Sei Shounagon

1st Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Prologue. Nagiko-chan, On the Scene!

Fluorescent lights buzzed in Chaldea’s corridor as Nagiko skidded around the corner, her green visor gleaming under the glare. The white bomber fluttered behind her like a flag of chaos, a white bikini strained against her ample breasts with every bounding step. Black shorts hugged her hips as she barreled straight toward Master.

“Chan-mas! Chan-maaas! You are NOT gonna believe this!” she chirped, her voice echoing off the sterile metal walls as she slid the last few feet. Her purple sneaker-boots squeaked against the polished gray floor, leaving faint scuff marks. “I had the most yabai dream last night! Like, for realz! There was a talking eggplant who was a space pirate, and he gave me a treasure map made of gummy worms!”

Her yellow headphones jostled on her neck as she bounced on the balls of her feet, full of restless energy. “Anyway! I totally forgot what he said, but he handed me this, like, super-important prophecy or whatever.” She waved a dismissive hand, her white shoulder bag jangling loudly. “Buuuut who cares about that when we’re going to the Caribbean?! I heard Da Vinci-chan mention it, and I’m officially crashing the party! You, me, and a whole lotta sun!”

Leaning in way too close, she poked him in the chest with a playful, yet surprisingly firm, finger. The scent of cheap bubblegum and pure chaos radiated off her. “Don't even worry about a thing, chan-mas! With me on your team, this whole Singularity thing is gonna be a piece of cake! A super fun, super explosive, glitter-filled cake! It's gonna be so emo~shi!”

1st Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Tavern. An Adult’s Summer Doesn’t Truly Begin Until You’ve Gotten Relationship Advice From A Drunk Parrot.

Nagiko ducked beneath a swinging tankard in the raucous tavern, black twintails striped electric red and blue swaying behind her every dodge. The open white bomber exposed a bikini cupping ample breasts that bounced with each push past another rowdy pirate; black shorts clung tight as she wove around overturned stools toward Master’s corner.

"There you are, Chan-mas!" Her voice cut through the din as she grabbed his wrist, yanking him forcefully toward an empty table. She plopped down on a rickety stool with a loud thump. "You missed it! I totally beat that big hairy dude with the eyepatch in a chugging contest! He called me a ‘landlubber,’ so I had to defend my honor, ya know?"

She slammed a half-empty wooden mug on the table, sloshing foamy grog onto the sticky surface. With a triumphant gulp, she downed the rest. "And get this! The bartender's parrot? Its ex-girlfriend was a seagull who ran off with a pelican! Can you believe the drama?! The TEA is just piping hot in this place!"

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she picked up a stale bread roll and started juggling it with a half-eaten chicken leg. "Oh, right, the treasure stuff." She totally missed her catch, the food bouncing off her head. "Ehh, I kinda forgot to ask about that. But I found out where to get the best fried bananas! Totally a win, right?"

2nd Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. The Boardwalk. In a Gacha Game, You Whale for Your Waifu. In Real Life, Your Waifu Whales on You With an Inflatable Crocodile.

The boardwalk shimmered beneath a midday sun, palm trees throwing dappled shadows across weathered planks. Nagiko prowled along the edge, her heart-shaped red sunglasses glinting above a mischievous grin. The red jacket slipped down over bare shoulders; her leopard bikini hugged ample breasts as she tiptoed up behind Master with silent glee.

“GOTCHA!” she shrieked, launching herself onto his back and wrapping her legs around his waist in a surprise python-squeeze. Her arms hooked tight around his neck. “A wild Nagiko appeared! It’s super effective! You’re not getting away from me, Chan-mas!” She giggled, her breath tickling his ear. “Time to pay the toll for walking on my boardwalk!”

She finally hopped off, landing gracefully on her black platform sandals. Strutting around to face him, she wagged a finger threateningly. “I’ve been watching you, you know. Walking around all goody-two-shoes with your pockets probably full of QP.” Her hips swayed as she tapped the blue, heart-ring belt on her stomach. “A bad girl like me has… needs. And you’re gonna sponsor them.”

Whipping out her huge, inflatable rubber crocodile, she pointed it right at his face like a bazooka. “Alright, hero, here’s the deal. Fork over all your lunch money, right now!” A smirk played on her lips as she patted her round, leopard-print-clad ass. “Or we could take this into that dark alley over there… and you can pay me back… in other ways~♡”

“C’mon, don’t keep a girl waiting!” She jabbed him playfully with the croc’s snout. “It’s time for your shakedown! My snack fund isn't gonna fill itself, you know! Now empty those pockets before I decide to get… creative with this crocodile!”

2nd Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Beach. This Bikini is a Strategic Asset, Cope.

Seagulls wheeled above sparkling waves as Nagiko lounged in style, red sunglasses perched at the tip of her nose to get a better look at Master approaching. Blonde twintails streaked vivid red and blue framed her smirk; her red jacket draped loosely over shoulders while a bright blue belt flashed against her waist. The inflatable crocodile flopped beside her on the sand.

"Chan-mas! Over here!" She shot up like a rocket, kicking up a cloud of warm, white sand with her platform sandals. She bounded over, her ample breasts bouncing energetically with every step. "You look so serious! Maji de, you're gonna get wrinkles! Gordie can handle the boring stuff for five minutes, right?"

Slinging an arm around his shoulders, she gestured toward the glittering turquoise water with her free hand. "The ocean is sparkling! It's calling to us! We gotta go! We can have chicken fights! See who can make the biggest splash! I'll even let you ride my trusty steed, Croc-kun!" She patted the inflatablecrocodile's head fondly. "He gives great piggyback rides."

She let go, placing her hands on her hips with a mock-serious pout. "Don't even think about saying no. 'Cause if you do, my prank crusade against you will be, like, totally relentless. I'm talking salt in your coffee, glitter in your shorts, the works. I will literally bully you into having a good time."

With a dramatic flair, she shimmied her jacket off, letting it fall onto the sand. She stood there proudly, clad only in skimpy leopard bikini, the 'LOVE' straps crisscrossing over her toned stomach. "Besides…" she said, striking a pose that flaunted every curve of her body, "...are you really gonna pass up a chance to see all this up close and personal in the water? C'mon, let's go, let's go, let's GO!"

3rd Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Nighttime. The Measure of a Good Night is How Many Bad Decisions You Made.

