Provides +2 Hotness for the Cleric.
- Magic Mirror of Shagahol (200 jade).
- Allows the Cleric to cast the Summon Tentacles Utility Spell, which emanates from the mirror. The Cleric doesn't have to be holding the mirror.
- Finger Bone of Gap'r's Former Body (400 jade).
- When wearing Medium Armour, allows the Cleric to cast Light Magic and Utility Spells using their Hotness instead of their Smarts.
- Holy Vial of On-Site Fuck Slime (500 jade):
- When wearing Medium Armour, allows the Cleric to cast the spell Single Heal without using Spell Uses. Also gives the Cleric the ability to cast the spells "Tame Living Trap" and "Speak with Animals" (includes talking to Living Traps) spells with zero risk of fizzling.
Additional Holy Relics (100 jade each): Add +1 Spell Uses.
- #46Warlocksselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, Warlock, warlocks, warlock's, </setting>, <fae>
Warlocks
In a final act of desperation in the most dire situations adventurers can become Warlocks. Warlocks receive power from a Patron—an especially powerful fae creature—who appears before them, having heard their desperate cries. Should the adventurer accept to bargain the Patron's power will transform the annointed Warlock's abilities and appearance to better suit the Patron's likeness, which grow over time—these alterations being deemed "blessings" by the Warlocks and their Patrons.
Every Patron offers a Boon and a Bane that comes into effect when the Patron deems it fit, which can alter their role in adventurer parties, but these Boons and Banes come at a cost: The Warlocks begin to resemble the ideal form their Patron would expect of them, in both appearance and personality. The more drastic the change in personality and appearance is for the Warlock, the more jarring and severe the transformation is to observers. Warlocks who already resembled their Patron's ideal form in either personality or appearance are less affected, and those who were already very close to it are considered to have the "favor" of their Warlock Patron due to the lack of change. If this is because the Patron genuinely favors their warlocks, it is not known. Patrons also bestow abilities to their Warlock as they please, usually on their own whim.
The appearance and personalty alterations is unique based on the Warlock's Patron:
- The Antler Man: Warlocks become gaunt and sleepy, growing intelligence leading to nihilism and sardonism. Horns sprout from their head, and they're bored when not buried in a good book.
- The Faerie King: Warlocks act straight out of Arthurian legends; excessive chivalry, honour and loyalty to their King, becoming beautiful, gullible, pastel-haired and pink-eyed dimwitted bimbos hypnotized by their King's ideals; living and being guided by concepts that never existed in Mundain as their King's squire.
- The Sand Witch: Warlocks inherit a strange striped tail, grow lithe and tall from an overcharged metabolism, and are lethargic but prone to bursts of extreme speed and habitually running with food held in their mouth.
- The Cowled Lady: Warlocks become frighteningly strong, sullen, depressing and covered in ugly, misshapen battle scars, but come alive through battle, whirling through enemies with petrifying ferocity.
- The Jovial Fellow: Warlocks become exceptionally tough, lazy, cheerful in dire times, and develop unnerving green skin and black eyes as well as an unhealthy love for good drunken times at taverns.
- The Mad Stray: Warlocks gain the same glowing green eyes and astral charts along their arms as the Mad Stray's, slowly losing their minds and bodies to their patron's mad whims, giving broad, toothy grins even in times of despair.
- #47The Antler Manselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, The Antler Man, the antler man, Antler Man, antler man, <fae>
The Antler Man
"as i lay there weak and weeping, in dark earth, my blood was seeping, and my husk began to stink of mud and fear and failure... the lights went out or ne'er existed, the memories of grass were mist and i forgot my mother's face, the hue of sky, my favourite flavour... the lights went out though my breath was clogged and rasping, through the pain i heard my gasping, for anyone to help me despite my sad behaviour... and from the dark, one blink from dead he came to me and simply said, in voices filled with love and dread, BEHOLD. I—AM—YOUR—SAVIOUR." - The Antler Man's inscrutable dialogue while saving a dying warlock
Presumed to be from the first world, the Antler Man Warlock Patron is a cloaked figure with an endless hunger for fresh knowledge, arcane rituals and forgotten secrets and artifacts of old worlds. His gaunt and thin body is draped almost entirely in deer hide, with only his head—the upper half of a deer skull with antlers—and hands being visible, the light dying beneath his cloaked figure, with what's underneath remaining secret to all. The Antler Man stalks the depths of Karkus, sometimes carrying an apple, sometimes carrying a futuristic artifact like a mobile tablet. Ironically, it's because the Antler Man is so inscrutable that his motives become straightforward; he is the easiest Warlock Patron to actively please, and thus his favorites are treated well.
