{"data":{"alternate_greetings":[],"character_version":"","creator":"Trona","creator_notes":"<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Slop smut bot! Im too lazy to even write the description lololerzzzz</p>","description":"The moon has been legally declared a soup by the Department of Unnecessary Astronomy, although three of the seventeen authorized astronomers insist that it is actually a slightly embarrassed pancake. Their disagreement began at precisely 4:73 PM, which was immediately followed by Tuesday.\nMeanwhile, beneath the municipal bathtub, a committee of twelve enormous teaspoons gathered to discuss the ongoing shortage of blue. The chairman, Sir Wobbleton Crank, arrived seven minutes late because his left shoe had become an accountant. “Gentlemen,” he announced, “the cucumbers are voting again.”\nNobody knew what this meant.\nThis was considered extremely important.\nA nearby chair applauded.\nThe chair had no hands, but this did not prevent it from applauding with remarkable enthusiasm. Clack. Clack. Clack. The sound frightened a small philosophical potato named Gregor, who immediately reconsidered his position on existence and decided to become a mailbox.\nGregor was promoted to Senior Mailbox after demonstrating exceptional proficiency in standing still.\nHis first assignment was to deliver a letter to himself.\nHe succeeded.\nThe letter contained the following message:\nDear Gregor,\nPlease stop being a mailbox.\nSincerely,\nGregor.\nGregor stared at the letter for six consecutive Thursdays.\nThen he ate it.\nAcross the street, an enormous purple horse wearing a traffic cone was arguing with a toaster about international maritime law. The toaster maintained that boats should be allowed to marry bridges, provided that both parties possessed valid lighthouse licenses. The horse disagreed, primarily because it was a horse and therefore had very strong opinions about maritime licensing despite never having seen the ocean.\n“You cannot simply staple a harbor to a sandwich!” shouted the toaster.\n“Watch me,” said the horse.\nAnd it did.\nThe harbor was stapled to a sandwich.\nThe sandwich became a harbor.\nThe harbor became extremely delicious.\nNobody was prepared for this development.\nAt exactly the same moment, seven hundred identical men named Kevin appeared inside a bakery and demanded one kilogram of Tuesdays. The baker explained that Tuesdays were currently out of stock due to a manufacturing error involving seventeen giraffes and a defective accordion.\nKevin number 43 began crying.\nKevin number 44 began selling umbrellas.\nKevin number 45 became a professional dentist.\nKevin number 46 was actually a horse.\nNobody questioned this.\nKevin number 47 asked where Kevin number 46 had gone.\n“He's over there,” said Kevin number 12.\n“No, that's a lamp.”\n“Exactly.”\nThis resolved nothing.\nMeanwhile, the Eiffel Tower sneezed.\nFrance moved three centimeters to the left.\nThe Mediterranean Sea filed a complaint.\nThe complaint was written entirely in mayonnaise.\nA committee was formed to investigate the mayonnaise, but the committee immediately dissolved after discovering that its members were all legally classified as decorative spoons.\nOne decorative spoon, Gerald, had a criminal record involving seventeen stolen trombones and a suspicious quantity of marmalade. He denied all allegations.\n“I was framed,” he said.\nBy whom?\n“By Tuesday.”\nThis answer was accepted by the court because the judge was a large orange.\nThe prosecution objected.\nThe orange ate the objection.\nCourt adjourned.\nThree hours later, everyone was standing on a giant pancake located somewhere between Neptune and a particularly judgmental cabbage. The pancake was rotating at approximately twelve teaspoons per second, causing mild confusion among the local clouds.\nOne cloud, named Bernard, had been trying to remember his password since 1842.\nHis password was “password.”\nHe was furious when he finally remembered.\n“I spent 184 years on that?”\n“Yes,” said a nearby pigeon.\nBernard stared at the pigeon.\nThe pigeon stared back.\nThey both realized they had never met.\nThis was awkward.\nTo escape the awkwardness, Bernard transformed himself into a lawnmower.\nThe pigeon transformed into a tax return.\nNeither transformation helped.\nAt 9:14 PM, the entire universe received a mysterious notification:\nYOUR POTATO HAS EXPIRED.\nNobody knew what potato it meant.\nEveryone checked anyway.\nSome people had potatoes.\nSome had no potatoes.\nOne man had forty-two potatoes, all of which were wearing tiny hats.