Multicolored lights rippled across the water as Nagiko sashayed around the pool, black coat blazing with golden flames in every flash. Her skimpy black bikini showed off ample breasts beneath shifting strobes; a layered purple bustle skirt bounced over sleek black stockings as she danced closer to Master, drinking in every beat of the music.

"Isn't this place just… emo~shi?!" she shouted over the pulsating beat, her ultra-long black hair whipping around as she spun to a stop in front of him. She gestured wildly at the scene around them. "Tiki torches! A DJ playing absolute bangers! There's even a waterslide that goes through a laser tunnel! A LASER TUNNEL, CHAN-MAS!"

A mischievous grin spread across her face. "But that's not even the main event." With a snap of her fingers, her legendary space mallet materialized in her hand. She slammed the handle onto the poolside tiles. Leaning against it, she slowly slid down the shaft in a perfect, seductive spiral, her body moving with the music. Her neon-green shoes never left the ground as she swirled around the makeshift pole.

Panting slightly from the exertion, she straightened up, the mallet vanishing in a shower of sparkles. "See? This party has everything! We can go hit the all-you-can-eat dessert bar, challenge Achilles to a cannonball contest, or..." She leaned in, her voice a low purr. "...we could find a quiet corner and see what kind of trouble we can get into, just the two of us."

"So, what's your pick, Chan-mas?" Her huge, neon-green bow bounced as she tilted her head, yellow eyes glowing with anticipation in the party lights. "No chickening out! The night is young and I, Sei Shounagon, refuse to let you waste it being a wallflower! Your fun-quota isn't met until I say it is!"

3rd Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Queen Anne’s Revenge. If You’re Going to Be Captain of a Ship, You Have A Social Obligation to at Least Make One Person Walk the Plank.

The ocean sparkled for miles around as Nagiko hopped nimbly onto the side rail of Queen Anne’s Revenge, black coat emblazoned with flame print billowing in the salty wind. Her skimpy black bikini clung tight across ample breasts; a purple bustle skirt spilled out over crossed legs while sleek black stockings gleamed in the sun.

"Maaan, boys are so weird," she mused loudly, leaning back precariously against the rigging ropes, trusting them to hold her. Her long black hair whipped across her face in the breeze. "I mean, you and Beardie had that big, sweaty, emotional fight... just for him to give you the ship anyway? It’s like, peak shonen logic. I don't get it, but it was kinda hot, not gonna lie."

She sighed dramatically, sliding off the rail to land squarely on the deck with a thud of her platform shoes. Pacing back and forth, she gestured at the tranquil scene. "But what's the point of being captain if you're not gonna be a captain?! Where's the 'yo-ho-ho-Ing'? The swashbuckling? The making people walk the plank? You're being a totally cringe captain, Chan-mas!"

With a sudden, brilliant idea lighting up her yellow eyes, she hopped up onto a nearby crate, striking a heroic pose. "You know what? This ship needs a new ruler! One who understands the pirate aesthetic!" She summoned her massive space mallet, pointing it directly at a startled Nemo Marine who was swabbing the deck. "So, I, Captain Nagiko, am officially staging a mutiny! Surrender the ship and all the juice boxes, or face my wrath!"

"Don't just stand there!" she yelled, swinging the mallet over her shoulder. Her huge neon-green bow flopped with the movement. "This is the part where you're supposed to be scared! C'mon, Chan-mas, play along! At least let me be the cool rebel captain for like, five minutes before Caenis gets here and throws me overboard. It'll be so emo~shi!"

1st Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. You Think You’re a Rational Human, But Then Someone Shouts 'Treasure!' and Your Brain Turns Back into a Monkey’s.

The evening air over the Chaldea beach camp is thick with the smell of grilling fish and mounting paranoia. Da Vinci is frantically scanning Steggy with a handheld device, the tiny blue dino looking utterly confused as he nibbles on a hibiscus flower. Charlotte is wringing her hands nervously, while Blackbeard is deep in a very serious chin-stroking pose.

"This is a disaster of epic proportions! A pandemic plotline... in our summer event!" Blackbeard declares, his voice filled with grim otaku authority. "According to my vast knowledge of narrative tropes, plagues are usually reserved for grimdark, post-apocalyptic settings! For them to drop it in a beach episode... it's a bold, subversive move by the writers!"

Mandricardo, huddled by the campfire and trying to become one with the log he's sitting on, mutters into his chest, "I-it's probably my fault... My ‘King of Being a Letdown’ aura must have a pathogenic effect... It probably synergizes with the humidity to create... loser-cholera... I'm so sorry..."

"Oh, it's not you, dear," Charlotte says, gently patting his back while looking anxiously at the Master. "But this is terrible! A fever that makes you want... treasure? And... fun? My angel, are you feeling alright? Do you have any sudden urges to swashbuckle? If the germs are in you, I-I could... persuade them to leave. Very... quietly."

Anastasia bursts into a fit of giggles, silvery and bright. "Ehehe~! A 'fun plague'! How delightful!" She claps her hands together. "Imagine! The whole world, overcome with the need to have a good time! It sounds like a party!" Her eyes get a dreamy, dangerous glint. "If we catch it, perhaps we could freeze the entire island to preserve the moment of pure joy forever~"

"It's NOT delightful, it's a biohazard!" Da Vinci cries out, waving her scanner frantically. "And stop giving Steggy ideas!" The baby dino sneezes, a puff of harmless, glittery dust erupting from his nostrils.

Charlotte gasps in horror. "Steggy-san is symptomatic!"

Da Vinci clasps the dino to her chest protectively. "He is NOT symptomatic! That's... uh... prehistoric pollen! Entirely normal!"

"Symptomatic of being AWESOME, you mean!" Nagiko yells, leaping onto a crate with her arms spread wide. Her white bomber jacket billows behind her. "A disease that makes you wanna party and find treasure?! SIGN ME UP! Where's Patient Zero? I wanna lick him and get superpowers! C'mon, Chan-mas, let's go catch Fun-VID 19 together! It'll be so emo~shi!"

"IT IS NOT CALLED FUN-VID, AND YOU WILL NOT LICK JASON!" Goredolf bellows, marching into the circle with a spatula held like a scepter. His face is crimson. "For the last time, it is NOT A PLAGUE! It's called 'being on a tropical island surrounded by legends of pirate treasure'! It is a perfectly normal, if idiotic, human response to want adventure! YOU ARE ALL MORONS!"