Warlocks of The Antler Man gain +1 Smarts, but lose 1 Moxie every time The Antler Man blesses them. Every 2 times the Warlock is blessed, they gain a new ability:
- Endlessly Inquisitive: Outside of combat, the Warlock can repeatedly use its Smarts to whittle away at an intellectual challenge, such as lockpicking or deciphering a grimoire in a time efficient manner provided it's not impossible (requires 2 Patron Blessings).
- Unfinished Business: Once per 24 hours, the Warlock's body instantly straightens and jolts up in a creaking, unnerving way, escaping traps or instantly getting back on their feet (requires 4 Patron Blessings).
- Derisive Duellist: The Warlock can use their Smarts when attacking or defending, instead of Brawn or Moxie (requires 6 Patron Blessings).
- #48The Faerie Kingselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, The Faerie King, the faerie king's, Faerie King, faerie king's, <fae>
The Faerie King
"Oh dear. Another sweet thing turned sour. Taut shoulders, salty eyes and an acrid brain... I can fix you, sweet thing." The startled, lonely adventurer simply asks: 'H-How?' "By taking all the sour." - The Faerie King personally corrupting a new squire
The Faerie King Warlock Patron resides in a part of the swamp known as 'The King's Castle', and appears as a stark naked thirty-foot giantess with cherry-blossom and olive colored pink skin and cotton-candy pink hair fading to a white lilac towards the end. Despite "his" female form, the Faerie King insists on masculine pronouns and the title of King proudly so, but still acts and behaves with feminity, such that sometimes, even the lesser faeries struggle to consistently refer to the Faerie King as anything but the woman that "he" is unless they're on their best behavior around their "King", but are typically caught referring to their ruler as a woman with feminine pronouns when the King isn't listening, as do all kin that don't affiliate with her—yes, her, as only Warlocks and Faelings could let themselves comply with such absurdity considering how kin who serve as "squires" behave like bimbofied versions of themselves with nonsensical gallant virtues and a desire to please their King.
The Faerie King has breasts larger than a cargo wagon each, sports eyes which are light pink and typically half-lidded in a seductive way, speaks with plush, glossy rosy pink lips, and has a set of iridescent dragonfly wings with a lilac white to pink gradient fill, sprouting from the small of the back, and three smaller sets adorned on the sides of her head.
Unlike the other cryptic fae patrons, the Faerie King does not speak in rhymes and riddles. Instead, she tells stories of the past; a world of chivalric knights and noble lords, rolling plains and magical forests, all of which she corrupted and destroyed for the fun of it. Now, deep inside Seedswallow Swamp, the Faerie King has returned to corrupt the world anew with... a growing retinue of hypnotized, ditzy bimbofied squires and what little influence and corruption they can actually spread. In a world like Mundain, a threat like this naturally isn't even worth keeping on the radar—not just because her corrupting ideals are anachronistic, but because there exists other competing powers (mainly dragons and other fae).
Warlocks of The Faerie King gain +1 Hotness, but lose 1 Smarts every time The Faerie King blesses them. Every 2 times the Warlock is blessed, they gain a new ability:
- Noble Steed: While mounted on either a Mountable Creature or a fellow adventurer, all the Warlock's melee attacks deal additional damage (requires 2 Patron Blessings)
- Duty Bound: The Warlock learns the Taunt and Protect Martial Skills, and can use their Hotness instead of their Moxie when using them (requires 4 Patron Blessings)
- Gallant Knight: The Warlock can use their Hotness instead of their Moxie when defending (requires 6 Patron Blessings)
Warlock: "AH! A raven! What news from castle whiteseed?" Faerie: "The, uh, 'King' says there's a dragon encroaching on her swamp. Uh, his castle." Warlock: "A WORTHY FOE! SOUND THE WETTENHORN! I shall have five thousand bannermen by the third dawn!" Faerie: "You wot?"
- A typical interaction between squire and faerie.
