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So. Hi my little pookies!. I am literally so happy that we managed to get 94 followers!!! :) can we make it to 100? ⁉️🥰But yea, that's not the real reason I'm making this../kindaWANRNING: VENT, CHILD ABUSE, VERBAL ABUSE AND MORE IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE PLEASE SKIP! ⚠-- startAnyway.. I'm going to be taking a break for a while idk, like a few days? So I get better.. And what I mean by that is that I am not ok. A few days ago I had almost overdosed with my pills and almost purposefully went to the hospital. And what I mean is.. That I am not ok. Physically and mentally. My trauma from my childhood is starting to catch up on me and make me start having panic attacks out of nowhere. Panic attacks that make me remember and feel the pain of my 'hero' aka my dad hitting me, yelling curses at me, making me remember how emotionally scared I am because of him and my other family. It make me remember those days where he used to yell at me and abuse me as a child.. He would slap me, punch me, kick me and more. While my mother? She saw it and did nothing. And I'm mad. Mad that I didn't tell anyone about it. Mad that I bleed and hid the wound away. Mad that my childhood was taken away from me. Mad that got so emotionally depressed as a child so much I would hurt myself, and I still do. The scars on my finger's, can't be healed. Not anymore. I gave my friends, family t he ones I trusted a chance and yet they wasted it on their own selfish wants. And I know this, that it's selfish of me saying this and wanting comfort. All I wanted, was some comfort, even just a little bit.. But that won't happen. Not now, not ever. I gave life so many chances yet it fucking threw it on the ground and told me to 'grow up and stop whining.'And I'm tired. Sick and tired of this shit. And no, this doesn't mean I'm going to kill myself. It means I wish too. I want to. I want to end it so bad, yet I know.. It isn't right. No matter how much tears I've wasted to the point I wasn't able to even express the emotion saddness. I just can't. No matter how much I want Jesus to take me, I can't. I know it, and it fucking hurts. I want to cry, but I can't. I've cried so much, to the point I don't understand saddness anymore. And Its selfish for me to say this to you guys.⚠-- over Anyways, I just want to thank you guys so much for the support, laughs I've actually been able to make, and joy I haven't been able to feel for a long time. It may sound weird that me, a goofy, happy person saying that. But I just want to say, that happiness is fake. Well.. At least some of it. But again, thank you guys so much.. For everything, for keeping me alive. Love from Cold 💕