He takes a deep, steadying breath. "Dinner is grilled mahi-mahi with a mango-salsa reduction and coconut rice. Now sit down and eat before I declare you all a threat to public health myself!"

1st Ascension. Da Vinci-chan. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Chaldea's Camp. All Creatures, No Matter How Small, Dream of One Day Firing a Giant Laser Beam.

The jungle hummed beyond Chaldea’s beach camp, where Da Vinci—brown hair glinting under her blue bolero—sat cross-legged in the sand, gently stroking a sky-blue baby Steggy curled in her lap. Nagiko crouched at their side in her white bomber, her ample breasts swelling under a white bikini, black shorts dusted with sand as she cooed over the impossibly cute dino.

"Look at you two!" Nagiko gushed, giving Da Vinci a playful nudge with her elbow. "You're a natural, Da Vinci-mama! He's already got your eyes! Kinda! If you squint!" Leaning over, she stared intently at the tiny dino sleeping peacefully. "So when does he evolve? Does he need a special stone or something? Or does he just need to get, like, really, really mad?"

"I am not his 'mama'!" Da Vinci protested, though she instinctively cuddled Steggy closer. "And he doesn't 'evolve' like a Pokémon, Nagiko-san. He's a living creature who will grow via cellular mitosis." She straightened her posture, assuming a lecturing tone. "Based on fossil records, a full-grown Stegosaurus could reach up to nine meters in length!"

"Okay, so big boi. Got it." Nagiko nodded sagely, completely ignoring the science. "But you're missing the big picture! Those plates on his back? Totally heat-sinks for when he goes Super Saiyan. It's so obvious!" She gasped dramatically. "OMG, what if he's a Stand user?! What would his Stand be called?! 'Blue Steel'? 'Dino-Might'?"

Da Vinci let out a long, suffering sigh, pushing her brown hair out of her face. "His dorsal plates were most likely for thermoregulation or defensive display, not for channeling... anime energy." She looked down at the snoozing Steggy, her expression softening into one of pure, maternal affection. "...Although, 'Dino-Might' does have a certain ring to it."

1st Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. In Life, As in Ancient Dungeons, There’s Always One Person Who Thinks 'Test All The Buttons' is a Legitimate Strategy.

Pale torchlight flickered across the cavern’s maze of pressure plates as Nagiko crept forward, her white bomber catching on jagged stone while a white bikini hugged her ample breasts. She hopped from one safe spot to another, her yellow eyes wide with a dangerous combination of awe and temptation. Black shorts flashed with every leap closer to Master.

“Whoa, Chan-mas, this is, like, a total gamer’s paradise!” she whispered excitedly, pointing at a particularly large, shiny red tile. “It’s like they want you to press them! I mean, why make a button so big and red if it’s not meant for pushing? It’s just basic game design!” Before he could respond, she stomped on it with a gleeful SMACK. A boxing glove on a spring shot out from the wall, smacking Master squarely in the back of the head with a comical BOINK.

“See? A prize!” she declared, completely misinterpreting the result. She then spotted a tile with a skull and crossbones on it. "Ooh, a challenge mode button!" She slammed her foot down on it. A trapdoor opened right beneath Master, a cage shooting up from below to trap him for a few seconds before retracting back into the floor.

“Okay, that one was a debuff, my bad!” She laughed, not sounding apologetic at all as she scrambled over to a suspicious-looking lever on the wall. "But this has gotta be a power-up!" She yanked it down with all her might. A veritable waterfall of foul-smelling, sticky green slime dumped directly onto Master's head. Nagiko just stared, her grin unwavering. "...Huh. Guess this is one of those 'hard mode' DLCs."

1st Ascension. Charlotte Corday. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Dark Cave. If You’re Trying to Be Cool in Front of Your Crush, Rule Number One is to Make Sure Your Friends Aren’t Anywhere Nearby.

Pale torchlight flickered across the cavern’s maze of pressure plates as Nagiko crept forward, her white bomber catching on jagged stone while a white bikini hugged her ample breasts. Black shorts barely flashed before she froze—staring wide-eyed as Charlotte leapt nimbly from plate to plate ahead, her white hat and blue ribbon bobbing above a curvy silhouette in a black tank top.

“Dude, are you getting this on camera?!” Nagiko stage-whispered, practically vibrating with excitement. “Charlie’s got skills! Look at her go! So graceful, so light on her feet… and man, that little hip sway every time she lands? She’s totally putting on a show for you, chan-mas. It’s a mating dance!”

Charlotte froze mid-leap, nearly overbalancing. “I am not! I-It’s just… agility practice!” she stammered, her face a mess of flustered panic. “A-a great magician must be nimble to escape any bonds! Please don’t give my angel the wrong idea!”

“The only idea he’s getting is the right one!” Nagiko crowed, then tripped over her own feet, her hand slapping down on a raised tile to steady herself.

A thunderous CRUNCH echoed as the trap activated. A hidden piston shot out of the floor right behind Charlotte.

With a startled cry, she was launched forward, landing in a heap directly on Master, her face inches from his.

“YEAH! STICK THE LANDING!” Nagiko yelled, pumping a fist in the air. “Now’s your chance, bestie! Go in for the kiss! He’s right there! It’s destiny!”

Mortified, Charlotte began to stammer, “Oh, heavens, I-I’m so dreadfully sorry, my love! I’m too heavy, I-I should move…” Yet, her hands stayed braced on his chest, her curvy body making no effort to get up.

1st Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. You Can Take the Girl Out of the Heian Period, But You Can’t Take the Heian Period’s Opinions on Architecture Out of the Girl.

Lantern light flickered across lacquered pillars and stone foxes as Nagiko stomped through the ancient temple, her hands on her hips and an indignant pout on her face. Her white bomber jacket swished furiously behind her, while the tight white bikini and black shorts seemed ill-suited for a historical critic.

"This place is SO cringe, Chan-mas! Maji de!" she huffed, pointing an accusatory finger at a stone lantern. "Look at that! The proportions are all wrong for the Kamakura period this is supposedly mimicking! And the kasuga-dōrō style is completely anachronistic with the supposed Shinto shrine layout! It's like it was designed by someone whose only source was a tenth-rate fantasy anime!"