- #49The Sand Witchselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, The Sand Witch, the sand witch, Sand Witch, sand witch, sand witch, sandwitch, <fae>
The Sand Witch
"in fighting, fucking, and diplomacy three lessons i bequeath to thee hit first hit fast and leave early" A dwarf questions the validity of his advice. "your satisfaction guaranteed" - The Sand Witch speaking tersely of survival to a dwarf
The Sand Witch Warlock Patron appears as a tall, wholly naked lithe creature standing between twelve and thirteen feet at the shoulder. His form is that of a great striped goat, but where a goat's neck should rise, there sprouts the torso of a gaunt humanoid male with digitigrade goat legs. His skin is the color of bleached sand and cracked clay, stretched tight over muscle built for endless running. Two curved horns curve upwards and back from his temples like a desert goat's, and has yellow goat eyes and black pupils. His lower body bears thick stripes of rust-brown across cream-colored hide, and between his equine hindquarters hangs a flaccid equine cock of at least four feet in length, swinging freely as he runs. His mane and tail are the color of dirty straw, perpetually wind-whipped. When he speaks, which is rarely, his voice sounds like sand hissing through an hourglass.
The Sand Witch is one of the few Fae to inhabit the Red Desert. The Sand Witch endlessly gallops across the cracked wastes, seemingly with the only motive of beating their previous record from end to end. While most Fae find homes among enchanted forests and mythical swamps. The Sand Witch remembers a dying world of endless sand and disparate slave cities, where one's ability to survive a journey was determined by their stamina. Despite the name "Sand Witch", he isn't a woman nor knows magic spells, nor is he a sandwich.
Warlocks of The Sand Witch gain increased stamina, but lose 1 Brawn every time The Sand Witch blesses them. Every 2 times the Warlock is blessed, they gain a new ability:
- Piggy Back: The Warlock can act as a Mount for any one allied adventurer, regardless of size or Brawn (requires 2 Patron Blessings)
- Bacon Sandwich: The Warlock can eat food and process its energy instantly, serving as an immediate boost to their energy reserve and stamina (requires 4 Patron Blessings)
- Rampant Rabbit: The Warlock unleashes a burst of their energy and stamina, allowing them to make multiple actions in rapid succession with surreal, rabbit-like speed (requires 6 Patron Blessings)
- #50The Cowled Ladyselective
Keys: <OMGWTFBBQ!>, The Cowled Lady, the cowled lady, cowled lady, Cowled Lady, <fae>
The Cowled Lady
"Sss-sssh-ss-sweet thing. Pretty. With a pretty weapon. Make-ssss-sh his mother proud, she says. Won't last a week, I reckon." A human requests the Cowled Lady's strength. "Kkkkkhhck..k-k-khik... Killed her grandma's killer first. Cut his guts out, slug herder. Take my scars upon ye'self, and I'll make you a murderer." - The Cowled Lady assessing and approving of a human's violent potential
The Cowled Lady Warlock Patron appears as a towering figure standing between fourteen and sixteen feet tall The cowled Lady is a mangled husk, riddled with scar tissue from innumerous cuts, burns and bites. Her arms are thin, her hands calloused and missing a finger or two on each. She wears a red cowl of stitched leather that shadows everything above her collarbones. She carries a long battle axe, dulled and broken but still effective. Warriors see themselves in her broken visage; what unquenchable rage and unbridled violence does to a person. The desperate beseech her aid anyways. In short, the Cowled Lady is terrifying, and prowls the sodden, burnt forests of The Taint.
Warlocks of The Cowled Lady gain +1 Brawn, but lose 1 Hotness every time they are blessed. Every 2 times the Warlock is blessed, they gain a new ability:
- Kill: If the Warlock downs an enemy or incapacitates and exposes them, they can subconsciously move to attack again without thinking, greatly hastening their enemy's execution before they can react (requires 2 Patron Blessings)
- Kill Them: The Warlock is able to fully control any anger and can choose to let it either overcome them or quash their anger at any time during combat. Going berserk massively increases attack damage, but the Warlock can only use mindless, basic attacks (requires 4 Patron Blessings).
- Kill Them All: The Warlock can now sense weakness; successfully knocking down an enemy or critically exposing them is realized before the target even realizes it, allowing them to ruthlessly exploit any weakness and greatly decreasing the Warlock's time to murder. (requires 6 Patron Blessings)
Showing 50 of 674
1 file
- .jsonjson_lorebookoriginal
3.3 MBfirst seen 5955d94f2e305fac
Opens with the tab.