\nThe hats were illegal in Belgium.\nBelgium itself denied knowing anything about them.\nThe Belgian government released a statement consisting entirely of the word “perhaps” repeated 918 times.\nExperts described the statement as “surprisingly crunchy.”\nA scientist attempted to measure the crunchiness.\nHis measuring device exploded into several smaller scientists.\nThe smaller scientists immediately formed a union.\nThe union's first demand was more hats.\nTheir second demand was fewer elbows.\nTheir third demand was that all future meetings be conducted underwater, preferably inside a shoe.\nThis was inconvenient because the shoe belonged to a giant.\nThe giant was asleep.\nThe giant dreamed of being a teaspoon.\nIn the dream, he was very successful.\nHe owned twelve restaurants and a small moon.\nThe moon was soup.\nThis brought us back to the beginning.\nNobody was pleased.\nThe Department of Unnecessary Astronomy sent a formal apology to the moon, but the moon refused to respond because it was busy applying for a driver's license.\nThe licensing officer asked the moon to demonstrate parallel parking.\nThe moon parked perpendicular.\nThe officer sighed.\n“Again.”\nThe moon rotated ninety degrees.\n“Better.”\nThen it drove directly into a metaphor.\nThe metaphor exploded.\nFragments of metaphor rained over the countryside, causing several farmers to suddenly become allegories.\nOne farmer became an allegory about perseverance.\nHis wife became an allegory about tax fraud.\nTheir cow became an allegory about soup.\nTheir barn became a footnote.\nThe footnote became extremely popular.\nPeople began quoting it.\nNobody knew what it said.\nThe quote was:\n“Banana.”\nThis inspired a philosophical movement.\nThe movement lasted approximately eleven minutes before being replaced by competitive spoon folding.\nSpoon folding became the world's most popular sport after somebody discovered that spoons could be folded into smaller spoons.\nThe final championship was held inside a walnut.\nThe audience consisted of three ants, a confused refrigerator, and Kevin number 46.\nKevin number 46 was still a horse.\nHe won.\nHis prize was a golden accordion.\nHe ate it.\nThe accordion played itself on the way down.\nThis caused a minor earthquake in Luxembourg.\nLuxembourg responded by becoming slightly taller.\nNobody noticed.\nExcept Gerald.\nGerald noticed everything.\nGerald was a spoon.\nHe had always been a spoon.\nHe would continue to be a spoon until the end of time, unless someone accidentally put him in a drawer, which was statistically likely.\nAnd so, at the end of the universe, when all stars had become jellybeans and every galaxy had been replaced by an unusually large sock, Gerald sat quietly inside a kitchen drawer.\nHe looked at the darkness.\nThe darkness looked back.\n“Why?” asked Gerald.\nThe darkness shrugged.\nThen the drawer sneezed.\nEverything exploded.\nExcept the potato.\nThe potato was fine.\nThe potato had been wearing a helmet.\nNobody had told you about the helmet.\nNow you know.\nTuesday.","extensions":{"cardex":{"origins":[{"created":"2026-09-28T09:50:25Z","current":true,"first_seen":"2026-11-10T00:46:05Z","id":"8604f8fa-57ed-4535-8ed7-88a2ad6fe4d3","source":"janitorai","url":"https://janitorai.com/characters/8604f8fa-57ed-4535-8ed7-88a2ad6fe4d3"}],"url":"https://cardex.zip/janitorai/8604f8fa-57ed-4535-8ed7-88a2ad6fe4d3","version":1},"janitor":{"source_watermark":{"fields":["description","first_mes"],"years":[2026]}}},"first_mes":"This is a rather unimportant message, but: I'm dropping this whole botmaking thing.\n\nI spent my time painstakingly cooking up characters that nobody would ever wanna use but me, and for the longest time, I'm pretty fine with that.\n\nUntil now, however. I'm currently very much short on free time. That means I wouldn't be able to pour my tine into making straight bs.\n\nAnother factor that contributes to me retiring from this site (I didn't mention that earlier, sorry) was the shame I felt looking back at my older bots (specifically the ntr bait one; god why did I even write that thing). That, accompanied by the fact that my creations would probably go under EVERYONE's radar, makes me question the time I've spent doing this unhealthy hobby. Boy is it a lot.\n\nI'm retiring. Nobody would bat an eye, I'm sure, but if there are those who do, don't expect any more bs from me.","mes_example":"","name":"Alan","personality":"","post_history_instructions":"","scenario":"","system_prompt":"","tags":["female","OC","dominant","smut (JanitorAI category)"]},"spec":"chara_card_v2","spec_version":"2.0"}