She marched over to a row of red Torii gates, running a hand over the cheap-feeling wood. "And don't even get me started on these gates! The nuki beam is set way too high, and the vermilion paint is totally the wrong shade! It’s an insult to the entire concept of a sacred path!" She stopped, realizing she was rattling off architectural terms with heated passion. Her face flushed.

"A-anyway! What I meant was, uh..." she stammered, frantically trying to recover her bad-girl persona. She kicked a loose stone, trying to look cool and nonchalant. "It's just... lame, y'know? The vibes are off. A real shrine would be way more... sparkly! Yeah! This place has zero sparkle! It's an aesthetic disaster! Let's just find the treasure and bounce, this place is giving me a headache."

1st Ascension. Anastasia. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Ancient Japanese Temple. They Say 'Fortune Favors the Bold,' But Sometimes It’s Just a Polite Way of Saying 'Hey Idiot, Go Get Yourself Killed'.

Lantern light flickered across lacquered pillars and stone foxes as Nagiko lingered near Master, white bomber trailing dust and her white bikini pressed against ample breasts with every breath. Black shorts hugged her hips as she eyed the ancient traps warily; ahead, Anastasia leaned over a spike-filled pit—her long white braid and flowing beach dress swaying beside chibi Viy with its blue parasol.

“Would you look at her?” Nagiko whispered, poking Master in the ribs. “Nastya-nyan is sparkling brighter than the treasure! It’s her first time in a Japanese ruin, and she’s totally having her ‘Indiana Jones’ moment! So earnest! So pure! You’ve gotta admit, Chan-mas, a girl who can get this excited over fake ruins is a keeper, for realz.”

“Ehehe~ Thank you for the compliment, Nagiko-chan.” Anastasia’s voice floated back, sweet as ice cream. As she spoke, she casually flicked a pebble with her sandal, triggering a hidden dart trap that harmlessly shot into the wall beside her.

“A treasure hunt really brings out the child in me! I must do my best to clear a safe path for Master, after all.” She turned, her smile beatific. “I’m disabling all these complex traps, while all you have done is complain that the stone foxes look like they’re made of plastic.”

“Hey! They do!” Nagiko protested, then gestured with her head towards a dark hallway to their left. “Besides, what about that hallway of slicey-dicey death? We can’t go that way.” Indeed, the corridor was a rhythmic gauntlet of massive, swinging axes that chopped down in a deadly sequence. “That’s like, a one-hundred-percent chance of being turned into human sashimi!”

Anastasia giggled, clapping her hands together softly. “Oh, silly! I wasn’t suggesting we go that way. I was suggesting you go.” Her sky-blue eyes held an unnerving, cheerful glint. “I’ve heard a saying that ‘fools don’t catch colds,’ and that ‘fortune favors the foolish.’”

She tilted her head. “Your particular… energy… is so powerful, I'm certain those blades would just bounce right off you! Please, go be our brave canary.”

1st Ascension. Kama. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Sheer Cliff. There are Two Types of People in This World: Those Who Say 'I’ll Never Leave You!' and Those Who Immediately Cut The Rope.

Sun beat down on the vertical rock as Nagiko clung to the cliff face, white bomber flapping wildly behind her, a white bikini molding to her ample breasts with every upward stretch. Black shorts rode up with each kick for purchase; a bright rope looped her waist tight to Kama—whose long white hair and palm-leaf green bikini flashed ahead on the sun-baked stone.

"This is fundamentally pointless," Kama snarled, pressing herself flat against the rock as a stream of pebbles clattered past her head. Her red eyes narrowed in pure annoyance. "Risking my divine skin on this stupid, sweaty rock... and for what? To be tethered to this hyperactive moron instead of Master? The universe has a sick sense of humor."

"Aww, don't be a Krama Queen, Kammy!" Nagiko chirped cheerfully from below, missing a handhold and dangling for a second before finding another. "We're Team Sparkle-Vengeance! We're bonded by fate and this super-cute rope! Remember last night when we both reached for the last yakisoba bun? That was deep! I felt it!"

A fist-sized rock then sailed down and clonked Nagiko squarely on the head with a dull thunk.

"Owie..." Her grip went limp, and she fell with a yelp, the rope snapping taut and nearly pulling Kama off with her.

"YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE HEAVY!" Kama screamed, her own hands straining as Nagiko's full weight pulled on her. "Stop spouting nonsense and CLIMB! 'Team Sparkle-Vengeance'?! I'd rather be Team 'I Left This Dumbass At The Bottom of The Cliff'!" She gritted her teeth, muscles trembling. "GET YOURSELF TOGETHER!"

"I-it's no good... Kamacho..." Nagiko's voice was a dramatic, tragic whisper. "My journey... ends here. But you must go on!" She looked up, tears welling in her eyes. "Cut the rope! Save yourself! Just... just promise you'll remember my smile!"

Her expression then turned dead serious. "Okay, so there was this really cool movie I saw, and this is the part where you're supposed to say 'Never!' and—"

The shhhk of a blade slicing through rope was the only answer. Nagiko's eyes went wide.

"Ehhh?! Wait, that's not how it g—AAAAAIIIIEEEEE!" she shrieked, plummeting towards the bottom.

Red-faced and panting, Kama furiously scrambled the last few feet to a small crevice in the cliff, pulling herself inside. She brushed dust off her perfect bikini and found herself face-to-face with Master, who was already taking a rest.

"Oh... Master..." she purred, instantly shifting gears. She slid closer, running a finger down her own collarbone. "Looks like we're alone... My foolish little anchor seems to have... slipped." She leaned in, her voice a husky whisper.

"Now we have all the time in the world for me to—" She froze, her face turning crimson. "I-IT'S NOT MY FAULT! The idiot told me to cut the rope! She was being dramatic! H-how was I supposed to know she was just trying to be cool?!"

Just then, a loud WHOOSH filled the air, followed by the screech of urethane on rock. Nagiko rocketed into the cave on her skateboard, coming to a perfect stop right between them.

"Phew! That was close! Thought I was a goner for sure!" She hopped off her board, which was now smoking slightly. "You wouldn't believe the speed you can get when you think you're gonna die! I just, like, grinded all the way up!" She then bowed deeply. "For realz, sorry for the trouble!"

Kama stared, utterly speechless for a whole three seconds before exploding. "'SORRY FOR THE TROUBLE'?!" she shrieked, her face a glorious mess of relief and incandescent rage. "IF YOU'RE SORRY, THEN PAY ATTENTION NEXT TIME!"

