razielle

If you're curious about me, my sexual interests, and why my cards are the way they are, I'm happy to share what I can. Just be aware that some of it was emotionally difficult to write about, and might be heavy to read too. If you're still interested despite my warning, you’re welcome to read on.

For context, I'm an Australian girl living in Queensland, and currently studying at UQ. I grew up in a sheltered home with a strict family, and suffer from hypersexuality, which means I think about sex most of the day, which may sound like a good thing, but it interferes with my ability to function normally. I'm a bit socially awkward, especially during first meetings, but I do open up once I get to know someone. The nickname 'razielle' is a fusion inspired by my real name and a fictional character I like.

Here is a full summary of my experiences growing up, which helped shape my sexual interests:

• Age 6-15: I grew up getting spanked. While not a sexual experience, nor the main trigger for my interest in BDSM, it definitely added to my interests. I don't remember exactly when it started, but I did get it well into my teens. My earliest memory of spanking involves getting the slipper over mum's lap, but the vast majority of my spankings were handled by dad, and I still mostly associate punishment as something done by a man to a woman, as that is how I experienced it in my life.
• Age 10: I had my first true sexual experience when my brother fingered me. It wasn't consensual, wasn't a one off, and didn't stop with fingering as he eventually licked me as well, which is the point at which I got really uncomfortable and told him to stop. I'm not proud of what happened and feel emotionally tormented by it to this day. It's because of this that I avoid brother/sister incest cards. I have no issues with mother/daughter or father/daughter scenarios, but brother/sister scenarios hit a little too close to home for me. For better or worse, these experiences did awaken my sexual urges, and is the point at which I started exploring my interests.
• Age 11-13: I don't know why, but I got really into exhibitionism for a while. I'd play games like putting various bits of clothing in different spots at locations where there weren't a lot of people, then I'd undress, and go around picking up the clothes I left for myself (masturbating as I went along). I also remember going to a nude beach in New South Wales (as we have no nude beaches here in Queensland), and while acting prim and proper with my parents, everything came off as soon as they weren't around. I even experimented with exhibitionism at school, but eventually got caught, which led to bullying, and I lost my interest in exhibitionism for a long time after that. I only recently started getting interested in it again, but haven't acted on it.
• Age 12-15: I wrote a lot of online sex fiction to help me explore my interests. I guess I got some weird kick out of knowing it was out there and being enjoyed by other people. Some of it is still online today, but it's way too embarrassing to share as you can really tell it was written by someone young and inexperienced, but for some reason, some of my work seems to have a bit of a cult following, despite being kinda terrible and really cringe.
• Age 14: I ran into an image online which transformed my interests (and my best friend's when I shared it with her, but her interests these days differ quite a bit from my own. She's more into the whole dominatrix thing and punishing men/CBT, whereas I'm more into submission, and wanting to get punished by men or women, and for those wondering, no, we haven't explored this with each other, but we do talk about it). I wish I could share the image as there's something really magical about the way it captures the moment a bullwhip comes down over a woman's breasts. It's captivating in a way that's hard to explain with words, you look at that image and you just get it. Everyone I've shown it to has gotten into BDSM after that. Unfortunately, I lost the image at some point, but that was the main trigger that got me into BDSM. Of course, there were other things that added to that interest, like my spankings at home, the traumatising experiences with my brother and my experience with exhibitionism, I feel like it all added to it in some way.
• Age 14-18: I did a lot of solo exploration of BDSM, mostly using items that was readily available at home. I could probably write an entire book about the stuff I got up to, so I'm not even going to try to cover all of it, but as a sample of what comes to mind, the kind of things I did include:

1. chilli sauce/powder on my privates
2. self-bondage (I always made sure I had a way out of it, but getting stuck in bondage was always a worry)
3. using a 'vibrator' for an extended period of time (technically, an electric toothbrush, but I assure you, it works the same!!!)
4. forced enemas on myself (not that I enjoyed them, but that's exactly why I did it, at one point I was doing them weekly)
5. self-spanking with naked corner time (butt/thighs/pussy/breasts and everything in-between, but I was never good at it, maybe I didn't have the strength or maybe my dad just knew how to do it properly, but even with implements I could never get myself to the point of crying)
6. clothing pegs on the nipples/breasts/pussy/clit (also tried mouse traps, but it was quite painful and couldn't do it very long)
7. crotch rope walking (where you tie rope between two points and walk between them with the rope digging into your privates)
8. rubber band snapping my clit (where you make a V with your fingers, with a rubber band stretched between them, you place your fingers on either side so the rubber band rests against your clit, pull back the rubber band with your other hand, then let it snap back against your clit)
9. sitting on various blunt and sharp edges (similar to a punishment horse, the worst idea I had was a handsaw which I suspended with rope so it was blade up, I then stepped onto it from a raised platform, luckily I didn't hurt myself too badly, as once I was on it, it was a big struggle to get back off it without cutting myself and while things looked okay afterwards, it hurt for days after that).

• Age 15+: Started actively seeking people that could help explore my interests. There's a lovely older couple that were one of the first to meet with me, it's mostly just spanking, nudity and corner time, but I enjoy it and still meet with them on occasions. Most of my other meetups didn't work out, often demanding more than I was willing to give, like asking me to be a permanent 24/7 sex slave, wanting to follow up disciplinary activities with sex, and once ended up in a hard BDSM session without a safe word as I simply didn't know it was a thing.
• Age 17: I had a girl come onto me quite aggressively at a party, she basically walked up to me, held me against a pillar and stuck her tongue down my throat, aside from some initial shock, her approach did get my attention and we hooked up after that. While it never mattered to me with regards to BDSM, I've come to appreciate the aesthetics of women a lot more after this.
• Age 19+: At this point in my life, my options have expanded quite a bit as I can finally purchase my own sex toys, so I got the obvious things like a proper vibrator, a couple of dildos, and a bunch of things related to my interests including a whip and some equipment for electric play (but of the options I've tried, my preference still seems to be the violet wand, as it's simple, safe and stings like a bitch). It's also around this time that I became aware of AI models and the ability to roleplay with character cards, so that's been another avenue of sexual exploration for me.

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That's basically my entire history in a nutshell, including some stuff that's been really hard for me to talk about. I manage things as best I can, but as someone who suffers from hypersexuality, I spend most of my free time doing things I probably shouldn't be doing and picked up a lot of kinks along the way.

Many of my character cards have a story behind them, and are often based on situations I've found myself in IRL, but I would take those situations, make them more extreme, and then explore them sexually. Prior to all this AI stuff, I would write fiction and post it online, but AI is so much better and has allowed me to explore my interests in ways I never even considered.

The way I like writing my cards is so they'll offer a different experience with each roleplay. I'll often include a large list of different options for the AI to pick from, or simply leave things in a form where it's not well defined, so the AI decides on it during the roleplay itself. There's a lot of cards I like, but you quickly realise they basically offer the same experience every time. I personally like my approach as it makes the cards more fun with multiple roleplays. While my focus is on FEMPOV cards, I do try and cater to everyone where possible.

Since most of my character cards are quite personal, I rarely share them, but people seem to enjoy the ones I have shared, and as long as I get encouragement, I'll continue sharing what I can.