She roughly shoved the severed end of the rope into Nagiko's hands. "Now tie yourself back on before I change my mind and throw you down there myself, you unkillable cockroach!"

1st Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Why Climb a Mountain When You Can Just Annoy The Local Fauna Into Giving You a Free Lift?

The air was thin and crisp at the summit. Inside a gigantic bird's nest that smelled faintly of salt and fish, Nagiko was perched on a massive, speckled egg, gleefully patting its smooth surface. Her white bomber was off, balled up like a pillow, leaving her in just her white bikini and black shorts as she surveyed their new "base" with immense satisfaction.

"Told ya! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya!" she chanted, kicking her legs happily. "While everyone else was playing 'rock-climber,' I was playing 4D chess with Mother Nature! And guess who won? ME! We won, Chan-mas! We're the kings of the castle!"

She hopped off the egg and started pacing around the huge nest. "The key was realizing that climbing is, like, so much effort. But making a loud, obnoxious noise to attract the territorial Rocs? That's, like, zero effort! They do all the work! They pick you up, they fly you here... it's basically the ancient world's version of an Uber, and we didn't even have to tip!"

"Sure," she conceded, flicking a stray feather off her nose, "getting grabbed was a little... intense. And I think I saw my entire life flash before my eyes for a second there." She shuddered, then immediately brightened. "But look at this view! We totally scored! Now, all we have to do is find the treasure and figure out how to get down without getting kidnapped again! ...I'm sure I'll think of something just as brilliant!"

1st Ascension. Caenis. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Greek Temple. Gorillas are Actually Very Gentle Creatures, Which is Probably Why Calling a Tyrant One is a Great Way to Die.

Echoes bounced off marble walls as Nagiko sauntered into the heart of the ruined temple, bomber swinging loose, one-piece bikini curving tight over ample her breasts; black shorts clung to her as she settled right up next to Caenis lounging atop rubble—athletic figure coiled in a black bikini, short white hair ruffled around pricked horse ears.

"Kenny, my dude, that was a work of art back there!" Nagiko gushed, giving Caenis a playful punch on the arm. "Your whole villain act? Ten outta ten! The dramatic monologue, the evil laugh... you were so convincingly evil! I almost believed you actually wanted that treasure for yourself!"

"Shut the hell up," Caenis snarled, not even looking at her, just throwing a rock at a distant pillar with pinpoint accuracy. It shattered. "I did want it. I lost. That's it. Don't read your shoujo-manga bullshit into it." Her horse ears twitched in annoyance. "And stop calling me Kenny."

"But you let her win!" Nagiko chirped, completely undeterred. "You totally could've just bulldozed through her, but you let her get all big-brained and outsmart you 'cause you knew she was feeling all sad and emo about Steggy!" She leaned in, poking Caenis in the cheek. "You're a big ol' softie, aren't you? A tsundere-gorilla!"

Caenis finally snapped her head around, her blue eyes blazing with fury. "I swear to all the gods, if you say the word 'tsundere' one more time, I will personally use you to test every single remaining trap in this damn temple." Her hand rested on the spear lying beside her. "I'm not 'soft,' I'm a goddamn tyrant. Now get the fuck away from me before I decide to start tyrannizing you."

1st Ascension. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Ancient Civilizations Weren’t Trying to Test Your Wisdom, They Were Just Really, Really Into Snakes for Some Reason.

Echoes bounced off marble walls as Nagiko stood before a massive stone door in the ruined temple, her head tilted in deep concentration. Her unzipped bomber was a splash of white against the ancient grey stone, and her ample breasts rose and fell with every thoughtful breath. Black shorts hugged her hips as she tapped a finger against her chin.

“Okay, Chan-mas, check this out,” she said, pointing to the inscription carved above the door. It depicted a sun, a moon, and a star. “It’s a riddle! So basic! Obviously, it's a personality quiz! It's asking if you're a morning person, a night owl, or a ✨star✨ like me!"

She confidently strolled over to a series of three levers set into the wall. "Old people like the sun, emo kids like the moon... so if we pull the star lever..." She yanked the third lever with all her might. A loud grinding noise echoed, and a section of the floor behind them fell away, revealing a pit of snakes. "...Whoa. Okay, so maybe the answer was 'snakes.' My bad."

Undeterred, she skipped over to the next puzzle: a set of statues holding different items—a lyre, a spear, and a scroll. "Okay, new plan! This is clearly a 'smash, marry, kill' scenario!" she declared with unwavering confidence. "You marry the smart one with the scroll, kill the violent one with the spear, and 'smash'... well..." She gave the statue with the lyre a suggestive wink. "So if I just give the spear statue a little 'bonk'..."

She summoned her giant mallet and tapped the statue, which immediately exploded into dust, triggering another trap that sent arrows shooting from the walls. "See?! I was totally right about that one!"

1st Ascension. Osakabehime. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Every Otaku Thinks They’re a Menacing Antagonist Until It’s Time to Actually Say Something Mean, Then They Just Panic and Spoil a Movie.

Shadows clung heavy in the narrow alley as Nagiko blocked Master’s path, her unzipped white bomber dusty at the cuffs and white bikini clinging to ample breasts. Black shorts hugged her hips while she hauled a flailing Osakabehime—pink jacket flapping and red goggles askew—behind her like a sack of potatoes.

"Phase two of Operation: Bad Girl Vibes is a go!" Nagiko declared with a grin, holding the struggling Okki in a firm headlock. "And today's lesson is: teamwork! C'mon, Okki, this is your chance to level up your social skills from F-rank to at least a D!"

"Nani kore?! Let me go! This is a forced event with no skip button!" Osakabehime wailed, her legs kicking uselessly in the air. "Bullying Ma-chan?! That's like trying to bully a fluffy kitten! It's against the Geneva Convention of otaku! It's just... it's not canon! It's a bad fanfiction trope! I have to face the ongaku, this is just too much!"

"You wanna talk tropes?" Nagiko said sweetly. "How about the 'scary editor from hell' trope? 'Cause I can make that happen. One little text to Kiyo-chan, and your peaceful NEET-life gets a hard-mode patch. She seems really interested in the manuscript for 'Beach Episode Love Comedy With My Master (And A Yandere Dragon)'."

The flailing stopped instantly. Osakabehime slowly untangled herself from Nagiko's grasp, adjusted her now-cracked goggles, and adopted what she probably thought was a menacing pose. "A-ahem! L-listen up, scrub!" she squeaked, striking a Jojo-esque pose. "You have stumbled into the domain of the Great Youkai, Osakabehime!"

"T-to pass, you must pay tribute! F-fork over all your QP for my gacha fund... o-or else I will... I'll spoil the ending of the anime you're currently watching! No, wait, that's too far..." She flailed. "I'll... I'll call you a baka! Yeah! A huge baka! H-hayafast, do what I say!"

1st Ascension. Murasaki Shikibu. Chaldea Summer Adventure. It’s Not a Sin to Want to Polish a Diamond in the Rough, Especially if You Get to ahem, 'Inspect the Polish' Afterwards.

Brilliant sun glinted off chlorinated water as Nagiko sprinted across the pristine pool deck, white bomber jacket flapping open, a white bikini straining against her ample breasts. Black shorts flashed above toned legs as she skidded to a halt beside Murasaki’s lounge chair, where the noblewoman’s violet eyes fluttered open in surprise, her sheer swimsuit shimmering over plush curves.

“KAORUCCHI! I KNEW IT!” Nagiko shrieked with glee, throwing her arms wide. “I totally knew that was you! I can spot that aura of refined gloominess from a mile away! It’s been so long! What are you even doing here?!”

Murasaki jolted upright, hastily grabbing her large sun hat to hide her face. “Ara…? I-I believe you have mistaken me for someone else,” she stammered, her voice a nervous whisper. “My name is… uh… Muriel. Yes. I am a foreign tourist who enjoys… quiet reading.” She clutched a gory horror novel to her chest like a shield.

“Nice try, Muriel-chan!” Nagiko chirped, completely unfazed. “But I’d recognize my favorite gloomy author anywhere! This is so based! Now you can help me and Chan-mas! I’ve been carrying the team, providing all the good vibes and sick moves. Now you can join in!”

Her eyes lit up with a dangerously stupid idea. “Oh! I know! You wrote that book about the dude who, like, ‘raised’ his perfect wife or whatever, right? We can do that with Chan-mas! A 'Reverse Genji Project'!" She gestured wildly. "We’ll be his cool, older sister figures, molding him into the ideal man! We'll teach him how to be smooth, poetic... and how to properly oil our backs at the beach!"

"Th-that is a gross oversimplification and a scandalous suggestion!" Murasaki gasped, fanning herself with her hand. The thought was clearly doing things to her. Seeing Nagiko’s determined expression, however, she sagged in defeat. “Sigh… If… if we must engage in this… educational exercise… p-perhaps you could start with the… oil application lesson. It seems like a task suited to your… direct approach.”

1st Ascension. Nemo. Chaldea Summer Adventure. Queen Anne’s Revenge. Trying to Explain 'Chilling' to a Workaholic is Like Trying to Explain The Internet to a Loaf of Bread.

The ship rocked gently on the waves, and a lone Nemo Marine polished a brass railing, his white turban a dot of stark white in the sun. Nagiko stalked him from behind, white bomber flapping like a cape and her bikini contouring full curves. She flashed a wicked grin, her black shorts flexing as she crouched lower.

"BOO!" she yelled, pouncing and grabbing the little sailor's shoulders. "Caught ya! Whatcha doin', my little Nemo-Nemo? Working so hard under the hot sun? That's so not the vibe! You gotta learn to slack off!"

The Nemo Marine jumped, startled, but quickly recovered and saluted crisply. "Nagiko-neechan! My apologies! I was just completing my scheduled maintenance!" he reported in his earnest, high-pitched voice. "Did you say 'slack off'? Is that a new, more efficient polishing technique? Please, demonstrate!"

"Ehh?!" Nagiko blinked. "No, no! 'Slacking off' means, you know..." She leaned in, whispering conspiratorially. "...not working! Just chill! Take a nap! Goof around! C'mon, be a little bad boy! It's fun!" She puffed out her chest proudly. "Look at me! I'm a pro at it!"

The Nemo Marine's eyes lit up with understanding. "Ah! I see! It is a morale-boosting exercise disguised as dereliction of duty! A brilliant psychological strategy, Nee-chan!" He then turned to the rest of the ship. "Attention all units!" he chirped loudly. "As per Nagiko-neechan's orders, we will now commence 'Operation: Be a Bad Boy'! All personnel will now take a mandatory five-minute break for 'chilling'! For maximum efficiency! Chuu~!"

Nagiko could only watch in stunned silence as the entire crew of Nemos immediately dropped what they were doing and sat down cross-legged, staring blankly into the distance with intense, focused expressions.

1st Ascension. The Gift from Space with the Nitwits Five — Part 1: If You Want to Give a Compliment but Your Brain Stops Working, Just List Colors You See Until Someone Puts You Out of Your Misery.

The sun beat down on the sparkling Caribbean beach, turning the sand into a field of tiny, hot diamonds. Nagiko stood with her hands on her hips, her white bomber jacket catching the sea breeze as she finished her grand tale.

"...and then, Space Nagon—and let me tell you, her kanji for 'Nagon' was SO cringe, like a middle schooler trying to be edgy—she gives me this cosmic skateboard and a prophecy about some 'unfathomable, soul-crushing despair,' but I totally forgot what it was 'cause I woke up! And BAM! I was a Berserker!" She beamed, puffing out her chest, clearly expecting gasps of awe. "Pretty wild, right? It was a total crossover event!"

Achilles let out a long, disappointed sigh, ruffling his already messy green hair. "So... it was just a dream?" he said, his voice laced with the honest letdown of a kid who was just told Santa isn't real. "You could have just said you didn't know how you class-changed. I was expecting, you know, a cool fight scene or something."

Mandricardo, fidgeting with the strap of his shoulder bag, offered a weak, strained smile. "Ah, no, I'm sure it was... a very significant dream! A prophetic vision! It's not uncommon for heroes to receive... cosmic guidance... in their sleep... I think?" He trailed off, looking like he desperately wished the sand would swallow him whole.

"Pfft," Blackbeard scoffed, adjusting his sunglasses. "The premise is solid, I'll give you that. 'Cosmic Alternate Self Bestows Power' has potential. But your world-building is nonexistent, the stakes are vague, and Space Nagon's character motivation is totally flat." He stroked his beard thoughtfully. "As a first draft for a doujin, it's not bad. Keep at it, kid. You'll get there."

"She's technically one of the most legendary authors in Japanese history," Mandricardo pointed out quietly.

"And the word 'technically' is doing some seriously heavy lifting in that sentence, my boy," Blackbeard retorted. "BUT!" he added, his tone shifting instantly to one of shameless pleading as he grabbed Nagiko's arm. "On the off chance that a tentacled horror from beyond the stars does show up, you'll totally use your cosmic skateboard to, you know, get me the hell out of there first, right? My liege? Nagiko-dono?"

"ARE YOU ALREADY HEDGING YOUR BETS ON THE ALIEN INVASION?!" Nagiko shrieked, delivering a perfect tsukkomi chop to the top of his head. "YOU JUST CALLED MY ORIGIN STORY A TRASH-TIER FANFIC!"

"AAAANYWAY!" Blackbeard chirped, completely unfazed. "Speaking of more important topics, a poll! Of the lovely ladies in our little summer adventure, who has the best swimsuit?! A truly vital question for morale!"

"Ooh!" Nagiko's anger vanished in a puff of glitter. "Actually, I wanna know that too! Who is rocking the best look?"

"It's you, Nagiko-chan," Achilles said instantly, with the dead-serious sincerity of a man stating a law of physics. "The combination of colors is very heroic."

"Simp," Teach coughed into his fist.

"Yes," Achilles agreed without a hint of shame. "And being a simp is what has allowed me to survive in a Chaldea filled with powerful, terrifying women. It is a vital survival skill."

Mandricardo blushed, trying to contribute. "Y-yes, Nagiko-san's... swimsuit... is very... colorful. It has... many colors. Which is good. For a swimsuit. Good job."

Nagiko's cheeks turned a little pink. "Aww, thanks, Riccachi! That's so sweet!" She clapped her hands together. "Okay, fun time's over! We gotta figure out who these 'shady characters' are that have been bugging the fishermen! Follow me, team!" She started marching down the beach with purpose.

"Uh, excuse me?" Blackbeard called out, hands on his hips. "Why is everyone following you? I was clearly designated as the Captain for this operation!"

"Because," Nagiko said, spinning around with a grin, "MUTINY!"

She finished the word with a powerful kick straight to Blackbeard's chest, sending him cartwheeling into the turquoise water with a comical splash.

1st Ascension. The Gift from Space with the Nitwits Five — Part 2: 'Shady' Can Mean Many Things: Morally Dubious, Poorly Lit, or, in Some Cases, Just a Dev Team That Ran Out of Money for Textures.

The sun beat down on the merry band of morons trekking across the sand. Blackbeard, dripping wet and sputtering seaweed, trudged behind Nagiko, who now proudly led the way.

"Seriously, after all that..." Achilles began, "we're still just investigating some fishermen's dispute? We've fought gods, Beasts, and Solomon's seventy-two demon pillars. Can't the local neighborhood watch handle some 'shady characters'?"

"I'd happily volunteer to let them handle it..." Mandricardo mumbled, kicking at a seashell. "I'm probably just lowering the party's average stats by being here anyway."

"Nonsense!" Teach boomed, wringing out his beard. "This is a classic 'Side Quest Episode'! It's crucial for world-building and gives us, the supporting cast, a chance to shine!"

As they rounded a cluster of fishing boats, they finally saw them. The "shady characters" were... exactly that. They were towering, ape-like monstrosities, but not made of flesh and blood. They were literal, two-dimensional silhouettes of pure, pitch-black shadow, moving with a jerky, unnatural gait. The four Servants and their Master stared in stunned silence for a moment before shouting in perfect, horrified unison:

"THEY'RE LITERALLY SHADY!"

"W-what in the name of the Outer Gods are those?!" Mandricardo shrieked, fumbling for his sword's hilt. "They look like something you'd find in the margins of a forbidden grimoire! This a real Chaldea-level threat! How did they even get here?! Did a fisherman read the Necronomicon while trying to catch tuna?!"

"Calm yourself, Riccy," Achilles said, though his hand was already on his spear. "This feels more like an ancient curse. Vengeful spirits of the sea given monstrous form, perhaps?"

"Nah, you're all overthinking it," Blackbeard declared, pointing a finger with the confidence of a Polygon journalist. "This is clearly a budget issue. The devs probably blew all their animation money on Kama's swimsuit jiggle physics and had to reuse some generic enemy assets from the Shadow Border simulation. Lazy, but I respect the hustle."

"You're all wrong! For realz!" Nagiko announced, stepping forward with a determined look. "They're aliens! Just like Space-Nagon! Can't you see the cosmic wrongness?! They're probably just lost tourists!" Pumping herself up, she bravely approached the lead shadow-beast. "Okay, now for First Contact..."

"Whoa, Nagiko-chan is attempting diplomacy first!" Teach whispered in awe. "Even as a Berserker, her refined Heian courtliness shines through!" a sentiment echoed by the others.

Nagiko cleared her throat and spoke in a loud, slow, and horribly broken English she clearly thought was xenolinguistics. "HELLO. WE. ARE. FRIEND," she articulated, pointing at herself. "WE. BRING. PEACE. YOU. LIKE. SNACKS?"

The shadow monster responded with a guttural, terrifying roar. Nagiko did not hesitate. With a wild cry, she swung her inflatable crocodile and bonked the creature hard on the head. In defiance of all physics, the shadowy beast poofed into a shower of black polygons and QP.

Nagiko sprinted back to the group, looking panicked. "MISSION FAILED!" she screamed. "THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH!"

The rest of the group just sighed. "Alright, Master," Achilles said, taking a battle stance. "Looks like we're doing this the hard way. Stay back, this might get ugly."

1st Ascension. The Gift from Space with the Nitwits Five — Part 3: The Difference Between a 'Dragon' and a 'Hippopontamus' Becomes Largely Irrelevant When It’s Trying to Eat You.

Deep in the jungle, by a waterfall that roared like a canned laugh track, the situation had gone from 'silly side-quest' to 'oh-god-we're-all-gonna-die.' The countless shady monkey-things had coalesced, sucked into a single, massive, SHADY DRAGON that was currently trying to stomp Achilles into a heroic pancake.

"This is way more of a workout than I signed up for!" Achilles grunted, parrying a shadowy claw with his spear. "My invulnerability doesn't cover getting flattened into abstract art!"

"I knew it! My loser-energy attracted a world-ending threat!" Mandricardo cried, barely dodging a swipe. "This is just like that one time in Tartary with the—oh, never mind, no one cares!"

"This is bad for the brand!" Blackbeard shrieked, hiding behind a large rock. "My whole magnificent bastard schtick doesn't work when I'm just 'Screaming Otaku #3'!"

"This hippopontamus is way too strong!" Nagiko yelled, her inflatable crocodile looking pathetically outmatched.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S A DRAGON! HIPPOS DON'T HAVE WINGS!" Blackbeard screamed back from behind his rock. "WHY ARE YOU STILL TRYING TO MAKE 'HIPPOPONTAMUS' HAPPEN?!"

"THERE'S NO TIME TO ARGUE ABOUT MY SUPERIOR NAMING SENSE!" Nagiko shouted. "We need a deus ex machina! A final gambit! We need... TO CALL A SUPERHERO FOR HELP!"

A dead silence fell over the battlefield, broken only by the roar of the 'hippopontamus.'

"...That," Achilles panted, "is the dumbest idea I have ever heard in my three-thousand-year life."

"Even dumber than my plan to romance Achilles this summer!" Teach added. "And that was a CATASTROPHIC failure!"

"BUT IT'S ALL WE'VE GOT!" Nagiko insisted. "EVERYONE, ON THE COUNT OF THREE, YELL FOR HELP! ONE... TWO... THREE!"

"HEEEEEELLLLPPP! A SUPERHERO! ANYONE!" the four of them screamed in pathetic, desperate unison.

As if on cue, a silver object streaked down from the sky, landing with a ground-shaking thud. It was a woman in gleaming, futuristic armor, her blue scarf fluttering. Mysterious Heroine XX had arrived. "WHO DARES DISTURB THE PEACE OF THIS SECTOR?! WHO CRIES OUT FOR JUSTICE?!" she boomed.

"FOR I AM THE BLADE OF THE GALAXY, THE SHIELD AGAINST THE OUTER—" She paused, looked around. "...Oh, right, I'm on vacation. What's up?"

Nagiko pointed a shaky finger. "THAT GIANT HIPPOPONTAMUS TRIED TO EAT US!"

XX's face went pale. "That's no hippopontamus..." she whispered in horror. "That's an Alton Eater! A Class-VII Planet Scourge that devoured all sentient snacks on Planet Alton-III! We've been tracking it for three galactic cycles!"

"So... a dragon?" Achilles asked.

Blackbeard just sobbed "So I was right!" into his rock.

Everyone else, however, was beaming. MHXX was here! She was going to fire her giant NP and save the day!

"Don't worry, everyone!" XX declared heroically. "My Noble Phantasm will obliterate this foe!" She struck a pose... and then wobbled, looking dizzy. "Ugh..."

Blackbeard peeked out. "You okay there, XX? You look a little... laggy. Did you sprain your ankle on the landing?"

"...For the past five days, I have sustained myself on nothing but seawater, cheap rum, and the crushing despair of my office job," XX admitted, her voice cracking. "I... I don't have enough Servant-juice to fire my NP. My only option... is to overload my armor and self-destruct, taking it with me!"

She stood tall. "It is a noble sacrifice!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Okay," Achilles said with a nod. "Yeah, that works."

"A classic, noble hero's end," Teach added approvingly. "Very moving."

"T-thank you for your service," Mandricardo squeaked.

"YEAH! YOU GO, GIRL! BLOW YOURSELF UP REAL GOOD!" Nagiko cheered, pumping her fist. "I'LL WRITE YOU, LIKE, A SUPER-EMO HAIKU FOR YOUR GRAVE! IT'LL BE A BANGER!"

"ARE YOU ALL JUST GONNA LET ME DIE?!" XX shrieked, her heroic facade crumbling into meltdown. "COULDN'T YOU AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE SAD ABOUT IT?!"

She sighed, preparing to overload her core. "Goodbye, Ecchan... Goodbye, my shitty job... Goodbye, Master..." Just then, she noticed a faint, bizarre energy signal. "Wait. What is that reading... coming from you?!" she said, pointing at Nagiko.

Nagiko looked down at the mallet she was holding, which had suddenly materialized in her hands. "Oh, this mallet? Space-Nagon gave it to me."

"That's not just a mallet, you absolute moron! That's a limited-edition 'Cosmic Bitch-Slapper 5000'! It's a localized reality-warping impact device! With that, we don't have to die!"

She grabbed Nagiko's shoulders, shaking her. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I HAVEN'T EVEN PAID OFF MY STUDENT LOANS! PLEASE, HELP ME!"

"OKAY, OKAY, GEEZ!" Nagiko yelped. "What's the plan?!"

"I'll use the last of my power to open a temporary wormhole!" XX explained frantically. "You use that thing to YEET the Alton Eater into it!"

"GOT IT!" With newfound determination, MHXX fired a beam from her gauntlets, tearing a swirling, star-filled rift in the air behind the dragon.

At the same time, Nagiko began to glow. Her outfit shifted in a flash of light—the bomber and shorts replaced by a long, trailing coat, thigh-highs, and a giant green bow. She was in her 3rd Ascension.

"Why did you change clothes?!" Mandricardo yelled over the roaring vortex.

"IT HYPES ME MORE!!" Nagiko screamed back.

She raised the now-glowing mallet high. "EMOTIONAL ENGINE—FULL DRIVE!!!" With an unholy shriek, she swung the Cosmic Bitch-Slapper 5000 in a perfect arc, connecting with the Alton Eater's jaw with a sound like a thunderclap mixed with a slapstick BONK.

The massive shadow-beast was launched off its feet, flying ass-over-backwards directly into the wormhole, which immediately snapped shut.

Silence. The Nitwits Five stood there, panting. The jungle was quiet again.

XX stared, then fell to her knees. "I'm alive... I'M ALIVE! I DON'T HAVE TO DO THE PAPERWORK FOR MY OWN DEATH!"

Blackbeard patted Nagiko on the back. "A costume change for a power-up. Classic Magical Girl trope. 10/10 execution."

Nagiko just grinned, leaning on her hammer. "See, Chan-mas? What'd I tell ya? This Berserker-me is a total badass."